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Lost My Spouse...

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Latest Activity: Jul 7

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:42pm

sorry re double post.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:41pm

Hi Linda

Im sorry to hear about your niece and her loss

  My thoughts on the issue of grief is likely cute different than others, as every ones grief is a very personal process to journey though.

  I would surest that the culmination of her relationship with her partner, family and the situation leading to the death of her husband coupled with her personality and values would be the deciding factor on how GREIF affects her.

  I would i think approaching the her with the same open caring and non judgmental attitude i approach this form and (try in real life with for me is harder). 

  Grief is different for every one as every one is different.

I know its not a direct answer

but its the only one i have.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:41pm

Comment by Monty 11 minutes agoDelete Comment

Hi Linda

Im sorry to hear about your niece and her loss

  My thoughts on the issue of grief is likely cute different than others, as every ones grief is a very personal process to journey though.

  I would surest that the culmination of her relationship with her partner, family and the situation leading to the death of her husband coupled with her personality and values would be the deciding factor on how GREIF affects her.

  I would i think approaching the her with the same open caring and non judgmental attitude i approach this form and (try in real life with for me is harder). 

  Grief is different for every one as every one is different.

I know its not a direct answer

but its the only one i have.

Comment by Monty on November 26, 2018 at 4:12pm

Hi All

as mentioned previously i have been doing a bunch of reflection as the first anniversary of my Wife's death is rapidly approaching ( as is Christmas).

i have been struggling with thinking.  Its like my head is full of thick soup.    at work it takes much more concentration to even do any basic trouble shooting and i miss lots of little things that i would previously picked up straight away.

in short I'm struggling to do my job where i would normally have done it easy.

anyway in researching "brain got and grief" i came up with some sites.  and they pinpoint a lot of my feelings / experiences around my ability to think.

i just thought i would share

hope every one is having as awesome day as they can

love and walm wishes to all

regards Monty

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 26, 2018 at 3:16pm

Hi Friends,

I would like to get your input as to what complicated grief is. I have had it for over 6 years but my niece who lost her Husband feels all grief is complicated. I disagree with her because my Husband and I were true soulmates, we shared everything together. I think she is feeling guilty because she was always wrapped up in what she was doing even though they were married. The only thing they did together is when they went on vacation with there kids. I visited them a few years before he died and my niece was never home, I only since her twice in a weeks visit. I would appreciate any comments you might have. Thanks, Linda

Comment by Linda Engberg on November 23, 2018 at 7:18am

Thanks to all of you for sharing you feelings, This forum is the only thing that keeps me going. I accept that I will never be any better than the day Julian died. It's the price to pay for love an a soulmate. I jut don't fit in the world anymore.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on November 23, 2018 at 2:00am

It helps you took time to console me. I am thinking of how your dealing with all this. I am so sorry. People don't understand mental illness. It is snap your fingers and get On with life. Nope not that easy. I do pray a lot and will keep you in my prayers.

LIFE is hard for sure. Hopefully we can try and help each other here and there. You hang in there too. I don't do well in the day. To long! I will be in touch. God Bless.

P.S. I am not a church fanatic. Just normal believer.

Comment by morgan on November 22, 2018 at 10:55pm

Beth,  I wish I could help.  The best I can offer is that after five years and 10 months I can push the grief down better but sometime within 48 hours I will break.  It is normal for those of us who were bonded to our spouse.  That you have had mental breakdowns and hospitalized does not surprise those of us who have found life to be a crushing experience living it alone.  

At three years I was still having one helluva time pushing it down.  I immersed myself in remodeling projects that I am now finally trying to finish. I am not sure it was the wisest thing I could have done but the choices before me were either do it or else.  Finances dictated doing something that might at the end of the day relieve me from having to interact with people all the time in order to survive.  My goal is being able to isolate myself from everything and everybody and still be able to pay bills. Thats it.  

Just keep trying to take small little steps that help push the grief away. I keep chatter (news mainly because too many songs trigger memories and then the crying) so my brain is occupied listening to stuff that means nothing but it takes up space in my head.

Mornings are the absolute worst now.  Used to be both mornings and evenings. Evenings are giving me a partial break but I hate opening my eyes.  Its everything I can do to force myself to accept I am here for another day.  Today I gave myself a day off from working and all day I kept pushing away the memories of how I used to celebrate this day because I wasnt as occupied as I normally am.  I may have gotten through today so tomorrow will likely have a  trigger that will break me.

 And this starts the time when my husband and I were still celebrating a holiday not knowing that Xmas Eve day he would end up in the ER only to find out the day after Xmas he had terminal cancer and lived only another 27 days.  This time of year is hardly a celebratory season for me and many others, including you.  The only real solace is knowing that we are not suffering alone and though we won't meet each other other than online, we know that some of us through the hardest of times are teaching the rest of the world that death of true love is a different universe that must be recognized and understood better than what it has been.  WE are not abnormal.....this is the consequence of what we all seek and some of us get......true love.  

Take care the best you can.  Take small steps and try to be ok with them.  We all know how hard this is.......

morgan

Comment by Beth Swansboro on November 22, 2018 at 9:00pm

Bottom line below is to be grief group not brief..

Comment by Beth Swansboro on November 22, 2018 at 8:58pm

I read these stories and wish we could be in a brief group together. Tomorrow I lost the love of my life.3 years ago. Today just my son and Bob Evans food. How lonely we are. I have been getting worse instead of better. This year was awful. He was my high school sweetheart since we were 17. I really miss him. I was in the hospital for  several days in October. Mini breakdown. I was On the mental health floor. Was awful. Been trying to watch the Xanax. Had 3 today. My Dr. Is planning on removing me from them in Feb. That won't be good.

I keep praying to God please help me. I cannot live the rest of my life like I do. Crying, staying in bed hogging XANAX. LIFE is terrible. What in the world is one to do. Reading all your stories I relate and I am sorry for you

Not sure where my life is going. Not well that is for sure.

Thank you for letting me vent!!

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Saturday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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