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Lost My Spouse...

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FAILING 8 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Alison J Aug 27.

Rejoining the rest of the world 3 Replies

I am getting ready to return to work for the first time since the death of John. I know I have to go on living for now. I have reflected on my spiritual beliefs. I have to believe that John is indeed…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Monty Aug 12.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

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Comment by bluebird on September 11, 2018 at 11:48pm
((((((((((morgan))))))))))
Comment by Monty on September 11, 2018 at 11:48pm

Hi Morgan.

i can only imagine the pain and suffering your going though at the moment, and am so sorry to hear how horrible your situation is that you are dealing with.

I hope and pray that you can find a light in this dark time in your life.

I hope the world is not deprived of your love and presence.

Warmest regards

Monty

Comment by morgan on September 11, 2018 at 10:40pm

I haven't written lately.  Not because I am not having problems surviving my emotions but because 1) I have so little energy that I have to conserve and use for daily work and living and 2) I'm giving up.  I just cannot see living like I am with the crying when I hit a trigger, and the missing of him more than ever it seems.  I just cannot believe he is dead.  I cannot erase my history and everything reminds me of my history.  He is constantly popping in and out of my mind and I simply have no real reason for committing myself to defending any goal, reason or project other than getting my affairs in order so they aren't such a mess foe someone else to dispose of.  Other than that, I am through with the pain of grief.  The meaningless of getting up every day and feeling like I am bereft of a solid attachment to someone who understood me.  I didn’t have to say anything, He knew what I was thinking and I knew him.  There was such a comfort in that.  The fact he wanted me.  He wanted me in all ways.  
35 years of love.  Of being together in everything.  Buying homes, traveling, working, sleeping together, eating at home nutritious meals, paying attention to each other’s work issues......But mainly the love.  The feeling of being embraced.  Of sleeping side by side......of living love.
I don't know if I will have the courage to do what I want to do when I feel I have settled my affairs but I hope so because the rest of the time I am dying little by little.  Piece by piece.  I just want to be with him again.  And if I can’t have it here, which is a given, I am slowly giving up the fight to want to try.  It’s just so painful.......

Comment by Geri on September 1, 2018 at 12:40am

That tshirt says it all Linda Engberg.Thank you for sharing. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 31, 2018 at 8:23am

Hi Geri,

I have a tshirt that has this statement on it.

Comment by Elynn m on August 30, 2018 at 10:53pm

Thank you morgan, and linda, for the information.  My sister lives near Henderson, nevada.   I might check that out.   I've looked for 55+ communities there, but not for senior apartments.   Also, morgan I have a friend in Florida who lives in a 55+ community.   Thank you both for your concerns.

Comment by bluebird on August 30, 2018 at 10:07pm
I would be upset too, Geri. I'm sorry that happened to you. If I were you, I would ask to speak to the doctor or, if there is one, the patient advocate, and complain/explain why that was wrong and inappropriate, and why you are so upset
Comment by Geri on August 30, 2018 at 7:17pm

Yesterday I was scheduled for a minor eye operation. I was asked at the admissions desk if my husband was my next of kin (for picking me up after surgery). I was upset and explained he had just passed 4 months ago. I was then told all my paperwork needed my marital status changed. I went numb. As far as I'm concerned I'm still married. I still have a husband even though he is not physically here with me. Why is this labelling necessary? I was and still am so upset.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 30, 2018 at 8:07am

Hi Elynn,

I live in Florida and live on the East Coast which I find is more expensive to live, when my Husband and I first looked we found the West Coast much cheaper but really crowded so we ended up in St. Augustine, Fl which now be coming very expensive. My friend lives in Henderson, Nevada, and they have senior housing based on your income.

Morgan where do you in Florida?

Comment by morgan on August 30, 2018 at 12:43am

Joe, the website you posted was really quite a find.  I am not about to pay for counseling on how to write (journaling)since I've been doing that since day one but her reflections on how society just does not account for how people grieve is spot on.  Its amazing how only when your spouse dies do you really get the impact of how painful losing your love is.  Even for a psychotherapist.

Ellyn, it is good for you to come here and unload.  We all do it.  As for your question about 55+ community I used to live in a neighborhood in a house in West Palm Beach FL and there are plenty of 55+ communities down there.  Dont know what you consider affordable but there are "apartment" communities with 1bed/1/bath for around $40-60K and monthly HOA fees around $350.  Not fancy but in a decent area.  Century Village on Okeechobee Blvd is where you will find them.......google it.  They have bus routes to get around easily and activities on the grounds.  They were originally Jewish but now that has eased quite a bit.  Mainly just a way to live more affordably, in the sunshine, and be close to shopping and activities for older people.  I have thought about buying something there (no I'm not Jewish)but I have my hands full right now.  At least it is warm (well, hot) and you don't have to deal with ice and snow.......

Just my two cents.

And I hope tomorrow is an ok day for you.  Three years on is still raw.  I have yet to get really good days and I am five years plus into losing the one person who meant everything to me.  I am just able to defer the pain for longer periods but it still creeps up on me and then takes me down.  

morgan 

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Thank you Layla Richards. I was very religious before my husband died, Then after his death I started searching why we have to go thru such pains and was looking into everything. Then after reading the Bible, the Torah, the Koran and more religious…"
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Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Hi Pamela, So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing."
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"I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self…"
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"That is some great advice Ofir Rifo. Also, bluebird, something that helped me a lot was reading through the thousands of stories contributed by individuals who had a near-death experience or received an after death communication from a passed loved…"
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
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BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia I am so sorry for your loss. Bluebell"
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Three days ago, my mom died.  She was alone when she died -- or, at least, she had no family member present. I'd been to the hospice the morning before, and she'd told me, "I'm going to die soon."  A…

Three days ago, my mom died.  She was alone when she died -- or, at least, she had no family member present. I'd been to the hospice the morning before, and she'd told me, "I'm going to die soon."  All I could do was cry, and tell her I was going to miss her.  She told me to stop. I decided to take my leave from work as soon as I could, told her I was going into work to do that.  And I did.  But she did not wait for me.  She died the next morning, and I did not make it there in time.My mother…See More
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