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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 363
Latest Activity: 19 hours ago

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by morgan on September 11, 2018 at 10:40pm

I haven't written lately.  Not because I am not having problems surviving my emotions but because 1) I have so little energy that I have to conserve and use for daily work and living and 2) I'm giving up.  I just cannot see living like I am with the crying when I hit a trigger, and the missing of him more than ever it seems.  I just cannot believe he is dead.  I cannot erase my history and everything reminds me of my history.  He is constantly popping in and out of my mind and I simply have no real reason for committing myself to defending any goal, reason or project other than getting my affairs in order so they aren't such a mess foe someone else to dispose of.  Other than that, I am through with the pain of grief.  The meaningless of getting up every day and feeling like I am bereft of a solid attachment to someone who understood me.  I didn’t have to say anything, He knew what I was thinking and I knew him.  There was such a comfort in that.  The fact he wanted me.  He wanted me in all ways.  
35 years of love.  Of being together in everything.  Buying homes, traveling, working, sleeping together, eating at home nutritious meals, paying attention to each other’s work issues......But mainly the love.  The feeling of being embraced.  Of sleeping side by side......of living love.
I don't know if I will have the courage to do what I want to do when I feel I have settled my affairs but I hope so because the rest of the time I am dying little by little.  Piece by piece.  I just want to be with him again.  And if I can’t have it here, which is a given, I am slowly giving up the fight to want to try.  It’s just so painful.......

Comment by Geri on September 1, 2018 at 12:40am

That tshirt says it all Linda Engberg.Thank you for sharing. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 31, 2018 at 8:23am

Hi Geri,

I have a tshirt that has this statement on it.

Comment by Elynn m on August 30, 2018 at 10:53pm

Thank you morgan, and linda, for the information.  My sister lives near Henderson, nevada.   I might check that out.   I've looked for 55+ communities there, but not for senior apartments.   Also, morgan I have a friend in Florida who lives in a 55+ community.   Thank you both for your concerns.

Comment by bluebird on August 30, 2018 at 10:07pm
I would be upset too, Geri. I'm sorry that happened to you. If I were you, I would ask to speak to the doctor or, if there is one, the patient advocate, and complain/explain why that was wrong and inappropriate, and why you are so upset
Comment by Geri on August 30, 2018 at 7:17pm

Yesterday I was scheduled for a minor eye operation. I was asked at the admissions desk if my husband was my next of kin (for picking me up after surgery). I was upset and explained he had just passed 4 months ago. I was then told all my paperwork needed my marital status changed. I went numb. As far as I'm concerned I'm still married. I still have a husband even though he is not physically here with me. Why is this labelling necessary? I was and still am so upset.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 30, 2018 at 8:07am

Hi Elynn,

I live in Florida and live on the East Coast which I find is more expensive to live, when my Husband and I first looked we found the West Coast much cheaper but really crowded so we ended up in St. Augustine, Fl which now be coming very expensive. My friend lives in Henderson, Nevada, and they have senior housing based on your income.

Morgan where do you in Florida?

Comment by morgan on August 30, 2018 at 12:43am

Joe, the website you posted was really quite a find.  I am not about to pay for counseling on how to write (journaling)since I've been doing that since day one but her reflections on how society just does not account for how people grieve is spot on.  Its amazing how only when your spouse dies do you really get the impact of how painful losing your love is.  Even for a psychotherapist.

Ellyn, it is good for you to come here and unload.  We all do it.  As for your question about 55+ community I used to live in a neighborhood in a house in West Palm Beach FL and there are plenty of 55+ communities down there.  Dont know what you consider affordable but there are "apartment" communities with 1bed/1/bath for around $40-60K and monthly HOA fees around $350.  Not fancy but in a decent area.  Century Village on Okeechobee Blvd is where you will find them.......google it.  They have bus routes to get around easily and activities on the grounds.  They were originally Jewish but now that has eased quite a bit.  Mainly just a way to live more affordably, in the sunshine, and be close to shopping and activities for older people.  I have thought about buying something there (no I'm not Jewish)but I have my hands full right now.  At least it is warm (well, hot) and you don't have to deal with ice and snow.......

Just my two cents.

And I hope tomorrow is an ok day for you.  Three years on is still raw.  I have yet to get really good days and I am five years plus into losing the one person who meant everything to me.  I am just able to defer the pain for longer periods but it still creeps up on me and then takes me down.  

morgan 

Comment by Elynn m on August 30, 2018 at 12:40am

Thank you Monty for the encouragement.   I do talk to my sister in law, who is willing to listen.   I know my own sisters would also, but I am afraid, or embarrassed  (?) to bring it up.   I'll try to be more open.   I know my sisters would  love to talk, but probably think I don't want to talk about my feelings.   They talk about Joe, and how great he was, but don't really want to get into feelings.   Guess I could tell them how I feel  (sad, lonely, etc.) And they would talk.

Comment by Monty on August 30, 2018 at 12:21am

Elynn I'm so sorry to hear of you pain and current loneliness / situation.

  I don't know what state has what services in america so cant help you much on that front.

  I live in a built up area and have until recently felt quite isolated and alone. most of my friends could not talk to me or listen to me when i start about grief.

  i have found just even talking on the phone to my sister (who is an amazing listener) helps so much.  she isn't afraid to hear what i need to talk about and i look forward to our conversations with her so much.

  i also need to remind myself to allow people to help..  i tend not to like to rely on others to much.

  don't be to afraid to let others help you and come pick you up from time to time.

regards Monty

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
1 hour ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
11 hours ago
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
15 hours ago
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16 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
18 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
19 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
20 hours ago
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yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
Thursday
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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