Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

Discussion Forum

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on September 13, 2018 at 6:40am

Hi Morgan,

My only support going through the most horrible thing that ever happened to me is this forum.

We all understand and I mean really understand how will our suffering knowing we will never be normal again.

I too have decided that when I lose my precious Babie J, I am through attaching myself to anything or anyone, it hurts to bad.

God Bless everyone on this forum for sharing their thoughts. 


Comment by morgan on September 12, 2018 at 6:24pm

Its pretty obvious I'm not sick or crazy because if I am those who responded in kind are too.  Its why I come here and unload because I know that I am going to hear from others with the exact same characteristics of carrying our grief through time and it mimics each others.  

Whats obvious is that we have found our lives to be so far from real but then its too real.  Death defines our new vision of life.  The contradictions.  The conflicts. The constant asking why? and not getting any resolution other than we know our love is gone. Forever.  We will never see, hear or hold them again here on this earth.  So why am I staying?  I have no children.  My kitty died 2 years after my husband and I cannot attach myself to anything or anyone else because I cannot stand the hurt, any loss or magnified separation.

Monty,  the world will be fine without me.  I appreciate the sentiment but life goes on as we well know and no one really will miss me like I miss him. 

Alice, knew you would feel the same.  I thought it particularly relevant when you wrote "so I’m in a kind of white mist, and being stabbed with long knives at random moments"  Thats a good analogy.  Mine are still happening daily sometimes more than once......I am tired.

Thanks bluebird......I know you feel the pain.

Nancy, I'm keeping busy too.  Six house remodels in five and half years.  I do alot of the construction.My thoughts are still in disbelief mode too.  How can he be gone?  And where is he?  Have the anger now more than I had, and I've avoided people and crowds when I used to be extroverted.  I've done lots of talking and it helps but not enough.  Nothing is enough and I am just losing all energy.  Definitely the worst thing in my lifetime and I thought I had some other troubles but this is overwhelming.  And thanks,  I know I am amongst kindred souls.

Linda, I already feel the pain you are going to have to withstand when Babie J is no longer with you.  It was excrutiating when I lost our kitty. Its why I cant put my attachment towards anything personal.  I try to care for others animals on a periodic basis but I am no longer able to place myself in that kind of position.  No more loss......

Thanks to each of you for the mental support.  It does help to know tha my feelings are replicated out there......In one way its good to know others had this kind of commitment and love for their beloved.  It is the most important thing one can have and yes, we had it......take care..... 

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 12, 2018 at 7:08am

Hi Morgan,

My grief mirrors yours. Every morning I wake up and hate it that I didn't die in my sleep. The only thing that really keeps me going is my sweet dog Babie J, she is slowly nearing the end of her life and I am having to watch her fail just like I did my Husband. I really hate this life. 

Comment by Nancy on September 12, 2018 at 6:23am

Morgan. I too feel your pain.  I keep very busy to avoid the thoughts that overcome me.  When they do it is unbearable and I'm in disbelief that he is gone.  So I get busy again.  It's the only way I'm able to survive after 43 years of marriage and all I've known since I was 20.  My kids are in pain too.  I keep going for them.  But I am not the same for sure  I have a lot of anger now and a short fuse with people.  Don't like crowds or seeing happy couples or hearing about something fun a couple has done or is going to do.  Talking about it helps.  Anything to not have it be my main focus everyday.  I read something about grief maybe on here.  It said your grief doesn't get smaller but rather other things in your mind get bigger around your grief so you always have it but those other distractions allow you to go on.  I hope you talk to someone regularly even if it's on here to see if you can get some relief even if it's just a little each day.  At least that is what I'm trying.  It is by far the worst thing I have ever dealt with and more painful than I could've ever imagined.  Bless you and know you are definitely not alone.

Comment by bluebird on September 11, 2018 at 11:48pm
Comment by Monty on September 11, 2018 at 11:48pm

Hi Morgan.

i can only imagine the pain and suffering your going though at the moment, and am so sorry to hear how horrible your situation is that you are dealing with.

I hope and pray that you can find a light in this dark time in your life.

I hope the world is not deprived of your love and presence.

Warmest regards


Comment by morgan on September 11, 2018 at 10:40pm

I haven't written lately.  Not because I am not having problems surviving my emotions but because 1) I have so little energy that I have to conserve and use for daily work and living and 2) I'm giving up.  I just cannot see living like I am with the crying when I hit a trigger, and the missing of him more than ever it seems.  I just cannot believe he is dead.  I cannot erase my history and everything reminds me of my history.  He is constantly popping in and out of my mind and I simply have no real reason for committing myself to defending any goal, reason or project other than getting my affairs in order so they aren't such a mess foe someone else to dispose of.  Other than that, I am through with the pain of grief.  The meaningless of getting up every day and feeling like I am bereft of a solid attachment to someone who understood me.  I didn’t have to say anything, He knew what I was thinking and I knew him.  There was such a comfort in that.  The fact he wanted me.  He wanted me in all ways.  
35 years of love.  Of being together in everything.  Buying homes, traveling, working, sleeping together, eating at home nutritious meals, paying attention to each other’s work issues......But mainly the love.  The feeling of being embraced.  Of sleeping side by side......of living love.
I don't know if I will have the courage to do what I want to do when I feel I have settled my affairs but I hope so because the rest of the time I am dying little by little.  Piece by piece.  I just want to be with him again.  And if I can’t have it here, which is a given, I am slowly giving up the fight to want to try.  It’s just so painful.......

Comment by Geri on September 1, 2018 at 12:40am

That tshirt says it all Linda Engberg.Thank you for sharing. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 31, 2018 at 8:23am

Hi Geri,

I have a tshirt that has this statement on it.

Comment by Elynn m on August 30, 2018 at 10:53pm

Thank you morgan, and linda, for the information.  My sister lives near Henderson, nevada.   I might check that out.   I've looked for 55+ communities there, but not for senior apartments.   Also, morgan I have a friend in Florida who lives in a 55+ community.   Thank you both for your concerns.


Members (364)



Latest Activity

Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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