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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 363
Latest Activity: 18 hours ago

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Elynn m on August 29, 2018 at 11:53pm

I came back today because I need to talk.  I didn't think I would get to this stage ....of always feeling lonely, but I guess I am.  How do I get through this?   I cannot go out of the house to visit someone, because I don't drive....I live in an area where people don't live just next door!  ....I feel kind of stupid asking if I can visit them and saying,  "but you'll have to pick me up" !!!  I've thought about selling the house and moving to a 55+ community, but  cannot find a state that is affordable!   Joe's death was unexpected, and we never discussed this type of thing in 41 years!!!  Does anyone know of a state with a decent area for seniors in a 55+ community???  I'm sorry to talk about this here, but, like I said, I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 27, 2018 at 7:11am

Joe,

Thanks for sharing this website.

Comment by Monty on August 26, 2018 at 9:08pm

thanks joe.

its nice to find some material that is useful and relevant in what we are going though 

Comment by Alice Thompson on August 26, 2018 at 8:50pm
Hi Joe, Nancy and all you wonderful loving friends in this group, I read her book recently. I found it such a relief from the usual things you hear and read. I felt heard and understood. But she also tries valiantly to give advice to people who haven’t experienced such devastating loss, to help them help people like us, and there I’m afraid she’s trying to do the (almost?) impossible. Other people just can’t stand it... our reality. It’s too horrific for them, the idea it can’t be fixed. The dedication in her book says it all: “for those who are the stuff of other people’s nightmares” (or something like that). I still recommend it though.
Comment by Nancy on August 26, 2018 at 8:25pm

Thank you Joe.

Comment by joe kelly on August 26, 2018 at 3:26pm

I'm tired of everyone trying to "fix me".  I can't be fixed.  I found this website and pasted the "about page" of a psychotherapist who treated grief the way the medical community was taught to treat it until she lost her loved one.  She realized as some of us here do that they have it wrong.

https://www.refugeingrief.com/about/

Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 17, 2018 at 9:30am

Hi Elynn and Monty

I have this picture right by my computer. It really helped me accept the fact that I will never stop grieve fro my Husband. I find no comfort with family and Friends, just my sweet little dog Babie J.

Comment by Elynn m on August 17, 2018 at 12:13am

thank you Monty for your comments.  I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say.   I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends, because I don't want to hurt their feelings, and do not wish this on anyone!   I get depressed once in awhile, because it's been 3 years, and I am finally realizing that I am alone after 41 years of marriage.       I'm grateful for this site, because I can express myself without fear of hurting feelings.   Everyone else here understands.  

Comment by Monty on August 16, 2018 at 11:56pm

Hi Elynn

sorry so to hear of your loss and how your feeling.

My wife passed December last year and i have also found that people have stopped calling and don't come around. I too am feeling isolated and alone.

Luckily for me i have my sister who has been an amazing shoulder to cry on and a great listener.

I've also have a friend in america who has recently lost his wife to cancer. we have been chatting and its appears to be a common thread to hear how alone and isolated people in grief (particularly when loosing your life partner).

In thinking about it,  I've realised that when talking people in general we tend to relate by trading stories about our life and experience's and interests.  we bond by talking about how we are similar  and how we have managed challenges ( and often helped others ).

when someone is so traumatised by loosing a loved one, people don't know how to react.  They don't know how to relate because thankfully for them they haven't had the huge trauma in their life of loosing a loved one.

therefore they find it very hard to relate and talk to people, they don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable.

i feel sorry for them. i know they want to help. i know they love me as a friend and feel afraid and unsure of how to react around me.

I think i will try something different with one or two of my friends (the ones that i think will cope.)

  Im going to let them know that its ok to not know how to relate to someone who is going though a huge trauma and is grief stricken .

  Im going to explain that i value their friendship and value their conversation and company.

  I hope to enable them to just listen and not feel bad that they cannot make me feel better at that instant in time, and let them know that being with friends is a immense help .

I hope that i don't loose my friends :D.

but I'm not going to be cross with them any more for not calling.

please note i am not trained in psychology or grief in any way.

and these are my own deductions and decisions.

and may not be for every one.

kindest regards Monty

Comment by Elynn m on August 16, 2018 at 10:52pm

I have been feeling very lonely lately,  and  am depressed.  I miss joe.  Our 44th anniversary is coming up august 31st.  The friends we had together are busy with their lives.  They don't call often, so I stopped calling them.   Only one of our friends still calls.   My children are busy, and I understand.  My son lives 10 minutes away. He is very good about asking if I want to go with them to different places.  My daughter is 45 minutes away, and is busy with her new house, and her husband and 2 children.  I understand.   I don't drive, so I can't just pick up and go when I want to!.  Anyway, I'm thankful for griefshare, because I can express myself openly.   Thanks for being here to listen!

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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10 hours ago
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
18 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
19 hours ago
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yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
Thursday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
Thursday
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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