Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

Discussion Forum

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by bluebird on August 30, 2018 at 10:07pm
I would be upset too, Geri. I'm sorry that happened to you. If I were you, I would ask to speak to the doctor or, if there is one, the patient advocate, and complain/explain why that was wrong and inappropriate, and why you are so upset
Comment by Geri on August 30, 2018 at 7:17pm

Yesterday I was scheduled for a minor eye operation. I was asked at the admissions desk if my husband was my next of kin (for picking me up after surgery). I was upset and explained he had just passed 4 months ago. I was then told all my paperwork needed my marital status changed. I went numb. As far as I'm concerned I'm still married. I still have a husband even though he is not physically here with me. Why is this labelling necessary? I was and still am so upset.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 30, 2018 at 8:07am

Hi Elynn,

I live in Florida and live on the East Coast which I find is more expensive to live, when my Husband and I first looked we found the West Coast much cheaper but really crowded so we ended up in St. Augustine, Fl which now be coming very expensive. My friend lives in Henderson, Nevada, and they have senior housing based on your income.

Morgan where do you in Florida?

Comment by morgan on August 30, 2018 at 12:43am

Joe, the website you posted was really quite a find.  I am not about to pay for counseling on how to write (journaling)since I've been doing that since day one but her reflections on how society just does not account for how people grieve is spot on.  Its amazing how only when your spouse dies do you really get the impact of how painful losing your love is.  Even for a psychotherapist.

Ellyn, it is good for you to come here and unload.  We all do it.  As for your question about 55+ community I used to live in a neighborhood in a house in West Palm Beach FL and there are plenty of 55+ communities down there.  Dont know what you consider affordable but there are "apartment" communities with 1bed/1/bath for around $40-60K and monthly HOA fees around $350.  Not fancy but in a decent area.  Century Village on Okeechobee Blvd is where you will find it.  They have bus routes to get around easily and activities on the grounds.  They were originally Jewish but now that has eased quite a bit.  Mainly just a way to live more affordably, in the sunshine, and be close to shopping and activities for older people.  I have thought about buying something there (no I'm not Jewish)but I have my hands full right now.  At least it is warm (well, hot) and you don't have to deal with ice and snow.......

Just my two cents.

And I hope tomorrow is an ok day for you.  Three years on is still raw.  I have yet to get really good days and I am five years plus into losing the one person who meant everything to me.  I am just able to defer the pain for longer periods but it still creeps up on me and then takes me down.  


Comment by Elynn m on August 30, 2018 at 12:40am

Thank you Monty for the encouragement.   I do talk to my sister in law, who is willing to listen.   I know my own sisters would also, but I am afraid, or embarrassed  (?) to bring it up.   I'll try to be more open.   I know my sisters would  love to talk, but probably think I don't want to talk about my feelings.   They talk about Joe, and how great he was, but don't really want to get into feelings.   Guess I could tell them how I feel  (sad, lonely, etc.) And they would talk.

Comment by Monty on August 30, 2018 at 12:21am

Elynn I'm so sorry to hear of you pain and current loneliness / situation.

  I don't know what state has what services in america so cant help you much on that front.

  I live in a built up area and have until recently felt quite isolated and alone. most of my friends could not talk to me or listen to me when i start about grief.

  i have found just even talking on the phone to my sister (who is an amazing listener) helps so much.  she isn't afraid to hear what i need to talk about and i look forward to our conversations with her so much.

  i also need to remind myself to allow people to help..  i tend not to like to rely on others to much.

  don't be to afraid to let others help you and come pick you up from time to time.

regards Monty

Comment by Elynn m on August 29, 2018 at 11:53pm

I came back today because I need to talk.  I didn't think I would get to this stage ....of always feeling lonely, but I guess I am.  How do I get through this?   I cannot go out of the house to visit someone, because I don't drive....I live in an area where people don't live just next door!  ....I feel kind of stupid asking if I can visit them and saying,  "but you'll have to pick me up" !!!  I've thought about selling the house and moving to a 55+ community, but  cannot find a state that is affordable!   Joe's death was unexpected, and we never discussed this type of thing in 41 years!!!  Does anyone know of a state with a decent area for seniors in a 55+ community???  I'm sorry to talk about this here, but, like I said, I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 27, 2018 at 7:11am


Thanks for sharing this website.

Comment by Monty on August 26, 2018 at 9:08pm

thanks joe.

its nice to find some material that is useful and relevant in what we are going though 

Comment by Nancy on August 26, 2018 at 8:25pm

Thank you Joe.


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Latest Activity

Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Jul 16
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Jul 16
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Jul 16
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Jul 16
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Jul 16
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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