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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

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Comment by Monty on August 30, 2018 at 12:21am

Elynn I'm so sorry to hear of you pain and current loneliness / situation.

  I don't know what state has what services in america so cant help you much on that front.

  I live in a built up area and have until recently felt quite isolated and alone. most of my friends could not talk to me or listen to me when i start about grief.

  i have found just even talking on the phone to my sister (who is an amazing listener) helps so much.  she isn't afraid to hear what i need to talk about and i look forward to our conversations with her so much.

  i also need to remind myself to allow people to help..  i tend not to like to rely on others to much.

  don't be to afraid to let others help you and come pick you up from time to time.

regards Monty

Comment by Elynn m on August 29, 2018 at 11:53pm

I came back today because I need to talk.  I didn't think I would get to this stage ....of always feeling lonely, but I guess I am.  How do I get through this?   I cannot go out of the house to visit someone, because I don't drive....I live in an area where people don't live just next door!  ....I feel kind of stupid asking if I can visit them and saying,  "but you'll have to pick me up" !!!  I've thought about selling the house and moving to a 55+ community, but  cannot find a state that is affordable!   Joe's death was unexpected, and we never discussed this type of thing in 41 years!!!  Does anyone know of a state with a decent area for seniors in a 55+ community???  I'm sorry to talk about this here, but, like I said, I don't have anyone else to talk to.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 27, 2018 at 7:11am

Joe,

Thanks for sharing this website.

Comment by Monty on August 26, 2018 at 9:08pm

thanks joe.

its nice to find some material that is useful and relevant in what we are going though 

Comment by Alice Thompson on August 26, 2018 at 8:50pm
Hi Joe, Nancy and all you wonderful loving friends in this group, I read her book recently. I found it such a relief from the usual things you hear and read. I felt heard and understood. But she also tries valiantly to give advice to people who haven’t experienced such devastating loss, to help them help people like us, and there I’m afraid she’s trying to do the (almost?) impossible. Other people just can’t stand it... our reality. It’s too horrific for them, the idea it can’t be fixed. The dedication in her book says it all: “for those who are the stuff of other people’s nightmares” (or something like that). I still recommend it though.
Comment by Nancy on August 26, 2018 at 8:25pm

Thank you Joe.

Comment by joe kelly on August 26, 2018 at 3:26pm

I'm tired of everyone trying to "fix me".  I can't be fixed.  I found this website and pasted the "about page" of a psychotherapist who treated grief the way the medical community was taught to treat it until she lost her loved one.  She realized as some of us here do that they have it wrong.

https://www.refugeingrief.com/about/

Joe

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 17, 2018 at 9:30am

Hi Elynn and Monty

I have this picture right by my computer. It really helped me accept the fact that I will never stop grieve fro my Husband. I find no comfort with family and Friends, just my sweet little dog Babie J.

Comment by Elynn m on August 17, 2018 at 12:13am

thank you Monty for your comments.  I try to remind myself that friends don't know what they r doing, and they don't know what to say.   I know that everyone will face this at some time, but I cannot say that to friends, because I don't want to hurt their feelings, and do not wish this on anyone!   I get depressed once in awhile, because it's been 3 years, and I am finally realizing that I am alone after 41 years of marriage.       I'm grateful for this site, because I can express myself without fear of hurting feelings.   Everyone else here understands.  

Comment by Monty on August 16, 2018 at 11:56pm

Hi Elynn

sorry so to hear of your loss and how your feeling.

My wife passed December last year and i have also found that people have stopped calling and don't come around. I too am feeling isolated and alone.

Luckily for me i have my sister who has been an amazing shoulder to cry on and a great listener.

I've also have a friend in america who has recently lost his wife to cancer. we have been chatting and its appears to be a common thread to hear how alone and isolated people in grief (particularly when loosing your life partner).

In thinking about it,  I've realised that when talking people in general we tend to relate by trading stories about our life and experience's and interests.  we bond by talking about how we are similar  and how we have managed challenges ( and often helped others ).

when someone is so traumatised by loosing a loved one, people don't know how to react.  They don't know how to relate because thankfully for them they haven't had the huge trauma in their life of loosing a loved one.

therefore they find it very hard to relate and talk to people, they don't know what to say and feel uncomfortable.

i feel sorry for them. i know they want to help. i know they love me as a friend and feel afraid and unsure of how to react around me.

I think i will try something different with one or two of my friends (the ones that i think will cope.)

  Im going to let them know that its ok to not know how to relate to someone who is going though a huge trauma and is grief stricken .

  Im going to explain that i value their friendship and value their conversation and company.

  I hope to enable them to just listen and not feel bad that they cannot make me feel better at that instant in time, and let them know that being with friends is a immense help .

I hope that i don't loose my friends :D.

but I'm not going to be cross with them any more for not calling.

please note i am not trained in psychology or grief in any way.

and these are my own deductions and decisions.

and may not be for every one.

kindest regards Monty

 

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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
7 hours ago
Aimee Hall Fuszard updated their profile photo
7 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you Joe for your posts. In a weird way it gives me a lift.  How?  Because I know that I am not making up how hard this suffering is.   My closest friend and sibling also know how I feel about dying and I know I would not have to…"
8 hours ago
Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"joe that is incredible. thanks for the time and energy sharing. i think ill look at some of your suggestions and see what will work for me. for me this week has been hard. 1 week until first anniversary of her death, i don't know what to…"
10 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Read second post first Morgan. Had to break it up into two parts and did it backwards."
11 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
""As the years are passing I feel the need more and more." When I read some of you guys suffering so long, it gives me great fear that despite my health neglect, and legal preparations, I don't know when it will actually come to…"
11 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, "I read your words and it brings me to my knees."  I keep asking God to let me go many times a day.  I tell Him/Her/It that I will never relent until my prayer is answered.  I ask my love to keep asking too and have…"
11 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks Bluebird for nice comment about my Julian. He was so caring and was my rock. Being with him for 24/7 for 13 years of our retirement was bliss, I thank God for this time together.  Morgan & Joe I keep believing there is eternal love…"
15 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe, I read your words and it brings me to my knees.  I so want to join my husband.  As the years are passing I feel the need more and more.  I am not sure I understand totally how your OBE has given you more faith that somehow we…"
17 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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17 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, Your Julian looks like such a nice man in that photo; what a lovely smile! Joe, Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you are right."
19 hours ago
Pamela philipp commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I lost my mother on 9-6-15 eight days before I lost my husband on 9-14-15 and I feel horrible because I am struggling with how I am grieving for my mother because we had a very strained relationship because my mother was an alcoholic all her life…"
19 hours ago
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Bluebird, It is impossible for us to know for absolutely sure what exactly happens when we die.  Oh, how I would love her to appear before me and tell me she's here and waiting for me, but I also know that she can't do that…"
21 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Bluebird, I am so glad that the folks on this forum feel the same way I do. Society is always trying to label people, if we don't agree with them they think we are weird or crazy. My sweet Husband Julian taught me to ignore what other people…"
23 hours ago
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Sorry, I meant Linda and Monty and Joe."
yesterday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I fully agree with you both, Linda and Monty. My deep and abiding grief is the only response I could possibly have to my husband's death. My soulmate was torn from me, and I don't know if his wonderful soul still exists, or if I will ever…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Avi, it would be nice to have a friend. The time gap is big but we can agree on a time to talk. Keeping busy also functions for me. Anyways, as soon as I have free time the thoughts and feelings came back and grief hits so hard. I wish you have a…"
yesterday
Daylight commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M Adams , I hope this feeling of desolation lessens in time. It is an extremely hard process. Unbearable at times. I hope you are doing well."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Daylight India is 8.30 hours ahead of Argentina. We can talk at your early morning whenever you want.  Feeling of desolation still exists for me but I try to be strong and do things (work, travel, eating etc) with sincerity. "
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Agreed, Daylight.  I often think about how appalled my mom and my husband would be by my current state.  But I would say that the feeling of total desolation will change, based on my experience with my husband’s death, thirty months…"
yesterday

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