Information

Lost My Spouse...

Members: 359
Latest Activity: yesterday

Discussion Forum

Rejoining the rest of the world 3 Replies

I am getting ready to return to work for the first time since the death of John. I know I have to go on living for now. I have reflected on my spiritual beliefs. I have to believe that John is indeed…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Monty on Sunday.

FAILING 7 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Christopher Jul 23.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Lost My Spouse... to add comments!

Comment by Jeff Tice yesterday

Thank you bluebird.  My kids have been a huge comfort for me.  Making me laugh even when I don't want to and giving me someone to occupy my time and energy with.  I am working my way through this slowly and they help tremendously.  I know my family only wants the best for me.  I even understand their point of view to some extent, but they don't have the same struggle as me.  My wife wasn't part of their day to day life.  For me, I lost part of my reason for living. 

Hi Monty, Thank you.  I've had a lot of friends and family to help initially, but since then I have felt a little isolated mostly due to lack of time.  I try to get out on the weekends if possible to be around other adults and I find that it helps a little.  A grief support group my help more if I had the time.

I pray that we all find some peace after this kind of a loss.  I'm only now understanding how different this process can be for different people. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on Monday

Hi Jeff,

So sorry for your loss.

Comment by Monty on Sunday

Hi Jeff

sorry to hear about your wife passing. i can only imaging and guess at what your going though.

   After my wife passing last year, i had family and friends helping out

with me and the boys.

i feel that lots of men tend to bury/push to the side the grief and emotions, they just get on with it.  

   I tended to try and be strong (for my two boys) and and not reach out to much.

  i dont know if being this way (being the strong male, the provider & protector) has anything to do with it, but i haven't had a good nights sleep since my wife passed (going on over 7 months now) , being woken up with dreams,not the good ones :).

In hind sight i think that may have been a mistake for me. i have tended to become a little isolated now and feel like i down want to have to go out and put on that smily face.

i am now working on going a mens grief group and see if i can get out of this rut.

I wish you and your family all the best in this very emotional and difficult time.

Kind regards Monty

Comment by bluebird on Sunday

Just to be clear -- I only meant that it's good that your children are with you, and that therefore your wife is too, in a way.

Comment by bluebird on Sunday

Jeff,

I'm sorry, it must be so difficult with the children. At the same time, they are also part of her, so in that way it's good. My husband died shortly before his 42nd birthday; I was 44. My life ended the moment his did. 

Of course your family and friends want you to be/feel "better", but remember that you are under no obligation to fake being better for their sake. If they really want to help you, they will not try to force you to "move on" unless/until you are ready to do so.  Of course you need to try not to act too sad/depressed around your children, as they need your strength right now, but IMHO you don't need to put on an act around the adults. If you are going to heal at all, you need to be able to do so at your own pace, not at a pace dictated or preferred by anyone else. I'm sure your family members love you, but they need to understand this as well.

Comment by Jeff Tice on Sunday
Thank you Nancy for the kind words. I'm sorry 06to hear about your husband. My wife's grandfather passed away 17 years ago due to cancer that progressed quickly too and I watched her struggle with the grief. I know that your experience is quite a bit different with your husband but I understand how bad cancer can be. I can relate to your experience with family as mine want to see me getting "better" so I generally put on a happy face when in public. Meanwhile, I break down once I'm home and the kids are asleep. I've never found being happy to be so exhausting before. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family as well.
Comment by Nancy on Saturday

I'm so sorry for your loss Jeff.  I hope you will find support and comfort on this site and what I have appreciated here is being able to say whatever I feel and not be judged.  I lost my husband of 43 years last May and I am trying to find my new normal.  Many people I work with and even my family (not my kids) think I should have " moved on" since it's been a year.  He was only sick for 7 months and during that time we were fighting the cancer with treatment.  It was until 3 weeks before he passed that I knew it was futile. So I believe for me I have just within the last months begun to grieve after getting thru the shock of it all.  What I appreciate on this site is knowing others have the same feelings and do not expect there is some standard for grieving.  I am sending you and your small children my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Jeff Tice on Friday

My wife Jennifer passed away on July 15 this year and every day that's followed has been filled with tidal waves of emotions.  One moment I seem to be doing okay and the next I feel hopelessly lost.  There are so many facets of this that I'm trying to deal with.  I'm only 47, so the idea of going the rest of my life without her feels like looking up a cliff face knowing that I somehow have to climb it.  We have two children (a one year old and a six year old) that I am now raising on my own.  My wife stayed home because we had always planned on raising our own children instead of a daycare and we were fortunate enough to be able to do it.  Now that's not even an option.  I keep looking back at our past and all the things we meant to do, but now we never will.  To top it off I go through moments where I don't even know how to make it through a day.  Fortunately I have family, friends, and our church to help which I don't has been great, but the hardest problem is something that nobody can help with.  I feel like ever since my wife passed there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart was.  We were together for almost twenty years and married for almost 19.  She was the person who completed me and now that she's gone I don't feel whole.  I know that time will make things easier, but for now seems impossible to imagine.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 6, 2018 at 4:17pm

Tomorrow is Nat'l Lighthouse Day, I will visit the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory.We both loved Lighthouses and have walked many through our life together, now I walk alone.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 5, 2018 at 7:15am

Trina,

Beautiful picture of you both, he is very handsome, we are both still married.

 

Members (359)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I am so happy for you. And you are obviously doing better with women than I am..."
19 hours ago
Chanel commented on Cathy Richardson's group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"I'm sorry to hear that you're still going through a tough time, Rain. I feel like some days I'm okay and others I'm struggling. I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to."
21 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi! Bluebell"
yesterday
Susan Dee Leatham posted a blog post

While I was sleeping

It has been 4 years since my mom died.  I still think about it every day, and can't seem to look past it.  I know I need to go grocery shopping.  I know I need to entertain my 4 year old but before I do anything today I want to share what has helped me tremendously in making my mom's death easier to live with.The first thing that helps is remembering her and being stubborn about NOT letting her go.  I don't have to let my mom go.  She already went.  The thing I do have to do is admit how I feel…See More
yesterday
Susan Dee Leatham posted a status
"It has been 4 years since I lost my mom. I never got "over" it. It has remained the most traumatic terrible thing that has ever happened."
yesterday
Profile IconCJ, Roslyn E!lison, Brend and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Your mom is all around you..."
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks a lot Theressa.  For 4 days it was a roller coaster ride as we were in hospital but now as I am at my home I again get sad feeling my mother's absence. My wife and daughter is at my wife's place as there is no lady at my place…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Congratulations Avi!!!!! You have many happy years ahead of you!!!"
yesterday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All Guys I was away for few days as I am blessed with a baby girl on 10 Aug 18. Both mother and baby doing fine.  I planned my baby only as my mother wanted to see her grand child but destiny had other plans. But I hope she has still blessed…"
yesterday
Rain commented on Cathy Richardson's group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
"It's been almost two years for me. It doesn't hurt any less. Some days I push it away but then all of a sudden every bit of it hits like a ton of bricks. I did tell a few of my best friends and I mostly regret it. Now I feel it's just…"
yesterday
Frances Koonce replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"Awww- I’m sorry about that! It must make you feel really terrible that you can’t just take her home.  The same thing happened with my mom after her heart attack. She couldn’t just live by herself anymore. We had to empty her…"
yesterday
Profile Iconmorgan and Natasha Camacho-Gomes joined Amy Reed's group
Thumbnail

Losing a spouse and dating again

I lost my spouse 16 months ago. Have gotten into a new relationship but he lets me grieve openly. I have a2 year old daughter. Also I am 26See More
yesterday
dream moon JO B replied to dream moon JO B's discussion mad at god
"iv bean to day to sea her iv hadto liee to her wish i feal bad wen can i go homee wen drs says so wear isdr on holday  why am hear coz dr says so i anserd it for abot 40 mins i did evry tim i leabee i feal dranedd i do  th 5 mons latr she…"
yesterday
dream moon JO B and Frances Koonce are now friends
yesterday
Jeff Tice commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thank you bluebird.  My kids have been a huge comfort for me.  Making me laugh even when I don't want to and giving me someone to occupy my time and energy with.  I am working my way through this slowly and they help…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Jeff, So sorry for your loss."
Monday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Anxiety/panic is awful, I had it so bad after my mom passed I was walking with my legs shaking, it was awful I though I this how I have to live the rest of my life in a state anxiety/panic? Just awful I understand what you are going through."
Monday
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The indifference is hard. I hate it when people ask me how Zim doing or how lifw is... I just want to scream at them “how do you think it is!” My boss constantly asks me and everytime I just respond with a “fine” or…"
Monday
Profile IconJoanna Kalovich, Tea Pot, Cheryl and 1 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service