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Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

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Comment by bluebird on August 12, 2018 at 6:12pm

Just to be clear -- I only meant that it's good that your children are with you, and that therefore your wife is too, in a way.

Comment by bluebird on August 12, 2018 at 6:11pm

Jeff,

I'm sorry, it must be so difficult with the children. At the same time, they are also part of her, so in that way it's good. My husband died shortly before his 42nd birthday; I was 44. My life ended the moment his did. 

Of course your family and friends want you to be/feel "better", but remember that you are under no obligation to fake being better for their sake. If they really want to help you, they will not try to force you to "move on" unless/until you are ready to do so.  Of course you need to try not to act too sad/depressed around your children, as they need your strength right now, but IMHO you don't need to put on an act around the adults. If you are going to heal at all, you need to be able to do so at your own pace, not at a pace dictated or preferred by anyone else. I'm sure your family members love you, but they need to understand this as well.

Comment by Jeff Tice on August 12, 2018 at 11:09am
Thank you Nancy for the kind words. I'm sorry 06to hear about your husband. My wife's grandfather passed away 17 years ago due to cancer that progressed quickly too and I watched her struggle with the grief. I know that your experience is quite a bit different with your husband but I understand how bad cancer can be. I can relate to your experience with family as mine want to see me getting "better" so I generally put on a happy face when in public. Meanwhile, I break down once I'm home and the kids are asleep. I've never found being happy to be so exhausting before. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family as well.
Comment by Nancy on August 11, 2018 at 9:48am

I'm so sorry for your loss Jeff.  I hope you will find support and comfort on this site and what I have appreciated here is being able to say whatever I feel and not be judged.  I lost my husband of 43 years last May and I am trying to find my new normal.  Many people I work with and even my family (not my kids) think I should have " moved on" since it's been a year.  He was only sick for 7 months and during that time we were fighting the cancer with treatment.  It was until 3 weeks before he passed that I knew it was futile. So I believe for me I have just within the last months begun to grieve after getting thru the shock of it all.  What I appreciate on this site is knowing others have the same feelings and do not expect there is some standard for grieving.  I am sending you and your small children my thoughts and prayers.

Comment by Jeff Tice on August 10, 2018 at 5:25pm

My wife Jennifer passed away on July 15 this year and every day that's followed has been filled with tidal waves of emotions.  One moment I seem to be doing okay and the next I feel hopelessly lost.  There are so many facets of this that I'm trying to deal with.  I'm only 47, so the idea of going the rest of my life without her feels like looking up a cliff face knowing that I somehow have to climb it.  We have two children (a one year old and a six year old) that I am now raising on my own.  My wife stayed home because we had always planned on raising our own children instead of a daycare and we were fortunate enough to be able to do it.  Now that's not even an option.  I keep looking back at our past and all the things we meant to do, but now we never will.  To top it off I go through moments where I don't even know how to make it through a day.  Fortunately I have family, friends, and our church to help which I don't has been great, but the hardest problem is something that nobody can help with.  I feel like ever since my wife passed there is a gaping hole in my chest where my heart was.  We were together for almost twenty years and married for almost 19.  She was the person who completed me and now that she's gone I don't feel whole.  I know that time will make things easier, but for now seems impossible to imagine.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 6, 2018 at 4:17pm

Tomorrow is Nat'l Lighthouse Day, I will visit the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory.We both loved Lighthouses and have walked many through our life together, now I walk alone.

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 5, 2018 at 7:15am

Trina,

Beautiful picture of you both, he is very handsome, we are both still married.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 8:08pm

This is how I will always remember the love of my life Joseph: like a ray of sunshine, always smiling, happy, loving, caring, generous, and so handsome. I will love you forever, Joseph! Till we meet again.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on August 4, 2018 at 8:06pm

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 2, 2018 at 5:41pm
Trina,

Thanks so much for caring, I love all the people on this site. There is no judging you, only kindness
 

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Billy Jo Colt commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Hi Pamela, I can understand your situation as you aretorn between two worlds. Your daughter in her own way is trying to help you with your grieving process. She thinks that her way is the only way through your grief. It is also a confrontation you…"
1 hour ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Brett Your words give me hope that I will be with my mom someday. This is enough motivation to live.  Virginia, sometimes we do feel that God has done lot of injustice to us but if you look around there are people who suffer lot more than…"
2 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, do you think I feel any joy right now? I don't. But I think about how much my mom loved me and how much it would hurt her if i harmed myself. She could not have led a happy life if she knew that was in my future. She would have held…"
5 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird,   I always feel a spiritual kinship with what you write.  You were the first person here who when I started reading who was honest and told it like it was.  That hasn't changed and I truly believe that if anyone outside…"
7 hours ago
morgan commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Pamela, I may not be the best person to respond because U can get kind of feisty `but i am going to anyhow.  I will be at six years in January.  I have pictures of my husband all over my house.  I am still slowly going through boxes I…"
9 hours ago
Virginia G posted a discussion

What’s the point

Whats the point of living if there’s no happiness?  If you don’t care about anything except being with the person you lost...if everything is meaningless...if you can’t stand the pain or the numbness...if you don’t belong anywhere..if everything feels wrong...if you have no idea what to do about it...if you can’t get through the daySee More
10 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There’s no joy without her and I wouldn’t want any. its the only answer"
10 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…See More
14 hours ago
Denise Lavoie left a comment for Pamela philipp
"Hi everyone Scotishbrat here. We had our 1st snowfall Thursday. If Ron was here we would be out making a snowman laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.We did everything together.When he passedl felt so lost I still do its like half of me is…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe & Bluebird, Thanks for sharing you thoughts mine are exactly the same. I hate that I have to go on in this world. I have friends that our dying of cancer, I would trade places with them if I could. To endure my feelings I drink at least 6…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, you so often end your posts with something ominous. You are trying to say something and it is coming across loud and clear. Don't wish yourself dead. Try to live while you're alive. Find joy where you can. Never give up."
Saturday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Some songs have popped into my head for no reason but that are appropriate.  I don’t even listen to the radio anymore so it’s not like I heard them recently.  I wasn’t trying to think of songs either.  First it was I…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I love the Doors. Jim Morrison is just the coolest. And I love that song. It's about feeling alone in a crowd. I can relate. Virginia, why would God tell you that you deserve to be alone? I think it is quite the opposite. You are telling…"
Saturday
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am realizing the only people that truly love me are my family. So how am I expected to live without them?"
Saturday
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"I agree, that is a big step. You should be proud of yourself for being able to take that step. ((((Hugs))))"
Saturday
Fran left a comment for Denise Lavoie
"Hello Scottishbrat. I just passed the 4 year mark of losing my husband. With him I felt complete. Now I just seem to be in limbo. I don't remember what  hobbies I used to enjoy. My life had been taking care of him and the 2 wonderful…"
Friday
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi my name is scotishbrat this will be my 3rd holiday season with out my love.It is so hard to do anything.l have crying spells that are so intense it feels like l am going to die.Once l stary it could go on for hours and then l feel completely…"
Friday
Kristen Harlow replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"Such a good question. No, probably not. I've finally come to the place where I have accepted that I have to accept it's over. That feels like a big step."
Friday
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"That is a lot of shit to deal with, all at once. It's good your sister is ok now.  If the man who you feel is your best friend and the love of your life were to come back now, do you think you would be ready to be with him now?"
Friday
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, As usual, I identify so much with your post.  As you said, by burying our soulmates we buried ourselves. Why can't people understand that? If I had a child with my husband, I would feel some pull to live for that child. I felt that…"
Friday

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