Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
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Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on July 24, 2018 at 6:45am


Sorry for loss. I will honest with you that I'm still lost and will always remain lost without my Husband Julian, who passed away 5/5/2013.


Comment by Vickie lemoigne ecklund on July 24, 2018 at 12:26am

I lost my husband 8 months ago I want him back so bad, I'm so alone .yet I got people around but I don't talk to them I want him I trust him I'm so pissed at him for leaving me all alone, he was my rock my everything. I'm always going to be lost?

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 21, 2018 at 9:28am

Hi Morgan,

As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth. 


Comment by morgan on July 20, 2018 at 10:19pm

Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014

I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't get motivated to tidy up the house or do laundry or cook. P W 2012

Do things at your own pace. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. Ever. Amy 2011

ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much Jessie 2016

I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Angela Renter 2016
He died in my arms...I'm miserable. It's been yrs, I'm still miserable. On antidepressants, anti anxiety, and gained 30 pounds. I'm obsessed with dying now.Alicia 2016

I came to this site to connect with people that are going through what I am. Everyone that does not understand loves to give me advice, but they have no clue what this feels like. I literally do not feel like a person anymore. I don't know how to do this. I lost everything they day he passed, I feel the deepest sorrow for him. I can not believe I will never talk, touch or see him in this life. I sometimes like to pretend that he will be back, just so I can get through the day. But the clock never stops and he never walks through the door. I guess, I just want to know how do I do this, how do I live a lifetime without my love. Courtney B 2014

These are all from prior posters. I do wonder how all these people are doing since many of them are years ago. I am hopeful many of them we able to reconstruct their lives since I copied these from the discussion amongst mainly young widowers. And yet I think so much of what they wrote are all the typical reactions whether young or old. I am after five years six months (tomorrow) still in much the same emotional shape as day one. I look and present better on the outside but the absence of my husband is always with me. My ups are somewhat better because I have tried to honor my limits in dealing with the world but my downs are unbelievable painful. Just need to come here often and know I am not alone.......

Comment by Crystal Parker on July 19, 2018 at 1:33am

Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I took care of the kids and the house I dont know anything about Bill's or APR's and taxes he did all this stuff I just dunno I'm just blabbering on I guess ..

Comment by M Adams on July 18, 2018 at 3:22pm

Geraldine, so sorry for all that you are going through -- the desire for images and manifestations of those we've lost to death does seem to be something that many of the bereaved experience.  I really resonate with the urge to recapture my time with my husband -- at this point, two years later, I have surrounded myself with photos and other souvenirs that give me some comfort and context.  I also make a point of wearing things he gave me and even some of his sweaters, for the sense of connection.  These behaviours might seem odd or obsessive to some people, but photos, jewelry, and clothing choices are generally not very noticeable and I think they help me.  Very hard that beautiful memories are now also terribly painful -- the brain struggles when the only source of pleasure is an intense source of pain.  I think that this particular kind of pain does diminish; at least for me I do now mostly feel better when I see his picture, wear a necklace he gave me, etc., and that in turn seems to be helping my mind to clear and heal.  Though I can't bring myself to look at the album I created in a frenzy a few months after his death, I am glad to know it's there and that I will be able to look at it when I feel able to do that again.  

Sudden interest in accessing the spirit world is probably part of the same impulse -- I had never considered it before, but shortly after his death I started searching for mediums.  However, the listings I encountered seemed insincere to me and I never went further, though I found myself being open to "signs" in a way I would never have envisioned before the bereavement.  

What you said about panic following you around is also so sadly familiar -- wish I could say that the panic feelings will disappear, but they haven't for me, though they are definitely less intense and less constant.  When the panic comes it is usually when I am out in the world and I find that just telling myself 'you'll be home soon' somehow helps; maybe you would find that kind of self-soothing worth a try, if you haven't already?  Hope you can find ways to be kind to yourself even in this terrible time.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 10, 2018 at 7:38am

Today is my beloved Husband's birthday. 

Comment by Monty on July 9, 2018 at 4:31pm

thanks linda.

i wish you the very best on this difficult day for you.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 9, 2018 at 7:28am


Tomorrow is my Husbands birthday, every year I spent it at the St. Augustine Lighthouse where I have two pavers in his memory. 

Comment by bluebird on July 8, 2018 at 11:36pm

You are very welcome, Monty. 


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Latest Activity

Billy Jo Colt commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Hi Pamela, I can understand your situation as you aretorn between two worlds. Your daughter in her own way is trying to help you with your grieving process. She thinks that her way is the only way through your grief. It is also a confrontation you…"
20 minutes ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Brett Your words give me hope that I will be with my mom someday. This is enough motivation to live.  Virginia, sometimes we do feel that God has done lot of injustice to us but if you look around there are people who suffer lot more than…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, do you think I feel any joy right now? I don't. But I think about how much my mom loved me and how much it would hurt her if i harmed myself. She could not have led a happy life if she knew that was in my future. She would have held…"
4 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird,   I always feel a spiritual kinship with what you write.  You were the first person here who when I started reading who was honest and told it like it was.  That hasn't changed and I truly believe that if anyone outside…"
7 hours ago
morgan commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Pamela, I may not be the best person to respond because U can get kind of feisty `but i am going to anyhow.  I will be at six years in January.  I have pictures of my husband all over my house.  I am still slowly going through boxes I…"
8 hours ago
Virginia G posted a discussion

What’s the point

Whats the point of living if there’s no happiness?  If you don’t care about anything except being with the person you lost...if everything is meaningless...if you can’t stand the pain or the numbness...if you don’t belong anywhere..if everything feels wrong...if you have no idea what to do about it...if you can’t get through the daySee More
9 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There’s no joy without her and I wouldn’t want any. its the only answer"
9 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…See More
13 hours ago
Denise Lavoie left a comment for Pamela philipp
"Hi everyone Scotishbrat here. We had our 1st snowfall Thursday. If Ron was here we would be out making a snowman laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.We did everything together.When he passedl felt so lost I still do its like half of me is…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe & Bluebird, Thanks for sharing you thoughts mine are exactly the same. I hate that I have to go on in this world. I have friends that our dying of cancer, I would trade places with them if I could. To endure my feelings I drink at least 6…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, you so often end your posts with something ominous. You are trying to say something and it is coming across loud and clear. Don't wish yourself dead. Try to live while you're alive. Find joy where you can. Never give up."
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Some songs have popped into my head for no reason but that are appropriate.  I don’t even listen to the radio anymore so it’s not like I heard them recently.  I wasn’t trying to think of songs either.  First it was I…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I love the Doors. Jim Morrison is just the coolest. And I love that song. It's about feeling alone in a crowd. I can relate. Virginia, why would God tell you that you deserve to be alone? I think it is quite the opposite. You are telling…"
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am realizing the only people that truly love me are my family. So how am I expected to live without them?"
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"I agree, that is a big step. You should be proud of yourself for being able to take that step. ((((Hugs))))"
Fran left a comment for Denise Lavoie
"Hello Scottishbrat. I just passed the 4 year mark of losing my husband. With him I felt complete. Now I just seem to be in limbo. I don't remember what  hobbies I used to enjoy. My life had been taking care of him and the 2 wonderful…"
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi my name is scotishbrat this will be my 3rd holiday season with out my love.It is so hard to do anything.l have crying spells that are so intense it feels like l am going to die.Once l stary it could go on for hours and then l feel completely…"
Kristen Harlow replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"Such a good question. No, probably not. I've finally come to the place where I have accepted that I have to accept it's over. That feels like a big step."
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"That is a lot of shit to deal with, all at once. It's good your sister is ok now.  If the man who you feel is your best friend and the love of your life were to come back now, do you think you would be ready to be with him now?"
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, As usual, I identify so much with your post.  As you said, by burying our soulmates we buried ourselves. Why can't people understand that? If I had a child with my husband, I would feel some pull to live for that child. I felt that…"

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