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Lost My Spouse...

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Rejoining the rest of the world 3 Replies

I am getting ready to return to work for the first time since the death of John. I know I have to go on living for now. I have reflected on my spiritual beliefs. I have to believe that John is indeed…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Monty yesterday.

FAILING 7 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Christopher Jul 23.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

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Comment by Trina Mamoon on July 30, 2018 at 7:58pm

When July  approaches I find myself to be more restless and despondent than usual, because July is the last month leading up to Joseph’s death on August 4th. It will be four years this year that the love of my life took his last breath, literally, as he died of lung cancer. July is the month when we learned that Joseph had a short time left to live, after the four-month-long chemo treatment proved futile. We knew he had a short time to live, we thought perhaps six months. No, it was one month. Of course, we didn’t know it then.  We spent July in a way as people do who know that their days are numbered. That month was a blessed month, we both did our utmost to show each other our deep devotion, eternal love, attention, and caring. Every evening, Joseph would make me one of his signature cocktails—a margarita, a cosmopolitan, or a mai tai while I would make us dinner. He didn’t drink alcohol anymore then as it would have reacted badly with his meds. Then, after dinner, we would sit on the couch holding hands, maybe we would watch one of our favorite shows, or listen to music, or just sit holding hands, very much in love. Yes, it was a magical month in spite of the excruciating pain that Joseph suffered that whole time and I had to watch him helplessly writhe in pain. In spite of the unbearable pain—physical and emotional—we would tell each other how fortunate we were to have spent 19 years with each other. We knew that some people never know true love, but we were one of those couples who had known deep love, and we were thankful for it.

 

The first four days of August were Joseph’s last days on earth. What really stays with me from those last days is that even when he was in unbearable pain—none of the pain meds were working anymore—Joseph was always smiling and gracious to the nurses, the lab technicians, and the wheelchair attendants, thanking them and saying a few kind words to them. I had confirmation then that I had indeed married an extraordinary man, a man who wanted to leave this life with good karma on his conscience, someone who was not going to be angry or bitter that he was dying at age 49. Joseph’s philosophy and outlook on life since I had met him and fallen in love with him until that day he died have been inspirational. And the reason I can go on living even when I wish I were dead is because he was such an inspiration. Thank you Joseph for your love, for the 19beautiful years, and the many, many wonderful memories we made together. I love you and always will.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 30, 2018 at 6:31am

Thanks Anne, She had her eye removed on Friday and she is doing great, the surgeon did an excellent job. 

Comment by AnneJ. on July 29, 2018 at 4:51am

Linda, truly my heart hurts for the slow decline of your loyal and loving companion-of-the-heart Babie J. She is so blessed to have you to help her. Love, AnneJ.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 26, 2018 at 8:19am

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 24, 2018 at 6:45am

Vickie,

Sorry for loss. I will honest with you that I'm still lost and will always remain lost without my Husband Julian, who passed away 5/5/2013.

 

Comment by Vickie lemoigne ecklund on July 24, 2018 at 12:26am

I lost my husband 8 months ago I want him back so bad, I'm so alone .yet I got people around but I don't talk to them I want him I trust him I'm so pissed at him for leaving me all alone, he was my rock my everything. I'm always going to be lost?

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 21, 2018 at 9:28am

Hi Morgan,

As you always do in your posts, you take the words right out of my mouth. 

Linda

Comment by morgan on July 20, 2018 at 10:19pm

Before this nightmare I myself would never have imagined how debilitating the loss of a spouse is. Tracy B 2014

I thought I would be able to focus on my career to help me heal, but I don't even like going to work any more. At home, I can't get motivated to tidy up the house or do laundry or cook. P W 2012

Do things at your own pace. You don't owe an explanation to anyone. Ever. Amy 2011

ther are so many things that were just so simple that meant so much Jessie 2016

I hate to admit this but I really dislike being around couples . Couples around my age or older couples because they have something I never will. Angela Renter 2016
He died in my arms...I'm miserable. It's been yrs, I'm still miserable. On antidepressants, anti anxiety, and gained 30 pounds. I'm obsessed with dying now.Alicia 2016

I came to this site to connect with people that are going through what I am. Everyone that does not understand loves to give me advice, but they have no clue what this feels like. I literally do not feel like a person anymore. I don't know how to do this. I lost everything they day he passed, I feel the deepest sorrow for him. I can not believe I will never talk, touch or see him in this life. I sometimes like to pretend that he will be back, just so I can get through the day. But the clock never stops and he never walks through the door. I guess, I just want to know how do I do this, how do I live a lifetime without my love. Courtney B 2014

These are all from prior posters. I do wonder how all these people are doing since many of them are years ago. I am hopeful many of them we able to reconstruct their lives since I copied these from the discussion amongst mainly young widowers. And yet I think so much of what they wrote are all the typical reactions whether young or old. I am after five years six months (tomorrow) still in much the same emotional shape as day one. I look and present better on the outside but the absence of my husband is always with me. My ups are somewhat better because I have tried to honor my limits in dealing with the world but my downs are unbelievable painful. Just need to come here often and know I am not alone.......

Comment by Crystal Parker on July 19, 2018 at 1:33am

Hi guys I lost my husband January 30th 2017 .. he committed suicide by our house. Night is still a struggle for me I know its still hard for our kids too but sometimes I dont know how to be or act .. he did all the Bill's and went to work I took care of the kids and the house I dont know anything about Bill's or APR's and taxes he did all this stuff I just dunno I'm just blabbering on I guess ..

Comment by M Adams on July 18, 2018 at 3:22pm

Geraldine, so sorry for all that you are going through -- the desire for images and manifestations of those we've lost to death does seem to be something that many of the bereaved experience.  I really resonate with the urge to recapture my time with my husband -- at this point, two years later, I have surrounded myself with photos and other souvenirs that give me some comfort and context.  I also make a point of wearing things he gave me and even some of his sweaters, for the sense of connection.  These behaviours might seem odd or obsessive to some people, but photos, jewelry, and clothing choices are generally not very noticeable and I think they help me.  Very hard that beautiful memories are now also terribly painful -- the brain struggles when the only source of pleasure is an intense source of pain.  I think that this particular kind of pain does diminish; at least for me I do now mostly feel better when I see his picture, wear a necklace he gave me, etc., and that in turn seems to be helping my mind to clear and heal.  Though I can't bring myself to look at the album I created in a frenzy a few months after his death, I am glad to know it's there and that I will be able to look at it when I feel able to do that again.  

Sudden interest in accessing the spirit world is probably part of the same impulse -- I had never considered it before, but shortly after his death I started searching for mediums.  However, the listings I encountered seemed insincere to me and I never went further, though I found myself being open to "signs" in a way I would never have envisioned before the bereavement.  

What you said about panic following you around is also so sadly familiar -- wish I could say that the panic feelings will disappear, but they haven't for me, though they are definitely less intense and less constant.  When the panic comes it is usually when I am out in the world and I find that just telling myself 'you'll be home soon' somehow helps; maybe you would find that kind of self-soothing worth a try, if you haven't already?  Hope you can find ways to be kind to yourself even in this terrible time.

 

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