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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: May 15

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Geri on June 18, 2018 at 4:08am

Oh Vickie lemoigne ecklund my heart breaks for you. There are no words that can take away the pain. 

Comment by Vickie lemoigne ecklund on June 18, 2018 at 3:18am

I lost my husband 7 moths ago and he was my soul mate my everything. I am so lost without out him. I don't know what to do. All I do is cry. How long will I just want to die cuz I'm without out him. His b day is today he would have been 53 years old. We were together18 years without only 3 months apart. Don't know if I'm going to make it through this one.

Comment by bluebird on June 17, 2018 at 10:53pm

As I have often found to be true on this site, my experience has been very much like morgan's, other than I knew I would never again feel "normal" after my husband died. In all other respects, however, my experience has been very much as morgan's post has related hers has been.

The signs I have received, I can never seem to be sure of for any length of time. That is, they sometimes make me feel a bit better in that moment, but that feeling never lasts, in part because I cannot be sure the signs are real, that my husband still exists and that these signs are really from him. I wish I could be sure, but I truly don't think anything could prove hishcontinued existence to me, short of him actually coming to me, while I am conscious and awake, and me being able to see and hear him and converse with him.

Comment by morgan on June 17, 2018 at 10:19pm

Talking about signs from our loved ones I could say I've had some.  They are too hard to explain but I could say that they seemed awfully coincidental if they weren't real signs.  But after the first couple years of a few really singular powerful ones I really haven't felt there has been anything i could ascribe to being a "sign".  

I didnt dream about anything for several years.  Only once in great while.  Now I dream really vivid dreams of him periodically but all that does it make me want him more.  

The worst thing right now is the anxiety in the mornings.  I have no desire to get out of bed.  None.  Why?  Because i know I have to face this awful world without him.  I don't want to wake up.  And when I do then I curse the universe for making it real again and the welling up inside of me is so upset at having to tackle another day my digestive system starts roaring and I normally will feel the crying about to start.  I go through it and think how am I going to last.  I have no control over it.  I know now that as much as I thought my reality would succumb to the physical assault on my system through the stress of the grief and I wold be able to feel more normal, it isnt happening.  I can function better for hours at a  time whereas for the first several years there wasnt an hour that passed where I wasnt in crisis mode.

All I want is for my life to be shortened  Quickly, naturally so if my husband is in another form where he can embrace me again I am ready.......yesterday.

Comment by Nancy on June 17, 2018 at 6:15pm

Joe:  I'm with you on the signs.  I was positive my husband would send me signs.  I've read many books where people say it happens.  It's not a bird or a butterfly,  but they actual see and hear their loved one.  The day he passed 4 eagles circled above our house.  They went higher and higher until they were gone.  I've had nothing since that day 13 months ago. It's all so discouraging.  I keep thinking it's because he can't yet.  ??

Comment by Geri on June 17, 2018 at 3:09pm

I miss my love so much and keep waiting for signs that he is still with with me. Would anyone like to share their stories of signs that their loved one is sending them.

I need some hope.

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 17, 2018 at 11:37am

Hi Morgan

You and I are in the same boat and we both wish it sink with us on it.

Comment by morgan on June 16, 2018 at 11:54pm

Its been a long long road since the day my husband died.   I cannot lie.  This is not getting any easier.  Instead of being in such a fog about what to do next I have more clarity as to what things are going to be like and I dont like or want to live like this.  I seem to be disregarding the approved version of living with grief to seeking a means of eliminating the grief in whatever way I can.  Note: nothing is totally off the table.  

I keep hoping it doesnt come to that.  That something will release me from the constant battering of my mind and heart.  That my body will just give it up.  I know I am not going to be here with my husband. Its not going to happen.  So in order to try to be with him what choice is there??  I know up until now I have taken the beating....the battering.......the constant coping in the hopes some small amount of kindness will be shown to me by the forces of the universe.  And each time I cave to another welling of the memories of the past I cry that I just cannot take this anymore.  That anything is better than this.....this unwillingness to live this aloneness, this missing of spirit contained in that body......

This bodily manifestation must be more ........it must exist in a place and time where I belong.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 16, 2018 at 1:13pm

AnneJ

Thanks for your kindness, I will be so glad when this pain ends and join my Husband in paradise.

Comment by Nancy on June 14, 2018 at 6:35pm

Everything posted today rings so true for me too.  It helps that others truly understand.

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
6 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx.............."
20 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You are a good person. I'm sorry you are gong through this."
20 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"thnx  i no 1 day thy will get loss we got but i will not treet thm way did me "
21 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"Thank you. I am sorry people have abandoned you. "
21 hours ago
dream moon JO B replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"so sorry on yore loss i no u soon lern abot frinds familyy wen it cums to a loss  u soon lern abot real frindss u do evn famllyy 1s it dont trun bac on u wen u need themm "
21 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"You said everything I am feeling right now. I am doing and thinking the same. I know it doesn't help but I am so sorry. "
21 hours ago
Jazi replied to Elynn m's discussion Lonely
"I am new  here and don't really know how to navigate so forgive if I make a mistake. I am drowning in pain and have been ignored by friends. I have only two left and both have many things of their own. I sit at night and hurt until the…"
21 hours ago
Profile IconKayla and Jazi joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Monday
Billy Jo Colt commented on Kelli Auerbach's blog post New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood
"Thank you Kelly for a genuine and bright yet deep insight into how berievement has affected you. Children are resourcefull and it isn't till in later life that the death of a loved one creates a new reality. I've written a song about the…"
May 17
Kelli Auerbach posted a blog post

New York Times essay I wrote about orphanhood

Hi everyone, I am new to the group, but not to loss. Thanks for adding me.I wanted to share an essay I wrote, "Welcome to the Freak Show: Becoming an Orphan in My 20s", that is in the New York Times today. Even though all of our experiences with grief are unique, I hope it resonates in some way.Best, KelliSee More
May 17
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May 17
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May 15
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May 15
Elynn m commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Everyone sounds a little down today.   And that's OK.   I do the same thing.   I am learning how to move on with life.  I know that there will never be another Joe.  He was my life, my love.  I miss…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Over the last couple of days, I've had some real negative thoughts, scary to say the least.  I know I'll never see her here with me again, which I know but can't accept, but today I questioned is she here with me in spirit? …"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Marita, not that I am glad to  hear you suffer from anxiety and fear but thank you for at least sharing that you too are overwhelmed with living.  At times I want to scream that the way I feel is not some cry for sympathy but more I am…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bluebird, You were the original poster who made it real for me that telling the truth about our pain was ok.  That it was how this grief was going to be no mater how I might be told otherwise.  And to know that your truth is that pretty…"
May 15
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, yes, I too have the recurring thoughts my brain sends me that my husband is dead.  It's not possible for me to accept it either.  I know it as fact just as I know the sun shines, but when it appears in my brain I simply cannot…"
May 15
Joe Kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"As much as we all suffer, some may have an additional burden of having to go out into the real world and deal with people in business to survive.  The impact of that makes it all that much more unbearable.  While I'm not in that…"
May 15

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