Lost My Spouse...

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FAILING 8 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Alison J Aug 27.

Rejoining the rest of the world 3 Replies

I am getting ready to return to work for the first time since the death of John. I know I have to go on living for now. I have reflected on my spiritual beliefs. I have to believe that John is indeed…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Monty Aug 12.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

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Comment by morgan on June 17, 2018 at 10:19pm

Talking about signs from our loved ones I could say I've had some.  They are too hard to explain but I could say that they seemed awfully coincidental if they weren't real signs.  But after the first couple years of a few really singular powerful ones I really haven't felt there has been anything i could ascribe to being a "sign".  

I didnt dream about anything for several years.  Only once in great while.  Now I dream really vivid dreams of him periodically but all that does it make me want him more.  

The worst thing right now is the anxiety in the mornings.  I have no desire to get out of bed.  None.  Why?  Because i know I have to face this awful world without him.  I don't want to wake up.  And when I do then I curse the universe for making it real again and the welling up inside of me is so upset at having to tackle another day my digestive system starts roaring and I normally will feel the crying about to start.  I go through it and think how am I going to last.  I have no control over it.  I know now that as much as I thought my reality would succumb to the physical assault on my system through the stress of the grief and I wold be able to feel more normal, it isnt happening.  I can function better for hours at a  time whereas for the first several years there wasnt an hour that passed where I wasnt in crisis mode.

All I want is for my life to be shortened  Quickly, naturally so if my husband is in another form where he can embrace me again I am ready.......yesterday.

Comment by Nancy on June 17, 2018 at 6:15pm

Joe:  I'm with you on the signs.  I was positive my husband would send me signs.  I've read many books where people say it happens.  It's not a bird or a butterfly,  but they actual see and hear their loved one.  The day he passed 4 eagles circled above our house.  They went higher and higher until they were gone.  I've had nothing since that day 13 months ago. It's all so discouraging.  I keep thinking it's because he can't yet.  ??

Comment by joe kelly on June 17, 2018 at 5:36pm

Geraldine, it'll be five months on Thursday that my Darling died in my arms.  I know she loved me with all her heart and if she could she would send me a sign.  I'm convinced that she can't.  I just hope that she can hear and see me.  It keeps getting worse each day and I don't think it'll ever be better.  I pray I die soon too. 

Morgan, the only thing that keeps me from taking my own life is that in my religion, suicide will not join us.  I can't take that chance.  I can only hope that since I'm a smoker, I too will get cancer and refuse treatment and pass on hoping to be reunited with her.  My death will be a happy death hoping to go to her.  I will adore her for eternity.  My fears are that maybe there is nothing after we pass.  The thought of never seeing her again is torturing.  I've come to the conclusion that there are three possibilities.  Either she can see and hear me but can't let me know.  She can't hear or see me and in the same boat as I am.  Or, there's nothing, no afterlife existence.  If that be the case, at least the pain will cease after I die but hope it's not that way.  I want to be with her for ever.  Our bodies will be.  I have my name and birth year on the stone already. My life ended when she died but I'm left here living in hell.   Joe   

Comment by Geri on June 17, 2018 at 3:09pm

I miss my love so much and keep waiting for signs that he is still with with me. Would anyone like to share their stories of signs that their loved one is sending them.

I need some hope.

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 17, 2018 at 11:37am

Hi Morgan

You and I are in the same boat and we both wish it sink with us on it.

Comment by morgan on June 16, 2018 at 11:54pm

Its been a long long road since the day my husband died.   I cannot lie.  This is not getting any easier.  Instead of being in such a fog about what to do next I have more clarity as to what things are going to be like and I dont like or want to live like this.  I seem to be disregarding the approved version of living with grief to seeking a means of eliminating the grief in whatever way I can.  Note: nothing is totally off the table.  

I keep hoping it doesnt come to that.  That something will release me from the constant battering of my mind and heart.  That my body will just give it up.  I know I am not going to be here with my husband. Its not going to happen.  So in order to try to be with him what choice is there??  I know up until now I have taken the beating....the battering.......the constant coping in the hopes some small amount of kindness will be shown to me by the forces of the universe.  And each time I cave to another welling of the memories of the past I cry that I just cannot take this anymore.  That anything is better than this.....this unwillingness to live this aloneness, this missing of spirit contained in that body......

This bodily manifestation must be more must exist in a place and time where I belong.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 16, 2018 at 1:13pm


Thanks for your kindness, I will be so glad when this pain ends and join my Husband in paradise.

Comment by Nancy on June 14, 2018 at 6:35pm

Everything posted today rings so true for me too.  It helps that others truly understand.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 14, 2018 at 6:31pm

Thank you Geraldine, Linda, and Marita,

Our grief for our departed soulmate will never end; we will mourn and grieve the loss of the love of our life for the rest of our lives. As you all put it, our grief will only end when someday we are finally reunited with our love.

Linda, very nicely expressed. It says it all about us the the ones who are living through a lifeless and meaningless life versus the rest of the world who has no experience or understanding about our deep sense of loss and unbearable sorrow.

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 14, 2018 at 1:59pm


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