Information

Lost My Spouse...

Members: 363
Latest Activity: 2 minutes ago

Discussion Forum

Lost my wife 6 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Monty 2 minutes ago.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 1 Reply

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 27.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of Lost My Spouse... to add comments!

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 18, 2018 at 2:12pm

Bluebird,

You have a very valid point, I agree with your comment.

Comment by bluebird on June 18, 2018 at 9:47am

I don't agree -- if there is an afterlife, I WILL be with my husband there, no matter how I die. I will tear the afterlife apart to be with him, if that is what I have to do.

I don't believe in God, but if there is one, if it is a loving god it would not keep soulmates apart because of a suicide it was in part responsible for since it allowed one of them to die, and if it would keep soulmates apart because of suicide then it is an evil tyrant and does not deserve my love or respect, nor will it receive them.

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 18, 2018 at 8:46am

Joe,

I agree with you, my Lutheran religion has taught if I take my own life I will not join My Husband in heaven. The only way I go on is that we are not widowed, still married only he is in Heaven and I am in Hell. 

Comment by Trevy Thomas on June 18, 2018 at 7:15am

My heart goes out to you all. Grief is the hardest pain in the world. A few things I saw in your comments made me want to share. 

Vickie, grief is still new for you and the early part is impossibly hard. My husband died at 49 unexpectedly  and he was also my soul mate. Like everyone here has said, I didn't want to live anymore without him. Be patient with yourself and this pain. We all experience it differently but for me, I noticed a significant change around the two-year mark. Hugs to you. This is a good place to dump your feelings.

Wanting to die and illness: There's a big difference between the two. We can all understand wanting to die in the hopes of returning to our spouse and to escape the pain. As much as it's a taboo subject, it appears to be a common one among grievers. However, when we imagine death, it's usually just the after part we're focused on. Long suffering in a hospital bed at the mercy of medical care is not something most of us want. Dead, maybe. Sick and unable to tend to ourselves, probably not. Contributing to your own disease does not guarantee quick relief. I say this because I saw it happen to several members of my grief group and I'm now suffering from some long-term effects of neglect myself. One friend told me about a long hospital stay where she was not well cared for and completely incapable of helping herself. She just cried all day every day in that hospital bed and no one cared enough to help her. She eventually lost sight in one eye because of lack of care. Everyone dismissed her suffering as craziness. Be careful now. I would rather suffer with my grief alone in the privacy of my home than in a facility.

Signs. I have had many. I heard his words, sensed his presence and protection. I have since remarried -- to another widower -- and that has helped me enormously. But I was never sure initially that this was the right thing to do. Early on when we were dating, my new husband referred to me by the nickname my late husband used. He had no reason to know this name, and did not use it as a name in his sentence but rather a description. I don't know if that made sense to any of you, but when he said it, we were walking down stairs to a subway and right then a big gush of warm wind came up the stairs and lifted my hair. It felt like a hug from my late husband and an acknowledgment that this was the right thing to do. Maybe I'm crazy but I'll take all the signs I can get.

Be patient with yourselves. I feel love for all of you and send you a virtual hug.

Comment by Geri on June 18, 2018 at 4:08am

Oh Vickie lemoigne ecklund my heart breaks for you. There are no words that can take away the pain. 

Comment by Vickie lemoigne ecklund on June 18, 2018 at 3:18am

I lost my husband 7 moths ago and he was my soul mate my everything. I am so lost without out him. I don't know what to do. All I do is cry. How long will I just want to die cuz I'm without out him. His b day is today he would have been 53 years old. We were together18 years without only 3 months apart. Don't know if I'm going to make it through this one.

Comment by bluebird on June 17, 2018 at 10:53pm

As I have often found to be true on this site, my experience has been very much like morgan's, other than I knew I would never again feel "normal" after my husband died. In all other respects, however, my experience has been very much as morgan's post has related hers has been.

The signs I have received, I can never seem to be sure of for any length of time. That is, they sometimes make me feel a bit better in that moment, but that feeling never lasts, in part because I cannot be sure the signs are real, that my husband still exists and that these signs are really from him. I wish I could be sure, but I truly don't think anything could prove hishcontinued existence to me, short of him actually coming to me, while I am conscious and awake, and me being able to see and hear him and converse with him.

Comment by morgan on June 17, 2018 at 10:19pm

Talking about signs from our loved ones I could say I've had some.  They are too hard to explain but I could say that they seemed awfully coincidental if they weren't real signs.  But after the first couple years of a few really singular powerful ones I really haven't felt there has been anything i could ascribe to being a "sign".  

I didnt dream about anything for several years.  Only once in great while.  Now I dream really vivid dreams of him periodically but all that does it make me want him more.  

The worst thing right now is the anxiety in the mornings.  I have no desire to get out of bed.  None.  Why?  Because i know I have to face this awful world without him.  I don't want to wake up.  And when I do then I curse the universe for making it real again and the welling up inside of me is so upset at having to tackle another day my digestive system starts roaring and I normally will feel the crying about to start.  I go through it and think how am I going to last.  I have no control over it.  I know now that as much as I thought my reality would succumb to the physical assault on my system through the stress of the grief and I wold be able to feel more normal, it isnt happening.  I can function better for hours at a  time whereas for the first several years there wasnt an hour that passed where I wasnt in crisis mode.

All I want is for my life to be shortened  Quickly, naturally so if my husband is in another form where he can embrace me again I am ready.......yesterday.

Comment by Nancy on June 17, 2018 at 6:15pm

Joe:  I'm with you on the signs.  I was positive my husband would send me signs.  I've read many books where people say it happens.  It's not a bird or a butterfly,  but they actual see and hear their loved one.  The day he passed 4 eagles circled above our house.  They went higher and higher until they were gone.  I've had nothing since that day 13 months ago. It's all so discouraging.  I keep thinking it's because he can't yet.  ??

Comment by joe kelly on June 17, 2018 at 5:36pm

Geraldine, it'll be five months on Thursday that my Darling died in my arms.  I know she loved me with all her heart and if she could she would send me a sign.  I'm convinced that she can't.  I just hope that she can hear and see me.  It keeps getting worse each day and I don't think it'll ever be better.  I pray I die soon too. 

Morgan, the only thing that keeps me from taking my own life is that in my religion, suicide will not join us.  I can't take that chance.  I can only hope that since I'm a smoker, I too will get cancer and refuse treatment and pass on hoping to be reunited with her.  My death will be a happy death hoping to go to her.  I will adore her for eternity.  My fears are that maybe there is nothing after we pass.  The thought of never seeing her again is torturing.  I've come to the conclusion that there are three possibilities.  Either she can see and hear me but can't let me know.  She can't hear or see me and in the same boat as I am.  Or, there's nothing, no afterlife existence.  If that be the case, at least the pain will cease after I die but hope it's not that way.  I want to be with her for ever.  Our bodies will be.  I have my name and birth year on the stone already. My life ended when she died but I'm left here living in hell.   Joe   

 

Members (363)

 
 
 

Groups

Latest Activity

Monty replied to Kyle McKay's discussion Lost my wife in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Kyle Im so sorry for your loss and the pain your going though. its hard at the start, especially if you don't feel you have any one to talk to. you have a sympathetic ear in here any time you need / wish to talk, i know its not the same as…"
2 minutes ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here I am at a another Holiday Season coming up. All it is, is my six Christmas without my beloved Husband. I was always told time will make things better, I guess these people never knew what a true soulmate is. I feel the same way I did six years…"
1 hour ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Here I am at a another Holiday Season coming up. All it is, is my six Christmas without my beloved Husband. I was always told time will make things better, I guess these people never knew what a true soulmate is. I feel the same way I did six years…"
1 hour ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would say that your mom was fortunate that she did not suffer that way. Sometimes a person will suffer for years before they die. I am certainly glad that I got to be with my mom at the end and tell her that I loved her every day, but it was…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I know you know I did not mean it in that way, but of course not, my question, should I be thankful she did not suffer and lay in a bed and me have to watch her suffer and be able to do nothing as so many had to do on this site.  But as you…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I don't know if we can be thankful that our mom's died under any circumstances. "
yesterday
Profile IconMarian Bruce and Colleen joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"True Brett Should I be thankful? My mom died in an instant she was herself until the last minute. Some say I’m lucky I didn’t have to watch her suffer. But my mom used to always say we suffer everyday in this earth. I would have been…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No, she didn't everyone, good or bad, dies. Few people have an easy death."
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Wow Avi I believe in karma but I’m not sure that your mom has done anything wrong present or past that would make her have gotten that disease"
Tuesday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Thanks Theressa. Yes hope the questions will be answered. In my country, lot of importance is given to Karma and it is believed that whatever you sow and you will reap the same. Not sure how this karma cycle is analyzed and who decided if this was a…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes Avi That’s what we all have to do we have to go on with our lives it’s so much easier said than done I cry sometimes uncontrollably I have hope that one day every question or any uncertainty we have will be answered"
Tuesday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Guys it is completely 1 year when my mother's cancer was detected. I hope I can go back in time and change everything but I can only live with it. "
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Same Brett, yesterday out of the blue driving home from work I burst into tears saying mom why didn't you wait for me to get there before you went in cardiac arrest, well now isn't that stupid on my part.   I feel that I am a…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'll keep going though. I'll keep praying. I'll keep putting one foot in front of the other, but I do not seem to get anywhere. I will always pray for a wink or a nod. Just something to let me know that the Lord is walking with…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Guys, my heart is just broken. So broken. It's not because of some kind of change. It's just three years of sadness that continues to pull me down, and makes me feel that there is very little hope. I am a very spiritual person. When lie…"
Tuesday
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Joe, Thank you for your response, and for providing the link to your post about your NDE as well as describing it in more detail here. Although it's terrible that you were in that accident, in a way it was a blessing for you, in that it allows…"
Monday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Lia, your post made me cry because I also feel similar.  I wish you all strength "
Sunday
Bern commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"2012 September 30th. This fight is real. My only son was shot in the head. The girl and her brother were in the house when it happened. The told police that they were playing with the gun. Well a sister and brother will die and go to hell or heaven…"
Saturday
Teresa D. commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Judy sometimes I feel the same way...why do some who don't deserve to live get to while our kids didn't.  And sometimes when I hear others use that word, "miracle" it upsets me too."
Saturday

© 2018   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service