Lost My Spouse...

Members: 352
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas 6 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty yesterday.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

Healing 18 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Geraldine Brown May 28.

Books 2 Replies

Hello, everyone.I'm reading a book now that is popular, and I wonder what other grievers thought about it. It's called "Wave" and is about the true story of a woman who lost her husband, children,…Continue

Tags: Books

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Trevy Thomas May 11.

Comment Wall


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Comment by AnneJ. on Friday

Linda, the picture of Babie J tore my heart. I'm walking with you. Love, AnneJ.

Comment by Nancy on Thursday

Everything posted today rings so true for me too.  It helps that others truly understand.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on Thursday

Thank you Geraldine, Linda, and Marita,

Our grief for our departed soulmate will never end; we will mourn and grieve the loss of the love of our life for the rest of our lives. As you all put it, our grief will only end when someday we are finally reunited with our love.

Linda, very nicely expressed. It says it all about us the the ones who are living through a lifeless and meaningless life versus the rest of the world who has no experience or understanding about our deep sense of loss and unbearable sorrow.

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 14, 2018 at 1:59pm

Comment by Marita on June 14, 2018 at 10:59am

Dear Linda, Trina, Morgan, Geraldine

We have lost our soul mates and our grief journey will end only when we are reunited with them. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on June 14, 2018 at 7:03am

Dear Morgan, Trina, Geraldine

All of your comments mirror my feelings. Everyday I try, and Everyday I fall, my life is worth nothing at all without my Husband, Julian. All I live for is my sweet little dog Babie J, and she is slowing dying. 

Comment by Geraldine Brown on June 14, 2018 at 5:47am

Dear Morgan and Trina,

As strange as it may seem I find some release in knowing I'm not alone in my thoughts after reading your heartfelt pain. This torture of what is left of my life I know will never change. Each morning starts with uncontrollable tears not being able to see or hear my husband. The anxiety is unbearable. I'm beginning to think I deserve this heartache for the rest of my life as I'm the one here and he is not.

My day if not filled with company takes me through all my memories from  the smallest things like his blue eyes, his smile, the way his hair fell, the moles on his back, his proposal. They are all good memories but they break me. I will not see him again. He will not hold me again.

My evenings are not much different. When darkness begins to stir I go to bed. There is no one to talk to, there is no purpose. I'm hoping this will make the day go faster but then comes the waking every hour. I'm tired but my thoughts go to him and wanting to be with him and the tears start. This cycle of grief continues each day. People say be kind to yourself, you're strong, give yourself time, it's too recent - I don't think missing my beloved will ever change over time. 

Morgan and Trina I can only thank you both for making me feel a fraction normal. My grief is normal. I will acknowledge my feelings. I will mourn him in a way that makes sense to me. I will cry unashamedly. I will miss him forever and I will never let his name be forgotten.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on June 14, 2018 at 4:56am

Dear morgan,

As it is usually the case with you, you write with such poignancy and depth about our wretched condition. You always find the words, emotions, and feelings to describe the hell that many of us on this forum find ourselves in. The futility of living, the purposelessness of our daily existence. To what end?

Ever since the two recent celebrity suicides--Anthony Bourdain and Kate Spade--I've been wondering how I have gone on for almost four years since Joseph's death. I contemplate dying every single day; I think, hope, and pray for my imminent death, but nothing. The needle doesn't move, or maybe it does move a little everyday, I can't tell. 

Like you, I can't stop wondering why the universe had to rob me of the love of my life. Why couldn't Joseph be spared, and why weren't we allowed to grow old together. Of course, there are no answers. It's a cold, indifferent universe that has robbed us of the one most valuable and priceless thing-person that made life worth living. What a miserable and sorry existence this is!

I have no words of consolation to offer you, but just to say that I relate to you fully and empathize with you wholeheartedly. Hang in there!

Hugs, Trina

Comment by morgan on June 13, 2018 at 10:53pm

I am so tired of having to live life. I understand why people commit suicide.  At some point the inability to function like a normal human being must become more than the will to survive the daily assaults on my memory bank.  I get it.  I wonder if there is a way I can rationalize bringing an end to the assaults.  So far I haven't been able to commit to an exit because somehow I think I am supposed to be stronger than that.  But how?  How do I continue feeling the way I do, so broken inside, so saddened by having to live without him?  How do I continue this pretense of a life?  

My coping skills have narrowed.  1) I pretend alot 2) I eat chocolate 3) I watch the news so I can compare my ills to the world at large and try to convince myself that I am going to make a difference by being a good person 4) I try to lean on those who don't judge my emotional illness (grief) at different times but I find its never enough 5) I am becoming a hermit. 

Plus I seem to go through really horrible patches of breakdowns amongst the other not so great times where I am at least managing to crawl around.  The bad patches seem to be getting worse.  I'm in one now again.  Then I'll get a little bit of a break where i am sick of living and don't want to be here but I am not ready to cash in.  Lately the cash in has gotten so intense.  I just don't know how I can keep going through these breakdowns.  

It has screwed up my digestive system so bad I don't know whether I want to eat or when I do I feel so awful.  An overall feeling of disinterest in food compounded when I do eat by bloating, nausea, and cramping gas periodically when I don't medicate with prune juice. I am dehydrated and feel like my immune system is in freefall.  Not that it matters because I would rather get sick and pass but I don't like feeling bad and having to wait out the length of time it might take for my body to naturally collapse.  

All of this makes me feel even more miserable.  I had a man who loved me more than anything.  He would have given anything to still be here with me today and yet the universe has seen fit to take him from me and leave me behind.  I cant square with that.  I have tried everything to bring some sense of normalcy back into my life and yet without him, there seems to be no bottom to the hole i live in.  I periodically peek my head above the rim, look around and then retreat because I just cant handle the complexity anymore.  Its too much to handle without him.  I am overwhelmed by maintaining what others do naturally when they haven't experienced the loss of being physically, emotionally, financially and mentally embedded in another's psyche.  We didnt have a marriage. We had a love affair.......i belong where he is....why wont the universe allow me?

Comment by Trevy Thomas on June 5, 2018 at 10:59am

Thanks to you all for your kind comments. Hugs


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AnneJ. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's photo


"Both.  AnneJ."
43 minutes ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman posted photos
1 hour ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Below is a picture I took at the Dana Point Marina In Orange County California. I thought it might bring a sense of peace and serenity to your day. Bluebell"
2 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
2 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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2 hours ago
Jon-Paul Ackerman commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I have not contacted any mediums yet they contact me. I seem to be a bit of a burden to my Wife lol. The constant grieving and crying is apparently quite annoying. I've deeply divulged in the necromantic arts and I now understand why it is not…"
2 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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3 hours ago
Marita commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Right on point Morgan, I couldn't have said it any better. Thanks for your honesty."
5 hours ago
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Geraldine, i have spoken to two different mediums. Both were recommended to me by the same person but I will say this person was much less of a skeptic than I am. Both readings were a let down. The first one was just awful. Nothing she said hit on…"
6 hours ago
JenShep commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Same here. I’ve been wondering what it is about me that makes me this way. Just out of curiosity, would some of you share your astrological signs? I’m a Capricorn and it’s one of the most loyal signs in the zodiac. I have wondered…"
6 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Morgan, It is so true what you said, that some of us cannot rewire, and I am part of that group."
9 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
"Trina, I agree with your post, that I will not be reunited with my Husband Julian if I take my own live and I would devastate my family. All we can do is wait for our time to come, which I hope is soon.  "
9 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi yes she was so young, my heart aches for  you. Brett, you are right sometimes I see people who are older and still have their parents, I and think to myself wow that should be my mom.  Like you said there is no easy way out of…"
10 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hope it goes well, too, Avi. I still have a long way to go but I can tell you that crying is good. At least it was for me. It's a release and also an expression of love. I think I feel closer to my mom when I cry. Even if not closer to her…"
16 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yesterday night was not great for me. I was thinking that my mom went early, she was only 66 when she died. I also cried in the morning after almost 4-5 days. Sometimes you just want do anything other than feeling grief. Day has just started and I…"
16 hours ago
morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trevy,  Of course it is difficult to hear of others success in managing their grief where some of us feel so helpless.  It doesnt mean that your experience is any less or more relevant to someone elses.  We all deal with loss…"
16 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, I wish I could do more. We all have different stories. We can tell each other not to feel guilty about so many things, but I realize that you cannot un-see what you saw, and I realize that just the timing of your mom's death was beyond…"
17 hours ago
morgan and Geraldine Brown are now friends
20 hours ago
Geraldine Brown commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Has anyone had a reading from a medium to connect with their loved one and would like to share their experience?"
21 hours ago
Monty updated their profile
22 hours ago

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