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Lost My Spouse...

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My wife passed 5 days before christmas 6 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty yesterday.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

Healing 18 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Geraldine Brown May 28.

Books 2 Replies

Hello, everyone.I'm reading a book now that is popular, and I wonder what other grievers thought about it. It's called "Wave" and is about the true story of a woman who lost her husband, children,…Continue

Tags: Books

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Trevy Thomas May 11.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on May 20, 2018 at 11:28am

Oops, forgot the picture 

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 20, 2018 at 11:26am

To all on this site.

This is hanging above my stove. Everyone of us had a royal wedding.

Comment by JenShep on May 20, 2018 at 9:22am

Alice, I totally understand what you’re expressing and I feel the same way although my certainty waxes and wanes. Sometimes I feel so good because I know he’s right here with me and sometimes I can’t feel it and sink back down into hell again. I’ve had a few amazing experiences where I’ve actually felt Tom climb in bed and wrap himself around me. I’ve heard him trying to talk to me - HIS voice. And then months will go by with nothing except my own “feeling” that he’s here. Or worse, my feeling that he’s not. I try the same thing - to push my thoughts to how things are now instead of the physical him that I am missing but it’s still so hard. I keep trying to learn to communicate with him. I meditate. I’ve tried Reiki. I’m just going to keep trying. Probably I’ll keep getting frustrated and sad but I feel like all I can do is keep trying. I guess I’ll just keep having the ups and downs. I just hope to get better at feeling him here. I wish I had been born with the ability like some seem to have been. I feel like my mission now while I’m still here is to learn to do this. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on May 20, 2018 at 2:51am

I watched it too, and I cried, but they were good tears. I have been lucky enough in this life to be loved completely and that love continues. I love him more and more and I know it is the same for him. The physical phase is in the past and it will not return for the rest of my life. I was reaching out via google search about a fortnight ago to find some solutions — again — and typed in “what do you do when your life has been ruined”. I came across something only partially relevant, but it has prompted me to do some conscious work on my thinking. I’ve separated some thoughts out in my head, and have been making an effort to disregard some unhelpful ones. Such as excessively hanging on to memories of his physical self. I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t certain he is with me in a new way, but I am, and that new way is the “living” way, the one that goes on beside me from day to day. It is a subtle change and has come from me alone; if someone had suggested this in any way (and of course they have many times) I would have furiously rejected it. It is only me who understands what is right for me. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on May 19, 2018 at 5:19pm

The royal wedding evoked similar feelings for me as John T. Joseph and I loved watching PBS shows, especially Masterpiece and Mystery, and we watched together the coverage of Princess Diana's tragic death and Prince William And Kate's wedding. So when Prince Harry shed tears, presumably, for his late mother I couldn't stop crying myself. It brought back anew so many memories with Joseph, our idyllic time together for 19 blessed years. I have reconciled myself to living out my life to its natural end. I pray every single day for my early death, but I can not take my own life: apart from being a woman of faith, I also can't subject my family to the kind of grief it would cause if I were to end my own life. Alas, I will have to go on living without my darling Joseph at my side. Please God, let it be soon.

The wedding was very moving. And like morgan, I, too, wish the royal couple much happiness and a long life together. May they know the kind of love that we, on this site, have known with our spouses.

Comment by John T. on May 19, 2018 at 2:49pm

It was when they sang "Stand By Me" that I turned it off.  I never heard that song presented in that way and suddenly the words had profound meaning.  Then I started thinking how much my wife would have loved watching the wedding and how we would have talked about everything that happened.  We were true anglophiles and I can't even watch the British programs on PBS anymore.  There is no one to share them with and they only make me even more aware of her not being here with me.  I've read this will pass.  I'm not holding my breath.

Comment by Nancy on May 19, 2018 at 2:06pm

I feel the very same Morgan.  I had a love affair for 43 years.  We have 3 children who are still devastated but would be completely paralyzed if I did something like you are talking about.  I will bear this pain and remain alone for the sake of my kids and grandkids.  They hurt enough.  Please think things through.  I know exactly how much you hurt.

Comment by morgan on May 19, 2018 at 1:56pm

As much as I wish the new royal couple all the love they deserve, it breaks my own heart......I am now a broken shell of a woman who keeps pushing herself to reconstruct her life and who keeps asking herself how much is this worth.  I don't want to take my own life but it seems in the beginning that idea was a "reaction".  Now it seems I am just becoming more driven.  I am driven to tie up my affairs, driven to distraction, driven to decide how I can physically withstand the stress of living alone.....

I didnt have just a marriage......I had a love affair......I had the passion of living and now I am dead inside......I hope the royal couple are lucky enough to experience the kind of love some of us here have had with our spouses.......infinite, eternal and boundless......

Comment by Linda Engberg on May 11, 2018 at 11:43am

Hi Morgan, Nancy and L. Kasier,

Morgan has stated the same feelings I have, why do we have to stay here and suffer. The following poem seems to help get through life.

God bless you all.

Comment by Nancy on May 11, 2018 at 6:28am

Morgan. Thank you so much for thinking of me yesterday and your words that hit home so much for me and many on here.  You are so right about barely able to breathe at one year.  I told my daughter yesterday was just like every day for me.   When I'm not busy working all I do is replay everything over and over in my mind.  From his diagnosis to losing him was a whirlwind and I don't think any of us have quite gotten over the shock yet.  I'm like a hollow shell or a robot.  You are so right about 43 years...i was 20 when we married and was 64 when he passed.  How on earth do you find a new way to live???  Thank you again Morgan   

 

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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Geraldine Brown commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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