Lost My Spouse...

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Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Nicole Sep 28.

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Comment by Nancy on April 28, 2018 at 8:40am

Thank you Trina.  I appreciate your kind words.  I've had a sister and my little 98 yo mom say things like "you can't hide this by working so much, you have to face it."  Or " it's been a year, you need to move on."   Oh my, that doesn't help.  I know everyone grieves in their own way.   We had 7 months after he was diagnosed and all but the last 2 weeks were spent fighting the disease.  It wasn't until 2 weeks on Hospice that the inevitable was starring me in the face and it was a complete change from the aggressive treatments.  You go from one extreme to the other.  I know for months I was in shock.  You can't even begin to grieve until you process what happened.  I just try to let what my family says roll off my back and continue to do what I am able to survive each day right now.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 28, 2018 at 5:05am

Dear Nancy,

The dreaded first anniversary is coming up soon. I am so very sorry! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers on May 10th. In some ways the first anniversary of death is the hardest. They don't really get easier, but still the first one is the hardest, because like you say, for the first time realization sets in. It's heartbreaking. There's nothing more to say.

Sending you love, Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on April 28, 2018 at 4:59am

Dear morgan,

I am so sorry that you are continuing to have these dark thoughts. Actually, I do too. Everyday, and several times a day, I wish this were my last day, that I were free of this life. But like Nancy and Elynn I either bury myself in my new hobby--painting--or I email or text (don't usually call folks) someone to take my mind off of the unbearable pain. We are in such a quandary, dilemma, predicament--call you what you will--we were given a "life" sentence. Our life sentence is to live out our natural lives without that ONE person who made live meaningful. Now life is so drab, devoid of meaning and purpose. And everyday is painful beyond belief.

I can relate to you only too well: the urge to end it all, to be freed from this sorry existence. But my dear friend, alas, it is not in our hands (short of taking our own lives) how long we live. I, too, have "given" myself 70 years (I am 57 now, so I still have a loooong ways to go). But when I "give" myself the 70 years I can't help but laugh, as I am only too keenly aware that it is not up to me. Very unlikely, but not impossible, that I could die tomorrow in a car accident or of a heart attack, but more likely given my family health history, I will live to be an old lady of 85 or 90. The thought terrifies me and fills me with anger and the sense that this is injustice, but I comfort myself by saying I don't know when my time will come, it can come very soon for all I know. So another day passes, and I have one less day to live.

So dear morgan, immerse yourself in something that keeps your interest, even if for a little while, or reach out to someone you trust when you feel you can't go on anymore. But please know that you have friends on this forum who care and you can always come here and write to us and we will be here. Life is cruel, the universe is cruel, but what can we do about it?

Courage, my friend, and hang in there! Big hugs, Trina

Comment by Nancy on April 27, 2018 at 10:42pm

All I do is work.  I'm exhausted at the end of each day.  The only time I don't think about things is when I'm working.  The rest of the time it is all I think about.  I play things over and over in my head.  It's coming up one year on May 10.  I think it has only really sunk in in the last few weeks.   I have had 0 signs from him and that has made me lose my last ounce of caring about much of anything.  I hear you Morgan.  I so understand.

Comment by Elynn m on April 27, 2018 at 10:22pm

Morgan,  yes. It is very difficult.  Do you have family near you?  Thank God for your neighbor who was kind enough to visit you  in your time of need.   One thing I've learned through this experience is that when I feel angry and depressed and feel like I'm all alone, the best thing I can do is pick up the phone and call someone (or email them)   that I haven' talked to in quite some time.   I don' have too many friends.  Just a lot of aquaintences.    My husband had a ot of friends.  Sometimes I'll call one of his friends and ask how they are doing.  It gets my mind off of myself , at least for a ittle while.  I end up being encouraged.   Or like you did, come here to this sight and talk to us!!!   But talk!!!!   LOL!

Comment by morgan on April 27, 2018 at 9:50pm

I have to figure a way out of this.  I don't know what I can do to expedite my exit but I cannot continue living, feeling this constant gnawing in my mind because I miss him so much.  I just wont do it. I am 66 and I am determined to not live past 70.  I have enough to do to make sure my affairs are in order before then but my brain has now after five years had to accept the real situation and I will not put up with this.   I cannot and will not live feeling such "missingness". I am angry that I have been left behind to have to make do every day in a world I have no desire to live in.  I will make do only so long.  I am making progress getting things organized and in a place so that when I die I wont have left a mess behind but I am pretty well convinced that I am going to have to find a way out because this just will not do.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 9:11am

Hi Joe,

The day when Husband and I got married we became one and will always remain that that read the saying on my tattoo. These are our actual hands taken from our wedding pictures.


Comment by Bruce Armstrong on April 13, 2018 at 8:16am

 Hi Joe I lost my wife 9 Months ago after knowing her from going steady in H S for 60 years and then holding her in my arms while she took her last breath-people do not know the loss you feel I try to get by but still hard to think or plan and please no problems today -nights are lonely from meal time to bed-Try and have a fair day-Bologna and toast for lunch now you don't have to plan

Comment by joe kelly on April 13, 2018 at 7:24am

Morgan,  Thanks for the post.  It's not even 3 months since I lost my wonderful wife and I decided that I'm not interested in "getting better".  That's what those who say they want to help want me to do.  I have a few friends that understand, one of which lost his wife 8 months ago.  He feels the same way and says that most of the people wanting to fix us never had TRUE LOVE with someone for most of their lives.  One therapist I saw because he lost his wife a couple of years ago.  Well, he has a girl friend already and says that his wife would had wanted him to have a happy full life.  My love gave me a full happy life and when she died, so did I because "We Two BECAME One".  I don't want to "be fixed".  I just want to join her.  I'll function the best I can but she's on my mine 24/7 and the pain will always be there till I join her.  I hope sooner rather than later.  Thanks to all who share here.

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 6:44am


All that you shared in your post, is exactly the way I feel, if it wasn't for my beautiful dog Babie J I think I would go crazy, she is the only thing keeping me going, she is 13 and not in good health. When she passes I really believe I will go mad. Even though I have her I go through this world like a zombie. 


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Billy Jo Colt commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
"Hi Pamela, I can understand your situation as you aretorn between two worlds. Your daughter in her own way is trying to help you with your grieving process. She thinks that her way is the only way through your grief. It is also a confrontation you…"
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Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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9 hours ago
morgan commented on Pamela philipp's blog post I need advice
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10 hours ago
Virginia G posted a discussion

What’s the point

Whats the point of living if there’s no happiness?  If you don’t care about anything except being with the person you lost...if everything is meaningless...if you can’t stand the pain or the numbness...if you don’t belong anywhere..if everything feels wrong...if you have no idea what to do about it...if you can’t get through the daySee More
11 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There’s no joy without her and I wouldn’t want any. its the only answer"
11 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

I need advice

I have been very stressed and upset my daughter came back to my house for a while until she and her family gets on their feet which is not the problem the problem is she has made me get all the things that are important to me out of the house and put in the garage pictures mementos etc. because she thinks that I need to move on she said because it has been three years and she does not understand how she is upsetting me I don't want to be in this house like this anymore how do I make her…See More
15 hours ago
Denise Lavoie left a comment for Pamela philipp
"Hi everyone Scotishbrat here. We had our 1st snowfall Thursday. If Ron was here we would be out making a snowman laughing and throwing snowballs at each other.We did everything together.When he passedl felt so lost I still do its like half of me is…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Joe & Bluebird, Thanks for sharing you thoughts mine are exactly the same. I hate that I have to go on in this world. I have friends that our dying of cancer, I would trade places with them if I could. To endure my feelings I drink at least 6…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Virginia, you so often end your posts with something ominous. You are trying to say something and it is coming across loud and clear. Don't wish yourself dead. Try to live while you're alive. Find joy where you can. Never give up."
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Some songs have popped into my head for no reason but that are appropriate.  I don’t even listen to the radio anymore so it’s not like I heard them recently.  I wasn’t trying to think of songs either.  First it was I…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I love the Doors. Jim Morrison is just the coolest. And I love that song. It's about feeling alone in a crowd. I can relate. Virginia, why would God tell you that you deserve to be alone? I think it is quite the opposite. You are telling…"
Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am realizing the only people that truly love me are my family. So how am I expected to live without them?"
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"I agree, that is a big step. You should be proud of yourself for being able to take that step. ((((Hugs))))"
Fran left a comment for Denise Lavoie
"Hello Scottishbrat. I just passed the 4 year mark of losing my husband. With him I felt complete. Now I just seem to be in limbo. I don't remember what  hobbies I used to enjoy. My life had been taking care of him and the 2 wonderful…"
Denise Lavoie commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi my name is scotishbrat this will be my 3rd holiday season with out my love.It is so hard to do anything.l have crying spells that are so intense it feels like l am going to die.Once l stary it could go on for hours and then l feel completely…"
Kristen Harlow replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"Such a good question. No, probably not. I've finally come to the place where I have accepted that I have to accept it's over. That feels like a big step."
bluebird replied to Kristen Harlow's discussion Feeling alone
"That is a lot of shit to deal with, all at once. It's good your sister is ok now.  If the man who you feel is your best friend and the love of your life were to come back now, do you think you would be ready to be with him now?"
bluebird commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"morgan, As usual, I identify so much with your post.  As you said, by burying our soulmates we buried ourselves. Why can't people understand that? If I had a child with my husband, I would feel some pull to live for that child. I felt that…"

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