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Lost My Spouse...

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The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Bruce Armstrong on April 13, 2018 at 8:16am

 Hi Joe I lost my wife 9 Months ago after knowing her from going steady in H S for 60 years and then holding her in my arms while she took her last breath-people do not know the loss you feel I try to get by but still hard to think or plan and please no problems today -nights are lonely from meal time to bed-Try and have a fair day-Bologna and toast for lunch now you don't have to plan

Comment by joe kelly on April 13, 2018 at 7:24am

Morgan,  Thanks for the post.  It's not even 3 months since I lost my wonderful wife and I decided that I'm not interested in "getting better".  That's what those who say they want to help want me to do.  I have a few friends that understand, one of which lost his wife 8 months ago.  He feels the same way and says that most of the people wanting to fix us never had TRUE LOVE with someone for most of their lives.  One therapist I saw because he lost his wife a couple of years ago.  Well, he has a girl friend already and says that his wife would had wanted him to have a happy full life.  My love gave me a full happy life and when she died, so did I because "We Two BECAME One".  I don't want to "be fixed".  I just want to join her.  I'll function the best I can but she's on my mine 24/7 and the pain will always be there till I join her.  I hope sooner rather than later.  Thanks to all who share here.

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 6:44am

Morgan,

All that you shared in your post, is exactly the way I feel, if it wasn't for my beautiful dog Babie J I think I would go crazy, she is the only thing keeping me going, she is 13 and not in good health. When she passes I really believe I will go mad. Even though I have her I go through this world like a zombie. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on April 13, 2018 at 3:25am

morgan, I am with you. It feels so unimaginably bad... it IS unimaginably bad, this ultimate loss we are suffering, living with. Who would want to go on under these circumstances that we are experiencing? Some people don’t feel as bad. Everyone’s grief is different — that is said so often, but many seem to forget this, apparently thinking if they are OK again after bereavement, we can all be OK. Sending you a big hug (and clinging on even if you try to fight me off), Alice x

bluebird, thank you so much for the reassurance :-)

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2018 at 1:37am

For most of the five plus years I have been enduring the loss of my beloved husband I have tried very hard to see if there was a way to make the pain I cope with "better".  Keeping myself super busy, finally getting up some courage to join a group of interest, keep trying to explain to people close to me how I try to cope, etc etc.  

Now I am angry.  It is a different kind of angry but I'll try to explain.  Because I think I have tried so hard to not give up/give in I have battled the grief I continually thought I was going to find a reason, a way where life would seem less miserable.  

Today I just have given up trying to pretend there is something that is going to help me and all I am is pissed that I am breathing.  I am so angry that because I am breathing I am being forced to participate in a world that I hate.  I have no need for any of this and I get to the point where I talk to the air and tell my husband how pissed I am that he left me back here to have to keep getting through days.  Not because I cant because after five plus years I have proven that I can but because every single day of this grueling task of living I have no desire to be here.  No desire at all.  It doesn't matter what I do.  How things are.  Inevitably during each and every day I am mad that I am being forced to live out this life.  

I continue to attempt to do the things necessary to pay bills and even that, I have decided that I will continue but if I run out of money before I can get something done that I am working on I am just going to throw in the towel.  I don't give a shit anymore.  And when I cry some of he breakdowns are just the worst.  Two days ago I had such a bad one that had my neighbor friend not come by (yes, she called as though my husband had sent her a message that she should call to see what I was doing) I was really in a very bad place.  She talked me through it and I was totally exhausted.  Then the next day I can only wonder to myself how I can go that far down when the next day I am able to get up and at least start on another day.  Whats with this brain?

I read and listen to each of you and hear some here are better able to define how to deal with their grief but most of us I see as flailing around with no answers and wondering what next and how to.  

I am tired and once again it is almost 3am and what do I care?  Why bother with a decent sleep schedule?  Why bother eating well?  Why worry about getting a disease?  I'm so over it all.  Just tired of having to breathe.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:55pm

Marjorie, i will look into this for sure. Thank you.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:53pm

Linda, i understand. Because of our son i work in keeping myself together. My friends don't really understand me. Really don't find anything anymore that makes me feel good. Just like to be left alone. Gid Bless you!

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 12, 2018 at 4:18pm

Hi Beth

I lost my husband 5 years ago to cancer, he had children but we did not so I don't know if my answer is valid to your situation. As for myself, this grieve will never end. It is less painful but my life is not fulfilled, all I live for is join him. 

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on April 12, 2018 at 12:04pm

Beth did you read my message about the online grief relief programme I've just completed with Denise Dielwart? Just google her name. she offers a free telephone call to start you off.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 10:35am

Been really down past few days. Lost my husband Niv.2015. Realized not getting better. Oh i put on a brave front to outside that i am moving on. No! Stay in alot, cry realize life really stopped day i told the love of my life goodbye. Just am an empty shell. I try when my son visits to be ok. He has had a hard time losing his dad. He is the only one. No groups around to join here. So guess maybe each day i will somday start to go ahead with life. Right now really don't see it or feel it. Just lonley and getting more so i think. When will it get bettet? Maybe never for me.

 

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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
40 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
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M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
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Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
17 hours ago
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
18 hours ago
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
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yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
yesterday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
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Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
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Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks everyone. I was upset that we couldn't share our posts, now I am fine. Thanks"
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Gotta go will post soon. "
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I think thats what she meant anyway."
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joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"she posted an answer in Blog.  We're ok as long as we don't check that box and sign into twitter.  Only those who do have their posts appear there."
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Monty commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"did  a quick search for  "No Idea Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and Twitter. I didn't find anything maybe that it has the ability to share via twitter. and may not be shared by default. maybe we should try and contact the…"
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morgan commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I just sent a message to the admin/owner of the site......I'lll let you know the response."
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