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Lost My Spouse...

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FAILING 8 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Alison J Aug 27.

Rejoining the rest of the world 3 Replies

I am getting ready to return to work for the first time since the death of John. I know I have to go on living for now. I have reflected on my spiritual beliefs. I have to believe that John is indeed…Continue

Started by Cristal. Last reply by Monty Aug 12.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

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Comment by morgan on April 27, 2018 at 9:50pm

I have to figure a way out of this.  I don't know what I can do to expedite my exit but I cannot continue living, feeling this constant gnawing in my mind because I miss him so much.  I just wont do it. I am 66 and I am determined to not live past 70.  I have enough to do to make sure my affairs are in order before then but my brain has now after five years had to accept the real situation and I will not put up with this.   I cannot and will not live feeling such "missingness". I am angry that I have been left behind to have to make do every day in a world I have no desire to live in.  I will make do only so long.  I am making progress getting things organized and in a place so that when I die I wont have left a mess behind but I am pretty well convinced that I am going to have to find a way out because this just will not do.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 9:11am

Hi Joe,

The day when Husband and I got married we became one and will always remain that that read the saying on my tattoo. These are our actual hands taken from our wedding pictures.

 

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on April 13, 2018 at 8:16am

 Hi Joe I lost my wife 9 Months ago after knowing her from going steady in H S for 60 years and then holding her in my arms while she took her last breath-people do not know the loss you feel I try to get by but still hard to think or plan and please no problems today -nights are lonely from meal time to bed-Try and have a fair day-Bologna and toast for lunch now you don't have to plan

Comment by joe kelly on April 13, 2018 at 7:24am

Morgan,  Thanks for the post.  It's not even 3 months since I lost my wonderful wife and I decided that I'm not interested in "getting better".  That's what those who say they want to help want me to do.  I have a few friends that understand, one of which lost his wife 8 months ago.  He feels the same way and says that most of the people wanting to fix us never had TRUE LOVE with someone for most of their lives.  One therapist I saw because he lost his wife a couple of years ago.  Well, he has a girl friend already and says that his wife would had wanted him to have a happy full life.  My love gave me a full happy life and when she died, so did I because "We Two BECAME One".  I don't want to "be fixed".  I just want to join her.  I'll function the best I can but she's on my mine 24/7 and the pain will always be there till I join her.  I hope sooner rather than later.  Thanks to all who share here.

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 6:44am

Morgan,

All that you shared in your post, is exactly the way I feel, if it wasn't for my beautiful dog Babie J I think I would go crazy, she is the only thing keeping me going, she is 13 and not in good health. When she passes I really believe I will go mad. Even though I have her I go through this world like a zombie. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on April 13, 2018 at 3:25am

morgan, I am with you. It feels so unimaginably bad... it IS unimaginably bad, this ultimate loss we are suffering, living with. Who would want to go on under these circumstances that we are experiencing? Some people don’t feel as bad. Everyone’s grief is different — that is said so often, but many seem to forget this, apparently thinking if they are OK again after bereavement, we can all be OK. Sending you a big hug (and clinging on even if you try to fight me off), Alice x

bluebird, thank you so much for the reassurance :-)

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2018 at 1:37am

For most of the five plus years I have been enduring the loss of my beloved husband I have tried very hard to see if there was a way to make the pain I cope with "better".  Keeping myself super busy, finally getting up some courage to join a group of interest, keep trying to explain to people close to me how I try to cope, etc etc.  

Now I am angry.  It is a different kind of angry but I'll try to explain.  Because I think I have tried so hard to not give up/give in I have battled the grief I continually thought I was going to find a reason, a way where life would seem less miserable.  

Today I just have given up trying to pretend there is something that is going to help me and all I am is pissed that I am breathing.  I am so angry that because I am breathing I am being forced to participate in a world that I hate.  I have no need for any of this and I get to the point where I talk to the air and tell my husband how pissed I am that he left me back here to have to keep getting through days.  Not because I cant because after five plus years I have proven that I can but because every single day of this grueling task of living I have no desire to be here.  No desire at all.  It doesn't matter what I do.  How things are.  Inevitably during each and every day I am mad that I am being forced to live out this life.  

I continue to attempt to do the things necessary to pay bills and even that, I have decided that I will continue but if I run out of money before I can get something done that I am working on I am just going to throw in the towel.  I don't give a shit anymore.  And when I cry some of he breakdowns are just the worst.  Two days ago I had such a bad one that had my neighbor friend not come by (yes, she called as though my husband had sent her a message that she should call to see what I was doing) I was really in a very bad place.  She talked me through it and I was totally exhausted.  Then the next day I can only wonder to myself how I can go that far down when the next day I am able to get up and at least start on another day.  Whats with this brain?

I read and listen to each of you and hear some here are better able to define how to deal with their grief but most of us I see as flailing around with no answers and wondering what next and how to.  

I am tired and once again it is almost 3am and what do I care?  Why bother with a decent sleep schedule?  Why bother eating well?  Why worry about getting a disease?  I'm so over it all.  Just tired of having to breathe.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:55pm

Marjorie, i will look into this for sure. Thank you.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:53pm

Linda, i understand. Because of our son i work in keeping myself together. My friends don't really understand me. Really don't find anything anymore that makes me feel good. Just like to be left alone. Gid Bless you!

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 12, 2018 at 4:18pm

Hi Beth

I lost my husband 5 years ago to cancer, he had children but we did not so I don't know if my answer is valid to your situation. As for myself, this grieve will never end. It is less painful but my life is not fulfilled, all I live for is join him. 

 

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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Linda Engberg commented on Katherine Ellis's group Losing Someone to Cancer
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"I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self…"
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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.See More
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Layla Richards replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
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Ofir Rifo replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"ANA BECOAH BY ovadia chamama. Miracle prayer even for those who do not believe in anything. It will act as a password and will open the universe who will answer your petition. Please bluebird just try the same way a tried and it worked. Remember you…"
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"Bluebird please go to you tube in listen to a song called Ana Becoh by Ovadiada Chamama. This song will act as a password to the universe. You do not need to believe in any religion but It worked for me and I am an agnostic. I lost my husband 21…"
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