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Lost My Spouse...

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loost my spouce 3 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by Linda Engberg yesterday.

loost my spouce

This aloneness is not going to be fun.  It is so lonely without him.Continue

Started by kathy on Tuesday.

Healing 16 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Vicki on Monday.

In agony 12 Replies

I lost my wife 6 weeks ago and I'm in agony every day.  We've been together for 51 years, married for 48.  Met at age 16.  We were like one person.  We knew everything about each other.  No secrets,…Continue

Started by joe kelly. Last reply by Trevy Thomas Apr 9.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 9:11am

Hi Joe,

The day when Husband and I got married we became one and will always remain that that read the saying on my tattoo. These are our actual hands taken from our wedding pictures.

 

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on April 13, 2018 at 8:16am

 Hi Joe I lost my wife 9 Months ago after knowing her from going steady in H S for 60 years and then holding her in my arms while she took her last breath-people do not know the loss you feel I try to get by but still hard to think or plan and please no problems today -nights are lonely from meal time to bed-Try and have a fair day-Bologna and toast for lunch now you don't have to plan

Comment by joe kelly on April 13, 2018 at 7:24am

Morgan,  Thanks for the post.  It's not even 3 months since I lost my wonderful wife and I decided that I'm not interested in "getting better".  That's what those who say they want to help want me to do.  I have a few friends that understand, one of which lost his wife 8 months ago.  He feels the same way and says that most of the people wanting to fix us never had TRUE LOVE with someone for most of their lives.  One therapist I saw because he lost his wife a couple of years ago.  Well, he has a girl friend already and says that his wife would had wanted him to have a happy full life.  My love gave me a full happy life and when she died, so did I because "We Two BECAME One".  I don't want to "be fixed".  I just want to join her.  I'll function the best I can but she's on my mine 24/7 and the pain will always be there till I join her.  I hope sooner rather than later.  Thanks to all who share here.

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 13, 2018 at 6:44am

Morgan,

All that you shared in your post, is exactly the way I feel, if it wasn't for my beautiful dog Babie J I think I would go crazy, she is the only thing keeping me going, she is 13 and not in good health. When she passes I really believe I will go mad. Even though I have her I go through this world like a zombie. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on April 13, 2018 at 3:25am

morgan, I am with you. It feels so unimaginably bad... it IS unimaginably bad, this ultimate loss we are suffering, living with. Who would want to go on under these circumstances that we are experiencing? Some people don’t feel as bad. Everyone’s grief is different — that is said so often, but many seem to forget this, apparently thinking if they are OK again after bereavement, we can all be OK. Sending you a big hug (and clinging on even if you try to fight me off), Alice x

bluebird, thank you so much for the reassurance :-)

Comment by morgan on April 13, 2018 at 1:37am

For most of the five plus years I have been enduring the loss of my beloved husband I have tried very hard to see if there was a way to make the pain I cope with "better".  Keeping myself super busy, finally getting up some courage to join a group of interest, keep trying to explain to people close to me how I try to cope, etc etc.  

Now I am angry.  It is a different kind of angry but I'll try to explain.  Because I think I have tried so hard to not give up/give in I have battled the grief I continually thought I was going to find a reason, a way where life would seem less miserable.  

Today I just have given up trying to pretend there is something that is going to help me and all I am is pissed that I am breathing.  I am so angry that because I am breathing I am being forced to participate in a world that I hate.  I have no need for any of this and I get to the point where I talk to the air and tell my husband how pissed I am that he left me back here to have to keep getting through days.  Not because I cant because after five plus years I have proven that I can but because every single day of this grueling task of living I have no desire to be here.  No desire at all.  It doesn't matter what I do.  How things are.  Inevitably during each and every day I am mad that I am being forced to live out this life.  

I continue to attempt to do the things necessary to pay bills and even that, I have decided that I will continue but if I run out of money before I can get something done that I am working on I am just going to throw in the towel.  I don't give a shit anymore.  And when I cry some of he breakdowns are just the worst.  Two days ago I had such a bad one that had my neighbor friend not come by (yes, she called as though my husband had sent her a message that she should call to see what I was doing) I was really in a very bad place.  She talked me through it and I was totally exhausted.  Then the next day I can only wonder to myself how I can go that far down when the next day I am able to get up and at least start on another day.  Whats with this brain?

I read and listen to each of you and hear some here are better able to define how to deal with their grief but most of us I see as flailing around with no answers and wondering what next and how to.  

I am tired and once again it is almost 3am and what do I care?  Why bother with a decent sleep schedule?  Why bother eating well?  Why worry about getting a disease?  I'm so over it all.  Just tired of having to breathe.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:55pm

Marjorie, i will look into this for sure. Thank you.

Comment by Beth Swansboro on April 12, 2018 at 7:53pm

Linda, i understand. Because of our son i work in keeping myself together. My friends don't really understand me. Really don't find anything anymore that makes me feel good. Just like to be left alone. Gid Bless you!

Comment by Linda Engberg on April 12, 2018 at 4:18pm

Hi Beth

I lost my husband 5 years ago to cancer, he had children but we did not so I don't know if my answer is valid to your situation. As for myself, this grieve will never end. It is less painful but my life is not fulfilled, all I live for is join him. 

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on April 12, 2018 at 12:04pm

Beth did you read my message about the online grief relief programme I've just completed with Denise Dielwart? Just google her name. she offers a free telephone call to start you off.

 

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Virginia G commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Morgan, i know you said you don’t like meds, but maybe one of the natural supplements for anxiety could lessen the meltdowns?  Just a suggestion.  I’m the opposite, don’t know why I’m not having constant breakdowns,…"
3 hours ago
Virginia G left a comment for morgan
"Morgan, thanks for the comment on my blog.  I read a few of your posts and I have the same desire to get out of here as soon as possible.  I’m only 47 and there’s no way I can wait until I’m old.  I’m afraid if…"
3 hours ago
Brett Bowman and Virginia G are now friends
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Brett Bowman commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Virginia, while I don't know you, I don know this... your mom knew that you loved/love her. And there is a cold reality in all of this. No matter how hard I tried, my mom still died. There was no stopping it. It was like trying to hold back a…"
5 hours ago
Virginia G commented on Brett Bowman's blog post How Far is Heaven?
"Oatmeal, As I read your blog, I cried and cried.  It’s all too familiar and all too heartbreaking.  My Mom and I did everything together.  I always lived with both parents, but my Dad was always the quiet type that liked to do…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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6 hours ago
morgan commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Virginia, We ask ourselves alot of questions when we suffer such a great loss as a loved one.  All of your questions I have asked myself over and over as I have tried to live beyond the loss of my husband.  I've not answered them…"
8 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is so hard. My sister whose husband passed away April 9th 2018 does not want to see me right now because I remind her of Mom's passing a year ago Feb 14th. She does not do it to be mean or hurtful. She is just too full of grief for her…"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Sorry for the typos"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal. You have to do those things in memory of your mom should would want  you to do it I truly believe that I’m not saying that I don’t cry every day because I do I get in bed at night I cry when I’m sitting home alone I…"
12 hours ago
Crystal K commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"In 3 months, it will be a year since my mom passed away. It feels like it was yesterday. I know I asked this before but when does it get easier to do activities that you and your mother did together? I cant bring myself to do anything that reminds…"
12 hours ago
Alice Thompson commented on Virginia G's blog post Post traumatic stress disorder
"Hello Virginia, I’m so sorry you are going through this hell. PTSD has been part of my grieving process too. I think that when we lose someone who is absolutely essential to us, our brains don’t have the ability to adjust to the changed…"
16 hours ago
Virginia G posted a blog post

Post traumatic stress disorder

I am experiencing post traumatic stress disorder.  Some days I cry a lot, others not much.  I get upset when I don’t cry.  I feel as if I should be crying all day every day because the thing I feared the most my whole life happened.  How have I not had ten heart attacks by now?  Some days I have bad flashbacks of the hospital.  Other days I feel like I can’t process what happened.  Is my mind blocking what happened to protect me from the pain?  Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind.  Am I…See More
23 hours ago
Marlene Kublin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Ginger posted a blog post

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on…

Today is 2 months since I lost my only daughter to cancer and to me being reminded in some way  of what used to be is a hard one for me. She was my best friend, we talked quite often and I visited on occasion. When friends talk about their adult daughters it brings to light the realization that I once had that and I don't anymore and the tears come. I guess when I'm not reminded,I want to still think she is here,only a phone call away. Already many things have changed, we used to talk on the…See More
yesterday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The group I belong to is "Still Mourn Husband after 5 Years" they also have other groups or you can start your own. Linda"
yesterday
lorraine knight posted a discussion

Grief that hits you at odd moments

While grocery shopping I noted a man sitting waiting for his wife as I surmised, my husband used to do wait patiently for me. It hit me hard that I no longer had anyone waiting for me.  So alone after 36 years.......See More
yesterday
AnneJ. commented on morgan's blog post How long can I last?
"Ah, Morgan. And Bluebird and Linda and Mel and Alice and all you others who let me walk with you from cave to cave during these dreadful years of an examined life. I'm so tired I can't even write lately; our old friends, where are they...…"
Wednesday
kathy replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"The discussion groups, are they on this web site?"
Tuesday
Linda Engberg replied to kathy's discussion loost my spouce in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Kathy, The best online support group I found is "Grief Healing Discussion Groups", my Husband has been gone 5 years and everyday is still hell, this site you on now did not help.  Linda  "
Tuesday

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