Lost My Spouse...

Members: 346
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Discussion Forum

Has Not Happened 5 Replies

Hi, everyone,I have been going to a grief group since I felt I needed some direction to "get a life".The leader is a great guy and has some wisdom that for the moment I consider.  He told us that it…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by Sharon Stolp on Tuesday.

In agony 10 Replies

I lost my wife 6 weeks ago and I'm in agony every day.  We've been together for 51 years, married for 48.  Met at age 16.  We were like one person.  We knew everything about each other.  No secrets,…Continue

Started by joe kelly. Last reply by joe kelly on Monday.

Lost my wife 4 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Kyle McKay Feb 15.

Two loves die - Sudden Death worse for griever 3 Replies

7 wksago my live together 10 yrs love collapsed dead in one minute sudden cardiac.I cannot deal with the unfinished business I was working on with him who I love so eyes hurt so much from…Continue

Tags: endings, different, die, loves, Two

Started by CH. Last reply by Marjorie Willcox Feb 6.

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Comment by Marjorie Willcox on March 16, 2018 at 10:07am

I feel the same way. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 16, 2018 at 6:32am

Lost without him,

Thank you, I only stay on this earth because I have no choice. I just pray for God to take me.

Comment by Lost with out him on March 15, 2018 at 9:25pm

Love this Picture Linda! Yes you are still married forever and ever. I feel exactly the same way! Happy Anniversary ❤️❤️❤️

Comment by Lost with out him on March 15, 2018 at 9:19pm

My friends you are the only people that understand. I too am broken, ir's been 13 months of HELL on earth. Going through the motions.. Wish I were dead truly. I have tried to " live" without him,but I can't. I also will be alone until the day I join him. As I have said before I feel like the walking dead. He was my world❤️

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 14, 2018 at 7:04am

Today is mine and Julian's 37th anniversary, 3/14/81, even though he is heaven and I am living in hell, we are still married, just in different places.

Comment by Alice Thompson on March 13, 2018 at 4:56pm

Thanks to you too, JenShep. It does me so much good to be able to tell someone who knows what I am talking about. My continuing relationship with him is the most real part of my life now, and while I do mention it to some people, mostly I let them believe I mean it in a kind of metaphorical way, not that he’s actually right beside me touching me. I tell my children about it, but who knows what they really believe? Your experiences are beautiful. With love, Alice

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:52pm


Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have someone to run to the grocery store for us to pick up the one thing we need for dinner. I see my neighbors out taking a walk together and I no longer have anyone to take a walk with. We don't have our spouse to spend holidays with. To go out to dinner with. To complain about work or family to. To cry to. When the kitchen sink leaks all over the floor, we have to handle it ourselves all while completely falling apart. We have to carry all the heavy stuff by ourselves. We are the odd ones out among all of the married couples - which highlights our loss and our difference. We don't have that one person who always has our back anymore. It is 100% life altering in every aspect. I find it difficult when parents who have lost adult children compare with me. My great aunt lost her daughter at age 21 and her husband late in life and said that there was nothing harder than losing her husband. It sucks. 

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:41pm

Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago. (This was a couple of days after I tried a Reiki session to help open my mind to communicating with him. I'm definitely going to try that again!) I have actually felt him climb in bed and wrap himself around me. I've had signs that just have no other explanation. But, I can always talk myself out of them. Or when I go through a period where I get nothing from him, I lose my faith. Just hearing that you are certain, really meant so much to me and helps a lot. I wanted to thank you for that. I love that you feel his participation in your continuing relationship - that is the way I think of my relationship with Tom. Next Tuesday is our wedding anniversary and I feel that I'm still married to him and that he's here with me as much as he can be. I absolutely feel that we are still in this relationship together. I always want more though. Like you, everything is so much better when I have a "visit" or feeling or sign and then when a lot of time goes by without one I fall again to my depths. 

I also appreciate your feeling that there's a lot you can do for your children with this "shell of a life." I feel the same way - about my friends, my clients at work, my mom. I just keep sticking around, thinking about the joyous day when I get to join Tom but hoping to do some good while I'm stuck here. 

Anyway, thank you for that little boost. Whenever I think of your words, my spirits lift a bit :)

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 12, 2018 at 6:48am


Wow, I love your post, that is me to a "T" on March 14 it would have been our 37th wedding anniversary, I wish I could join him in heaven everyday of my life. 

Comment by bluebird on March 11, 2018 at 2:27pm

Too fucking right, Nancy.

And for me, at least, it stays that way, all of it.

I wish "widow brain" were as well-known by the general public as "pregnancy brain". 


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Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
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Sharon Stolp replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hello Maxie, Sharon here. I wasn't blessed with 55 years with my love, we had 46 years together, married at 18 years old. It is 2 years out for me and I miss him so much. I am still going through the days of not getting dressed, not going…"
Libbie H posted a status
"What are you up to?"
Libbie H posted a status
"My Life stopped the day JESUS took you home. I've tried to find joy. Happy 35th anniversary honey! Third one without you. Heartbroken!"
Billy Jo Colt commented on Ginger's blog post Can't let go
"Hi Ginger, your loss is so natural. Why should you let go? Don't let go. Keep your memories forever of her. You will never forget her no matter what happens. You are embarking on a journey of many emotions. Most come to terms with their loss.…"
Maxey replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Thanks, Joe.  I appreciate you describing your experience during your accident.  It gives me hope that there really is something after this life.  My greatest hope which keeps me going and half way sane is that we will be joined again…"
Alice Thompson replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, Thanks for your honesty, and I feel the same. Personally, I hate it when people say it is our choice, to look forwards or back, etc, partly because that sounds like they are blaming the bereaved for feeling sad and missing their loves, and…"
Marjorie Willcox replied to Maxey's discussion Has Not Happened in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Dear Maxey, How I feel for you and can empathise so much.I ask myself that question How can we have been loved & cherished all those years and then be expected to move on within our lives. I too read inspirational stuff & have a psychiatric…"
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Maxey, You don't need to shape up Maxey, because I know I never will."

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