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Lost My Spouse...

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FAILING 2 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Monty yesterday.

My wife passed 5 days before christmas 7 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by Monty. Last reply by Monty Jul 8.

loost my spouce 4 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by ET May 28.

Healing 18 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Geraldine Brown May 28.

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Comment by Lost with out him on March 15, 2018 at 9:19pm

My friends you are the only people that understand. I too am broken, ir's been 13 months of HELL on earth. Going through the motions.. Wish I were dead truly. I have tried to " live" without him,but I can't. I also will be alone until the day I join him. As I have said before I feel like the walking dead. He was my world❤️

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 14, 2018 at 7:04am

Today is mine and Julian's 37th anniversary, 3/14/81, even though he is heaven and I am living in hell, we are still married, just in different places.

Comment by Alice Thompson on March 13, 2018 at 4:56pm

Thanks to you too, JenShep. It does me so much good to be able to tell someone who knows what I am talking about. My continuing relationship with him is the most real part of my life now, and while I do mention it to some people, mostly I let them believe I mean it in a kind of metaphorical way, not that he’s actually right beside me touching me. I tell my children about it, but who knows what they really believe? Your experiences are beautiful. With love, Alice

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:52pm

Nancy,

Yup, yup, yup. I know I shouldn't compare with other people's losses but I do think this is the worst. We lose our biggest love and we lose in all parts of life too. We eat dinner alone. We go to bed alone. We don't have someone to run to the grocery store for us to pick up the one thing we need for dinner. I see my neighbors out taking a walk together and I no longer have anyone to take a walk with. We don't have our spouse to spend holidays with. To go out to dinner with. To complain about work or family to. To cry to. When the kitchen sink leaks all over the floor, we have to handle it ourselves all while completely falling apart. We have to carry all the heavy stuff by ourselves. We are the odd ones out among all of the married couples - which highlights our loss and our difference. We don't have that one person who always has our back anymore. It is 100% life altering in every aspect. I find it difficult when parents who have lost adult children compare with me. My great aunt lost her daughter at age 21 and her husband late in life and said that there was nothing harder than losing her husband. It sucks. 

Comment by JenShep on March 13, 2018 at 12:41pm

Alice, Thank you so much. Your comment did a lot for me - it made me feel really good!  I've had so many times where I'm convinced that Tom is with me. I heard his voice for the first time in a year and a half just a few weeks ago. (This was a couple of days after I tried a Reiki session to help open my mind to communicating with him. I'm definitely going to try that again!) I have actually felt him climb in bed and wrap himself around me. I've had signs that just have no other explanation. But, I can always talk myself out of them. Or when I go through a period where I get nothing from him, I lose my faith. Just hearing that you are certain, really meant so much to me and helps a lot. I wanted to thank you for that. I love that you feel his participation in your continuing relationship - that is the way I think of my relationship with Tom. Next Tuesday is our wedding anniversary and I feel that I'm still married to him and that he's here with me as much as he can be. I absolutely feel that we are still in this relationship together. I always want more though. Like you, everything is so much better when I have a "visit" or feeling or sign and then when a lot of time goes by without one I fall again to my depths. 

I also appreciate your feeling that there's a lot you can do for your children with this "shell of a life." I feel the same way - about my friends, my clients at work, my mom. I just keep sticking around, thinking about the joyous day when I get to join Tom but hoping to do some good while I'm stuck here. 

Anyway, thank you for that little boost. Whenever I think of your words, my spirits lift a bit :)

Comment by Linda Engberg on March 12, 2018 at 6:48am

Nancy,

Wow, I love your post, that is me to a "T" on March 14 it would have been our 37th wedding anniversary, I wish I could join him in heaven everyday of my life. 

Comment by bluebird on March 11, 2018 at 2:27pm

Too fucking right, Nancy.

And for me, at least, it stays that way, all of it.

I wish "widow brain" were as well-known by the general public as "pregnancy brain". 

Comment by Nancy on March 11, 2018 at 12:27pm

Comment by Alice Thompson on March 9, 2018 at 12:53pm

Hello JenShep, I feel a similar way. Even though I don’t want to go on with life, I am clear now that taking the fatal step would devastate my adult children. That loss would do them more harm than my big loss has done or can do to me — at this mid-life stage. I would go through fire before hurting them. And there’s a lot I can do with this shell of a life to be of use to them. So here I will remain until I am taken home to my love. But I do communicate with him, here and now, and he communicates with me. I have been absolutely certain of this for quite some time now, though in the early days — and in fact for a long time after his death — I sometimes thought it was an illusion. The physical form of it is a localised glow of warmth in my tissues. It is not random in its timing, and it cannot be made to happen by my conscious will. Looking back, I have felt this form of spiritual connection before, for example at my mother’s funeral after returning to my seat having delivered a tribute to her. I feel extremely lucky to perceive this active participation from him in our continuing relationship. Beyond lucky. I know for sure he’s here and he knows how things are for me. Through my experience, I now know humans can continue to exist after they die. I am also coming to believe some things about the nature of the separation of death. One is that though communication is possible, it is limited. I don’t know what these limits are, but I have some ideas. I feel blissful when we are actively communicating — as if I have found myself in heaven — but lost and grieving a lot of the rest of the time. I hope your communication with your love develops, thrives and nourishes you.

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on March 9, 2018 at 12:09pm

Morgan I hear you and feel the same about my relationship with my husband. I am cut adrift from the intertwing of our souls and live with such deep pain I cannot cry I wish I could

 

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This group is for adults who have lost both parents and are struggling with coming to terms with this impact, which is harder then you realize till it happens to you.
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