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Lost My Spouse...

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My wife passed 5 days before christmas 2 Replies

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the…Continue

Started by monty thompson. Last reply by morgan 13 hours ago.

Books 2 Replies

Hello, everyone.I'm reading a book now that is popular, and I wonder what other grievers thought about it. It's called "Wave" and is about the true story of a woman who lost her husband, children,…Continue

Tags: Books

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Trevy Thomas May 11.

Healing 17 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by bluebird Apr 29.

loost my spouce 3 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by Linda Engberg Apr 18.

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Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 3:55pm

Marjorie I  understand what you mean that you are living for your children.  I have 4 daughters and 4 grandchildren but I also feel as if I can not live the rest of my life without Peter.  We were together for 51 years and I feel as if we were cheated because he battled cancer, kidney and lung, for 10 years.  He came out of everyone clean from cancer and died because he was too weak to fight the pneumonia.  

Comment by Marjorie Willcox on January 22, 2018 at 7:38am

Rose I'm retired and face the rest of my life alone without my husband and have 3 grown up boys I have to live for but I just feel I can't do it.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 22, 2018 at 6:48am

Thank you Linda.   I am so lost without him.  I still work full time but it is taking every bone in my body to get out of bed and get going.  At home I am paralyzed.  It takes me days to do the simple things like changing my bed linens or emptying the dishwasher.  I do have a strong support system at home and knew I needed something more. That is why I searched out this group.  Thank you for welcoming me. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on January 22, 2018 at 6:40am

Welcome Rose,

I am very sorry for your loss, it has been 5 years for me and not a day goes by that I don't miss him. He was my whole life, all I do now is try to carry on the best way I know how, but my heart will never heal.

Comment by Bruce Armstrong on January 20, 2018 at 8:58pm

Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7 months-I count my better time in hours not in days yet it is a long road so lonely take care of yourself and your not alone with this hurt

Comment by Nancy on January 20, 2018 at 8:20pm

Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow.

Comment by Rose C Gianopoulos on January 20, 2018 at 7:49pm

Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.  

We were married for 50 years and Peter died 21 days after our 50th Anniversary Celebration.  I am lost without him and I am reaching out.  

Comment by Elynn m on January 12, 2018 at 6:13pm

Jennifer,

I'm so sorry.  Your husband was so young.  It is very hard to imagine life without our precious husbands.  We can help each other here. I am very grateful for this site.  I am free to express my feelings, because I know that the friends here understand what I'm going through, unlike others are able to do.   Jennifer, please continue to join us, because I'm sure we can glean from your wisdom and experience.

Comment by Jennifer Vecchio on January 12, 2018 at 5:08pm

Hi. I am new to this group. I recently lost my husband who was just 37 years old this December. It was shocking and very traumatic for me. We were together for 15 years. I am completely devasted and can't even imagine a life without him in it! I don't know what to do. Everyday it gets harder and harder. I feel so alone. 

Comment by bluebird on January 6, 2018 at 7:03pm

morgan,

I know what you mean. Before I met my husband I had published poems, completed college and grad school, backpacked around Europe, worked at a law firm, lived in my own apartment, etc.  Then once I met him my life expanded even more, he was and is the love of my life, my only love, and we enriched each other. Our life wasn't perfect, but I had things I enjoyed, and I was able to DO things (alone and with my husband).

Not anymore, not since my husband died. Like you, I can't watch anything with loving couples, and I don't want to see them in real life either (nor couples/families with young kids, which now I will never have). I can't buy or eat the foods he and/or we loved. I can't watch the tv shows we enjoyed together. I can't do this either.

It's as you said, "....the remembering of how content I was rears its head and I come crashing down."  I would say that I don't even give the impression of having things together or making progress, I doubt anyone would say that of me  now (especially my family, who know better), but even so, if I am having an ok moment/day it all crashes back into me, knowing how much I love him, and how we will never have our life together as we should have, and that he is dead, and that I will never be happy again in this life.  Never. So what is the point?

At the very least, allow yourself to "....crawl in bed, pull up the covers and stop" on some days/nights, the worst ones.  It sucks that it's necessary, but you are entitled to do it if you want/need to.

I initially came to websites like this one looking not for ways to stop my grief, but for some proof of an afterlife. I have not found that, in part I think because I've realized that nothing anyone else experiences or says could possibly be proof enough for me. I can only accept such proof from my husband, from him coming to me somehow.

As you said, it's that I cannot live without him. Any time I have lived and will live since he died is wasted.  

I know you feel much as I do; I truly do hope you are able to find some peace, however that may come.

 

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morgan replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I want to let you know that everything you are feeling is normal even though it seems so difficult compared to what we thought we had and what we knew.  The death of our spouse is the most difficult thing we will ever face, bar none.…"
13 hours ago
Jen H replied to monty thompson's discussion My wife passed 5 days before christmas in the group Lost My Spouse...
"Hi Monty, I lost my husband New Year’s Eve and have a 4 year old. It is extraordinarily hard to put on the happy face, be everything she needs, keep productive at my job, keep the house going and all the other needs of life covered. Bless you…"
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monty thompson added a discussion to the group Lost My Spouse...
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My wife passed 5 days before christmas

Hi AllMy name is Monty and i have become single parent of two special needs boys when i lost my wife and life partner of 25 years, 5 days before Christmas.My wife had Myotonic Dystrophy and other the last 2 years she had really declined both in her ability to look after herself, our boys, happiness and quality of life.i tried all i could to try and encourage her to be the best she could given her condition.   Unfortunately this was not enough to stave off a simple cold turning bad overnight and…See More
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