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Lost My Spouse...

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There Is No Loss 10 Replies

While I admit to being psychologically complex lol, I realize how ignorant I have been. I have spent time going after women who resemble Her in any sort of way. After all the days and nights gazing…Continue

Started by Jon-Paul Ackerman. Last reply by Linda Engberg Jan 13.

Lost wife 2 Replies

i lost my wife Katherine after 3 months of battle with cancer on dec 28/17.  We are to young for this, she was 36 and I’m 41.  We have 4 kids between 12-17. She was one of a kind person.  We were…Continue

Started by Ronald mclaren. Last reply by Dawn W Jan 10.

Over 3 years now... 13 Replies

My Wife came to me again seeming very disappointed with my sadness. She relayed to me that I should be rejoicing that I have Her for eternity rather than being depressed that She's absent physically.…Continue

Started by Jon-Paul Ackerman. Last reply by Linda Engberg Jan 8.

lost my soulmate 3 Replies

I lost my partner very suddenly in October (2017) the night before he was fine, we put the kids to bed and he was laughing and joking as he always did, we'd even planned to go for breakfast the next…Continue

Started by L.O. Last reply by Elynn m Jan 3.

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Comment by Susan K on December 19, 2017 at 3:09pm

Thank you Stewart. I have been on this site for ten months , I lost my husband to cancer, he was 50 and healthy one month and dying the next...It has been a wretched ten months. I miss my husband and our life together so much it physically hurts but I also have come to the realization that I miss me, I miss the way I was...Why I thank you is that you give me hope that I will find me again...I know it may be still a ways off but I have hope...I know I must endure living without my first choice but you are right life goes on...I have been putting off going to the bereavement group but I think after the Holidays I may go to my first meeting...thanks for sharing! God Bless! Susan

Comment by stewart p on December 19, 2017 at 1:06pm

I’d like to just to jump back on here for a moment share a little bit, because I care about all of those here who I share a unique bond with.  I realize some may disagree while someone else might gain some renewed hope or encouragement from our shared experiences.  I’ve posted many times before online here over the last 5 years since my wife died on my frickin kitchen floor in the middle of the night unexpected due to doctor malpractice at the young age of 53 with two teenagers at home It was a horrific image that has been etched into my mind forever.  And any of you on here who may have seen  a post or two of mine in the past might know what it was like for me those following years, not different than anyone else here.  Spending countless days, weeks months not hours sitting inside alone, watching anything yet nothing on tv, playing solitaire through dozens of sleepless nights.  The loneliness, fear, regret, sadness and depression tormenting be almost daily.  The tears that poured endlessly.  5 years of my life gone not to mention the 5 before that taking care of woman becoming ever increasing ill and disabled and only I seemed to be able to notice but since I wasn’t an MD professional my opinions mattered less.  My kids, my professional life everything reduced nearly to rubble in the process.  But somewhere in there I nourished and fed my faith in our Lord Jesus Christ, and while I while this is not a religious rant I have to credit his word with giving me a reason to hold on and hope for something better in spite of the many nights I wished for my own demise so that the torment would end.  I also set about writing down or journaling my thoughts, hopes, fears, everything.  22 or in all I completed.  I wrote down things I think I would like to do, then rewrote them again and again and again.  And I set due dates to do certain of these tasks and as those due dates came and went and I remained with in my house insulated from the world around me I rewrite those dates.  Well after a couple of years I actually started to do a little this, a little that. Not always and with plenty of missed due dates and more than not revisions to my “goals” or wishes/plans.  But I kept at it and those first two years I also went to weekly bereavement group, had I not I think I would of simply walked out in front of a speeding truck.  That gave me sooooo much strength, just to have a small group that I knew if nothing else would be there for me and they knew exactly what I was going through because they too each were feeling the same pain.  That helped a lot, didn’t make the pain of this loss disappear but it helped me open my eyes a little wider every morning those first couple of years.  So returning to what I was saying here, I started getting out more, didn’t want to, usually didn’t enjoy it much if at all, and found something wrong with just about everyone and anything.  Felt a great deal of anxiety, was fearful, and all those negative things. 

Comment by stewart p on December 19, 2017 at 1:06pm

BUT, I kept making myself do it, exercising, going for walks, bike rides, take the dog to the park, eventually began speaking before groups, found a new job I like and next month I will begin taking dance lessons.  Ive also met a very nice friend who I enjoy visiting with regularly and actually makes me smile spending time with.  I went through as much hell as hurt as anyone, and I remember some saying there is light on the other side given time and if we keep searching.  I heard the words but I was certain that would not be my story.  Well life goes on and people die, we all will die and experience like this just thrusts it in our face.  Once we begin to grasp that fact and begin to accept it there is a whole new part of life opening up .  For me each moment I connect with another human brings a tear to my eye because I have reverence for how delicate that moment is.  No longer do I take others as granted as I may have once, or the opportunities’ I’m given each day God willing to connect with someone.  I don’t fret or worry over the material world, find solace in gaining wisdom, place my trust and faith in God that all things will work for a greater plan, love and miss my wife forever and ever, and accept the way things are, begin to embrace not just accept, develop a plan and start working toward it to make my earthly existence better, smile more, talk to others, appreciate the moments we have because we here all know to well how they are gone, and sometimes we will smile even laugh again, but not like before because today I can laugh or smile and still cry at the same time.  Bless everyone I hope you find peace, and maybe some joy because I know the darkness that’s still there for some of you.  BUT there is some light out there, believe it.

Comment by Alice Thompson on December 15, 2017 at 6:18am

Thank you, Linda and Morgan. It just hurts so much for all of us.

Comment by bluebird on December 14, 2017 at 10:33pm

((((((morgan))))))

Comment by morgan on December 14, 2017 at 9:15pm

Paul, Each of us have memories of a time and day of the death of our beloved.  Mine just happened to come at a time of the year when normally the excesses of celebrating kick into high gear.  Not better not worse than anyone else's just crappy no matter for any of us but i appreciate  the sentiment. I always think about Bluebird when this kind of subject is talked about.  Talk about shitty timing.  I feel for her like you feel for me but for none of us was the time "right".  

And look at Alice.  Jesus, Alice.  How do you bear it?  I know I am not bearing it very well and I have given up really trying to do so.  I am retreating now and have been since Thanksgiving.  I build a wall until at least the end of January and heaven help anyone who gets too near me or tries to make me feel better.  

As I sit here writing this the news is broadcasting the names of all the children killed at Sandy Hook.  Five years today.  How is this "death" possible?

Nothing prepares us for death.  Sadness pervades every fiber of our being for the rest of our days when we lose our spouses if we had the kind for relationship that many of us on here have had.  There is a woman here where I live who just lost her husband in September and I didnt know about it until just three weeks ago and she had gone out of town.  Now I am trying to help her or at least bring some words of understanding to her as we are both in an emotional void.  I have been sick for a couple days though and didnt get out but having someone close by is like having everyone on here.  A spirit that really understands the hurt and the pain of losing the person who was such an intimate part of our own being.

I know I have gone through stages in this grief but the one thing that never changes.......I remember him every second of every day and I will till the day I die.  Its not that I am worried about forgetting him it's that I constantly remember him and it affects every single thing I do.  Its just so hard. 

Comment by Elynn m on December 14, 2017 at 8:57pm

My friend just lost her husband before Thanksgiving.   I'm trying to reach out to her, because I know how she feels, but she does not seem to want to respond.  She's keeping very busy!  I feel bad for her, but I guess she has to go through it.  I did the same thing for awhile after Joe dued.

Comment by Elynn m on December 14, 2017 at 8:54pm

Thank you, Linda for posting that.   

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 14, 2017 at 2:59pm

Alice,

I am so sorry, I know you holidays will never be the same again, we just make the best of it. 

Comment by Alice Thompson on December 14, 2017 at 9:54am

I feel the same. My love had a comprehensive stroke on 22 December, and died in hospital at 10pm on New Years Eve. Then I went “home” in a taxi amid fireworks.

 

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Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose-Lost my wife after 54 years one day at a time and it's ok to cry try to talk to friends tell the same story to them how you feel they do not know learn to say no to things -small things will overwhelm you and you will forget things after 7…"
11 hours ago
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Rose. 8 months for me.  We would have been married 44 years last month.   Weekends are the worst for me as I'm still working and keep busy during the week.   I'm very hollow."
12 hours ago
Rose C Gianopoulos commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Good evening,  This is my first time in the group.  I lost my husband 3 months ago today.  Each and every Saturday brings me back to the greatest pain I have ever felt.  It has not gotten any better.   We were married…"
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JenShep left a comment for TimB
"Hi Tim, Thanks so much for your note. I am so sorry to hear about your wife. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to write back to you sooner. I wonder how you are doing? Only a month since you lost your wife... I remember a numbness that…"
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Marjorie Willcox posted a status
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yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"I really can't live without my husband"
yesterday
Jean commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hello everyone. Today was bittersweet. I went to visit a dear friend at the hospital where my mother passed almost five years ago(Feb 8th). My mother wrote a short 2 page note of thanks and love to all of the doctors and nurses and staff at the…"
yesterday
Jennifer commented on Jarvis's group I love my Dad.
"Thank you Gilda and JO B.  I really appreciate your kindness and support. I know without any doubt that my Dad is with me just has he always has been.  much love ~"
yesterday
Marjorie Willcox posted a status
"It's not just the death of the love of my life it's the death of jthe future growing old together"
Friday
Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Karen for responding to my pain and sharing how you feel. It really is hell on earth."
Friday
Karen commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"I feel your pain. It has been only 7 months for me but some days I think it gets worse instead of better. The loneliness is overwhelming when they were such a big part of our world. "
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I love my Dad.

For everyone that has lost their Dad.
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Marjorie Willcox commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Thankyou Alice for responding to my pain. I'm new to this site so not sure how it all works. I feel sure I'll never get over this loss but I'm comforted by getting a reply from you & Morgan Thankyou. It must be awful feeling the…"
Thursday
Alice Thompson left a comment for morgan
"My dear Morgan, I am thinking of you as you go through this dark tunnel reliving the end. I did that myself recently, as you know, and it is indescribable. Baby steps, as you say. That’s all we can do. With my love, Alice "
Thursday
Alice Thompson commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Hello Marjorie, I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I lost the love of my three years ago. It is hellish. Sometimes life is more bearable than at others, but the fact remains that the worst thing possible has happened to me, and it remains a fact…"
Thursday
morgan commented on Marjorie Willcox's blog post Loss of my husband
"Marjorie, I wish I could offer more than just I am sorry.........I've been wishing to wake up from my own nightmare for a long time but my own predicament is so in flux all the time I can at times be supportive but other times I am simply…"
Thursday

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