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Lost My Spouse...

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loost my spouce 3 Replies

Lost my spouce a couple of weeks ago and now what do I do with the rest of my life after 55 years with the same person?Continue

Started by kathy. Last reply by Linda Engberg Apr 18.

loost my spouce

This aloneness is not going to be fun.  It is so lonely without him.Continue

Started by kathy Apr 17.

Healing 16 Replies

Hello,I've been reading the messages here and it's brought back memories of an earlier time in my grief. I feel for each of you. This loss is the most difficult of human struggles -- at least it has…Continue

Tags: joy, on, moving, healing

Started by Trevy Thomas. Last reply by Vicki Apr 16.

In agony 12 Replies

I lost my wife 6 weeks ago and I'm in agony every day.  We've been together for 51 years, married for 48.  Met at age 16.  We were like one person.  We knew everything about each other.  No secrets,…Continue

Started by joe kelly. Last reply by Trevy Thomas Apr 9.

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Comment by Bruce Armstrong on December 10, 2017 at 5:30pm

Been 5 Months and still broke long road ahead after 54 years she will be missed just one day at a time

Comment by Linda Engberg on December 10, 2017 at 5:08pm

I am so sorry for your lost Dawn. I lost my Husband 5 years to cancer and I believe it is the work of the devil. I still ache for him.

Comment by Dawn W on December 9, 2017 at 8:17pm

Thank you Nancy

so sorry for your loss

this cancer is a beast

we need to find the cure already

Comment by Nancy on December 9, 2017 at 8:05pm

So sorry Dawn W.  This will also be my first Christmas without my husband of 43 years. He passed May 10th after 7 months of cancer where he went downhill rapidly this past Jan.  So many unsaid things as he was confused off and on.  It is torture.  He was 66.  Out of the blue.  I was 20 when we married. Our 44th Anniversary would have also been this month on 29th.  I'm still in shock as I am sure you are too.  

Comment by Dawn W on December 9, 2017 at 7:49pm

He passed Nov 12, 2017

it was his 62nd birthday yesterday

now Christmas coming...

i can't do this my heart is broken...and I miss him so

Comment by Dawn W on December 9, 2017 at 7:47pm

So lost

my soul mate of 20 years gone to cancer in just 4 months

Comment by Lost with out him on November 19, 2017 at 7:51am
I am not functioning well either! I am a robot doing things that I do not care about doing because I have to. I feel like the walking dead. I am dead inside.nothing bring me joy.. My Grandchild only remind me he is missing. I miss him do much it hurts physically as well. I too want to die. But for the same reasons as Morgan I can't do it. I feel like I am missing the other half of me. I too cry all the time. ( I work in a Hospital so am surrounded by sadness) I fear a future without him. I mean really fear. I have anxiety about so many things. I do not want to be here! I use to feel his presence a lot but that too seem to not happen as often. If I think he is with me I am able to function better. I think we are all in the same boat, this is not a life! Grief and struggling to get through every minute of everyday. What bugs me a lot is everyone just carries on ( friends not family) I want yo shout " do you think this could not happen to you?" Your life could change in an instant like mine. I better stop I could go on and on..thank you all for being here, I find comfort here ❤️
Comment by Linda Engberg on November 19, 2017 at 6:12am

Hi Morgan,

I too am going on five years. I hate the holidays and just wish I could go to sleep until they are over. My Husband was my soulmate and he lives on in my broken heart. I just go through the motions of everyday. Mornings are the worse, I still see a Psychotherapist every other week. It helps keeping me together. There is no magic pill for grief except death and that's what I live for.  

Comment by morgan on November 19, 2017 at 2:02am

I don't know how the rest of you are doing but I seem to not be able to get a handle on living.  I function and work but I keep remembering.  And when I do I end up so desperate for him.  I just don't know how much longer I can do this.  I cant sleep right.  I cant eat right.  I cant have a conversation with someone without ending up crying.  I am just so tired of living in a constant state of grief.  I cant forget him.  I cannot live without him.  I keep suffering through this.  Why am I afraid to do what it is I want to do?  Because I am afraid if I do I wont be reunited with his energy again.  How much longer will this old body hold out?  

During the day I try to keep myself busy so I don't have to think but eventually something at some point will trigger a remembrance and all I can think about is how much I loved that man.  How much he loved me.  And down I go.  The hole is much deeper but more narrow.  This is nothing but torture.  

I guess I've never come too far out of the fog because the pain of losing him has barely left me.  What a cruel, brutal incendiary way to have to live being left behind.

morgan 

Comment by morgan on November 12, 2017 at 8:28pm

John, so sorry you're having a bad day.  I will be approaching five years in January.  The memories of my husband and who he was continue to haunt me everyday.  I am now resigned to knowing that I will not go more than 48 hours without crying.  Something I remember about him always triggers the tears.  

I cannot wrap my head around the fact he is dead.  Dead.  I don't know what that is other than he is in a box sitting on my living room table.  How is it possible he is gone?  How is it I will never see him again?  How am I supposed to pretend that this life means anything to me without him.  It doesn't.  

I hate it.  I want to be dead too.  I just cant seem to bring myself to ending it. I wonder what it would take to be able to end it. I certainly cant seem to use the means I have.  

I have spent the whole time trying to understand: why I am so devastated.  Why nothing means anything to me anymore.  Why I have such a hard time talking to people.  Why I don't want to live.  Why cant I end it.  Why is every decision a reminder of him and how hard it is to decide.  And then hating the fact I have to do it all on my own.  Most of all I don't want to be here on my own.  I want him back.  I want to hold him in my arms again and know the comfort of his body against mine.  I want for nothing else.  I wonder how people who are single or never had the kind of love I had, how do they live life and find joy?  Why cant I find any if they seem to?

Essentially I wonder how long my brain and body will hold out under this kind of stress.  When I drop into my meltdowns I just pray that it ends soon because the meltdowns are simply horrible now.  Painful.  Physically painful.  I have to prop myself into a position and cry it out because if I don't I am bound to erupt again in short order.

This has been the worst time of my life. Of course we had fights.  Of course he or I would get pissed at each other.  But I have never felt so abandoned.  So out of my element.  So angry that I have been left behind.  I don't know what it takes to get to a point where you simply refuse to take anymore but after this long I can only hope nature gets me soon.

 

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Marie D commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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dream moon JO B replied to Madeleine's discussion What would you do if you could have your lost loved one back for just five minutes?
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