Lost My Spouse...

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There is no remedy for love but to love more. – Henry David Thoreau 1 Reply

This phrase has been on my mind a lot over the last few months. I hadn't realized that it was from Thoreau, but it speaks to me and seems to be comforting, so thought I would copy it here.

Started by M Adams. Last reply by M Adams Nov 11.

Total numbness 11 Replies

It is nearing 2 years since I lost my husband, and I have one week where I think things might be getting better, then the next week I crash into darkness again.I keep thinking something must really…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by Linda Engberg Nov 7.

Who's the one who's selfish 9 Replies

My daughter came home from San Diego where she's stationed inn the Navy. I was talking to her about wanting to be with her Mom who's passed. She automatically got upset because she didn't like me…Continue

Started by Kevin Bailey. Last reply by M Ferruzza Nov 1.

Another Long Weekend Alone 7 Replies

This weekend will be the fifth Labor Day I have not been able to celebrate with my Husband, thanks to the devil's disease cancer. As far as I am concerned one day is the same as next, just waiting to…Continue

Started by Linda Engberg. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 9.

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Comment by JenShep on October 25, 2017 at 5:46pm


When I first came to this site I was also surprised to see so many people who feel the same way. I was hoping to find some people who had figured out how to move forward and feel okay but that's really not the case. And then I found some comfort in knowing that there is a group of people who understand so well how I feel. Hopefully you will find some comfort here too.

I felt compelled to write because of your saying that you are an atheist and you don't believe you will be reunited with your husband. When Tom died (a year ago on Oct 16th) I was also a pretty fierce atheist. And Tom and I had always said that if one of us died, the other would kill themselves. But I, unlike him, don't make rash decisions. I think he would have done it. (And I feel guilty that I haven't.) I tend to research a lot. I decided that I should find out what I can about people who have survived suicide attempts and what they had experienced and so on. I also happened to have a couple of sort-of paranormal experiences including a partial out-of-body-experience (crazy considering I would think anyone who told this to me was crazy!) which made me start reading everything I could get my hands on regarding a possible afterlife and made me feel pretty strongly that consciousness can exist outside of a physical body. I know this probably sounds really out there. But, I really did start where you are. My religion was science. I believed that people who believe in God just do it to make themselves feel better about death or because their parents taught them to etc. I'm not saying I believe in God now. But I found a lot of comfort in reading and learning all I can and opening my mind to other possibilities plus trying to figure out how to connect with Tom. Maybe you would find some comfort in reading about this kind of thing too. I don't know. Sometimes I've had such amazing signs that I think there's no way Tom doesn't hear me. He HAS to hear me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think there is a chance that you could be reunited with your husband. I still want to die too. But there's some peace in thinking that there's a chance I will see Tom again and maybe you'll explore that idea and find some peace too. 

Comment by Elynn m on October 25, 2017 at 4:16pm

Jennifer, there is really nothing you can do about family and friends who say they know what you are going through.   We both know that they can't possibly feel what we feel until it happens.   I just remind them to tell each other how much they appreciate one another "while there is still time" !   That usually makes them stop talking and think!

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 25, 2017 at 4:03pm

Hi Cheyenne,

I felt just you did when my Husband died from cancer, it has now been almost 5 years, I still see a therapist because I just can't let go. Time only makes you deal with life, but I will never get over losing him.

Comment by Cheyenne Steffen on October 24, 2017 at 11:31pm
I'm surprised to see so many on here who feel the same way I do. I want to die rather than continue without my husband. He died on Oct. 6th 2017. I know my grief is raw and it's early in the process... but I still feel that way.
I'm atheist so I don't believe I'll be reunited with my husband. If I did I wouldn't hesitate for a second. Truly I'm trying to understand why I'm hesitating now. Every instinct is telling me to end it. I cannot go on feeling this way as I have a chronic illness and this stress will send me into flare up again. I miss him so much. I can barely breathe.
Comment by Linda Engberg on October 16, 2017 at 7:27am


I feel the same as you it has been 4 years 3 months my wonderful husband died. I wish God would just take me. All I am is a zombie walking around in this hell.



Comment by Trina Mamoon on October 16, 2017 at 4:46am

"All I want, like most of the rest of you, is to reunite with my husband.  I want to know he is ok.  I want to hold him again.  I want his love.  The sooner the better." Morgan's words, simple yet so profound, fully and completely describes the emotions, feelings, thoughts and prayers of so many of us on this site. After a little over three years after the loss of my darling husband Joseph, not a day goes by when the first thought in the morning is not "How much longer? How much longer before I will be reunited with Joseph?" Then I start my day (which is very late) and trudge through the day aimlessly, do this, do that, nothing, nothing fulfills me. It's just going through the motions; since I am alive, I eat, I pay the bills, I watch TV, I sometimes go out, and when doing all this I am filled with the consciousness of the purposelessness of it all. All this is so futile and meaningless! And yes, life sucks, big time. None of us deserve this hell on earth. We have not done anything to be living in this hell, and indefinitely. Oh, how long, how long before it all ends? All of you here. morgan, Bluebird, Nancy, Paul, Alice, and Lost without Him, please take comfort in the thought that sooner or later, our time WILL COME. The question is WHEN? Hang in there, all of you kindred spirits! Sending you love and hugs, Trina

Comment by morgan on October 15, 2017 at 9:31pm

Bluebird,  I find myself wanting to kick over tables or throw something hard at times and yet my old catholic upbringing kicks in and disallows me to act out but I get the same feelings.  In the beginning I used to kick a cardboard box a lot.  It helped.

What I find so unreal is that we all seem to have the same kinds of reactions and we all try to cope with the feelings but there also seems to be no end in sight to the constant reoccurrence of the pain we endure when our thoughts move to how much we miss our beloved.  

I have been able to suppress my emotions a bit better as time passes and I am able to interact a little bit better on a daily basis when i go buy groceries or have to talk with someone I don't know but in general I stay clear of everything and everyone and hope everyday that my body will give out soon.  It seems to be the only way that this void will disappear.  

I admit coming up on five years in a couple months I can function outside of my bed (which most often is where I prefer to stay) but having to figure out how to make a living at my age as well as with my inability to focus I am forcing myself constantly to perform.   For years I couldn't do anything.  Now I can at least walk around and get things done but only because I have to, not because I want to.

All I want, like most of the rest of you, is to reunite with my husband.  I want to know he is ok.  I want to hold him again.  I want his love.  The sooner the better.

Comment by Nancy on October 15, 2017 at 5:52pm
I'm the same way bluebird
Comment by bluebird on October 15, 2017 at 5:41pm

And along with being incredibly sad all the time, I am also very angry, all the time.  Right now I want to jump out of my fucking skin, I want to punch everything, I want to yell and scream. I can't even contain this level of anger; it's overwhelming.  Between the sadness and the anger, there's nothing left of me.

Comment by bluebird on October 15, 2017 at 5:05pm

Absolutely, Paul.  We do not deserve to live in this hell.


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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So today is Thanksgiving, we will all get through this day and tomorrow will be back to normal, the next hurdle is Christmas. Its a tough month for me it will be 18 years on 12/14 for my dad and 2 years on 12/19 for my mom and my grandmom on…"
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Sam Hayward commented on Jarvis's blog post After Death Communication
"I had a visual experience after my husband died. I was in bed at the time and could not get to sleep so I just lay on my back and stared up at the ceiling. Suddenly the room filled with a brilliant white light tinged around the edges with mauve. In…"
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Again, thank you both for your kind words. I am feeling better already. I do not need much and I am grateful to you both for helping. Bluebell"
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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