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Lost My Spouse...

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Total numbness 6 Replies

It is nearing 2 years since I lost my husband, and I have one week where I think things might be getting better, then the next week I crash into darkness again.I keep thinking something must really…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 13.

Another Long Weekend Alone 7 Replies

This weekend will be the fifth Labor Day I have not been able to celebrate with my Husband, thanks to the devil's disease cancer. As far as I am concerned one day is the same as next, just waiting to…Continue

Started by Linda Engberg. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 9.

Moved, but nothing changes 5 Replies

I moved from the beautiful Northwest to Austin, TX to be closer to my family, but nothing seems to change. My sadness and loneliness seem to follow me wherever I go. I thought maybe a change in…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by irina s Sep 8.

They don't understand. 3 Replies

How do you deal with well meaning family/friends who just don't understand what you're going through? 2 of my sisters-in-law still have their husbands.  One does not have a good marriage, she talks…Continue

Started by Jennifer. Last reply by Helen Maez Sep 3.

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Comment by Elynn m on July 19, 2017 at 11:35pm

I have been so lonely the past two days.   Have no desire to do anything right now.  Spent some time out in my garden, but that didn't help too much...just got a call from my son.  Said he'll be back soon (30 minutes).   Going to the lake with the family soon.  Thank God for my caring family .   Friends have been few and far between lately.   I'm thankful that I can come to griefshare and express my feelings.

Comment by bluebird on July 19, 2017 at 7:21pm

John,

I understand.  Aside from Summer and Benny, I still get sad about the loss of our dog Sandy, who we had when I was a kid and through my college years.  She died when I was in college, and I still love and miss her.  I don't think the pain when our loved ones (human or animal) die ever goes away.  With time it may become less harsh, less direct (depending on the person), but it never disappears.

I'm sure you cried for your cat in part because of him being one of the connections between you and Diane, especially with her birthday coming up. I know that is the case with me. It's as though each death exacerbates the pain of the others, at least for me. Are you planning to do anything on her birthday? Do you think it will be better for you to be alone, or to be with friends/family? Both are hard, of course, but just do whatever you think will be easier for you.

______________________________________________________

Anne and Lost, thank you.  

Comment by irina s on July 18, 2017 at 7:23pm

why some people get cancer and some people don't? ....yep kim i like come here & people talk about how they can't wait to pass so they can be with their love ones.. I want to pass away so badly to be with him and burial next to him...it hurts and im so in plain.......what do any of you do on your esp events like bdays,annivs,holiday like vday, xmas i was told its painfully wrost feeling bc of the remember and shopping and gifts. now it's nothing. 

Comment by irina s on July 17, 2017 at 7:07pm

I came cross this tshirt on ebay and order it...& going to wear it with proud even out in public... anyone have similar like this tshirt if you want order it here the link 

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Miss-My-Husband-Im-Not-A-Widow-Wife-Awaits-...

Comment by Lost with out him on July 17, 2017 at 6:56pm
Bluebird,so sorry to hear about the passing of your dear sweet Benny. I have two cats and know the love I have for on them. Thinking about you during this difficult time (( hug))

Xx
Comment by Alice Thompson on July 17, 2017 at 1:07am
Bluebird, I am so sorry about Benny, and am thinking about you in your grief over your precious companion. It is beautiful, the way you loved him and held him to the end. A big hug to you.
Comment by John T. on July 16, 2017 at 6:55pm

bluebird, I was visiting my sister today and she brought up a cat I had a dozen years ago.  He was my best friend a very special little guy.  All of the sudden, I started crying and she looked shocked.  Next week is my wife's birthday and that's part of the way I feel but it's also the connection between that cat, Diane, and myself.  I have that same reaction to movies and television shows we watched together, the music we shared, and places we visited.  Her birthday will be really hard but there is actually no day that is not difficult at times.  If I lost one of the cats I have now, I would lose another connection to the life we shared together.  It would be devastating and no one in my family would understand.  Take care of yourself, bluebird, and God grant peace to all of you here.  Thank you each for understanding and talking about your feelings.  It helps some to know I'm not alone in the way I feel.

Comment by bluebird on July 16, 2017 at 6:27pm

Well the vet did come and put Benny (our cat) to sleep on July 10th.  It's sad, I'm sad, because I miss him and love him for himself, and also because he is a link to my husband, but it went as well as it could.  When the vet got here I asked her to please have a look at him to determine if this was really the right thing to do; she did, and she said she believed it was. He had lost more weight (about another 2 pounds in 2 weeks, and he only ever weight about 11 pounds at his heaviest), as he was hardly eating anything, maybe a couple of mouthfuls of food per day, and he was dehydrated (he was drinking, but not enough), and you could just see that he didn't feel well. 

So we went ahead with it. My sister was here to support me. At least I was able to hold Benny when the vet gave him the first shot, which just makes him comfortably go unconscious over the course of a few minutes, without anxiety or fear or pain.  So I just held him and hugged him, petting him and told him how much I love him and what a good boy he is, and to go to his Daddy and sister (our little girl cat Summer, who passed 8 or 10 years ago).  After a few minutes he was unconscious, then the vet gave him the other shot, but he didn't feel it, he wasn't aware (the vet said he was completely unconscious; she could have performed surgery and he wouldn't have felt anything or been aware of anything). I kept talking to him and petting him anyway, until he passed.

I'm sad about him not being here, and I love him and miss him very much, just as I do our cat Summer and of course my husband.  I can't get used to him not being here; There has been a cat in my life for the past 15 or so years, and I keep thinking "Oh, I need to feed Benny", or "Where's Benny? I want to go love on him and pet him", stuff like that.  The house is so empty and quiet and dead now.

Comment by Elynn m on July 16, 2017 at 6:15pm

I am reading everyone's thoughts today.   I am feeling lonely today.  Guess I've been busy a couple days this week, but it always hits me on the day after I've been so busy with other people.  I miss having Joe here to share my thoughts, or, to share time just sitting with me.....in his chair next to mine.   Didn't sleep well last night.

sorry to complain, but today has been very lonely.   It's Sunday, so I guess everyone is busy with their lives,...... and that's ok!    So I came to this site just to express my feelings.   Thanks for listening.

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 16, 2017 at 6:43am

Morgan,

Until we our together again, I got this tattoo with both our hands becoming one.

 

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