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Lost My Spouse...

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Total numbness 6 Replies

It is nearing 2 years since I lost my husband, and I have one week where I think things might be getting better, then the next week I crash into darkness again.I keep thinking something must really…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 13.

Another Long Weekend Alone 7 Replies

This weekend will be the fifth Labor Day I have not been able to celebrate with my Husband, thanks to the devil's disease cancer. As far as I am concerned one day is the same as next, just waiting to…Continue

Started by Linda Engberg. Last reply by Linda Engberg Sep 9.

Moved, but nothing changes 5 Replies

I moved from the beautiful Northwest to Austin, TX to be closer to my family, but nothing seems to change. My sadness and loneliness seem to follow me wherever I go. I thought maybe a change in…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by irina s Sep 8.

They don't understand. 3 Replies

How do you deal with well meaning family/friends who just don't understand what you're going through? 2 of my sisters-in-law still have their husbands.  One does not have a good marriage, she talks…Continue

Started by Jennifer. Last reply by Helen Maez Sep 3.

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Comment by Jackie cooke on May 24, 2017 at 3:05pm
I'm sure your right, and Bisto bit better thank god, it's just at the moment I feel like I am loosing everything. All our plans hopes and dreams gone, just emptiness and loneliness. I can't remember her voice even. It's so hard x
Comment by bluebird on May 24, 2017 at 2:09pm

Jackie,

I don't know if your Shirl or my husband still exist, but I wouldn't assume that they don't because of your dog being ill. If they do still exist, I think they help when they can, but I doubt they have control over everything.  Of course you have the right to believe however/whatever you choose; I am just trying to offer another perspective and perhaps a bit of hope.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 24, 2017 at 3:07am
I feel so alone, I don't think Shirl is with me. Everything is going wrong, Bisto our dog who was her world is poorly. I have to take her to the vets by myself, I'm terrified in case it's serious. She is my only reason for living now. Shirl would never let anything happen to her, so I know she's not here. Where is she when I need her the most
Comment by bluebird on May 23, 2017 at 9:58pm
Morgan, I feel exactly the same.

Kim, I'm glad this site is turning out to be good/helpful for you.
Comment by morgan on May 23, 2017 at 9:46pm

Does he remember me?  Does he know how much I hurt?   Why can't he come and get me?  I don't want any more of this life.  I'm tired and over it.....Please dear, come get me.

Comment by Elynn m on May 23, 2017 at 4:36pm

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss.   Your husband was very young.    You are right in saying that every day is a challenge.  I was used to facing  challenges together  with joe, but I have to face them alone now.   I'm sure the pain will ease up, but it will always be there.   True, ....when others say that "he's looking down and smiling"  at me.  But I'd rather have him here physically,  not as a virtual image.    

Comment by bluebird on May 23, 2017 at 11:09am
Kim,
We understand, as well as anyone can. It's much the same for many of us. (((((Hugs)))))
Comment by Louise on May 22, 2017 at 6:55am
Everyday for the past 8 months I wake up hating this new so-called life, I feel myself becoming bitter, I'm trying not to but it's so hard. I just want to see him again, to know for sure he still exists. Everyone around me carries on as normal, like nothing happened and I hate them for it because I feel like my life has fallen apart. Then I think I am a horrible person for feeling like that but I find myself caring less and less and withdrawing from others. I've been working around my house doing improvements for the past few weeks, until I'm absolutely exhausted at night, trying to keep myself busy but also because I know it would be something that would make my husband happy and it helps a bit. But every morning I wake and I cry myself silly for a few hours and then feel exhausted from that. I'm so tired of this, I just want to be with my husband.
Comment by Linda Engberg on May 22, 2017 at 6:36am

Morgan & John,

Couldn't agree with you more, leaving tomorrow to visit family. I have to put my mask on and pretend everything is ok, my one sister does not agree with me having a few beers everyday to keep from going crazy, Inside I am drying a slow death, which can't come soon enough. I been through all the methods you have to cope and they do nothing for me. Until I can see my Husband again, life is over for me now.

Comment by morgan on May 22, 2017 at 12:53am

For the first several years I could not fathom how I could be so devastated and unable to function. I mean several which is more than two.  Going into year four now I see that there is nothing society at large understands about grief.  People just ignore it if they can and if it is in their face they find a way to change the subject or they lecture about how it could be so different if only.....Yeah, if only my husband wouldn't have died I would still think like they do.  I know I wasn't cruel to others who suffered great loss but there is no way I could have empathized like I can now.  It is unspoken how those who have endured such a great loss don't even have to exchange words.   We know what the feelings are like.  The feelings are burying us, slowly but surely.  

We cope using different methods.  I cry.  At just about everything so I avoid everything that puts me in a position to have to interact with people as I just cannot seem to pull on my mask tight enough to be around others.  Further isolating myself.  Which is ok as I don't really want to be a part of this "new" life.  

Pills, counseling, therapy, crying, drinking, whatever,  are all methods to cope.  Just to get through the minutes of time.  Time is our newest enemy.  I want less time.  I don't need any more time.  I wish I could stop time and reverse it.  But it keeps clubbing me over the head.  And so I cope.  I cry.  I pretend.  I am pulling away from life.  And I am hoping it all comes to a halt naturally and as soon as possible because I have come to hate time and people and this life.

Four years and four months as of yesterday my life ended.  I wait with anxiety for an end to this constant missing of the one man who made this life worth living.  Where is he?  I want him to come and get me.  I don't want to keep living without him.  Where did he go and why isn't there something, anything that lets me know that there will be another chance at being with him.  Is that really so much to ask?

 

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Latest Activity

Alice Thompson commented on Pamela philipp's blog post Empty
"Good luck, Pamela :-) It is so hard to live among others when your inner life is so different from theirs. I think that after the first year I gave up expecting anyone to understand what is really going on for me. Sometimes I tell them anyway, but…"
5 hours ago
Teresa D. commented on Karen's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Karen, you saying your not helpful is very untrue.  I hate to say it but those ahead of me let me know I'm okay.  Those ahead keep me from feeling disappointed or like something is wrong with me because I'm not "moving…"
9 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I try to do that as well, Bluebell. I always want to be a son who makes my mom proud. I wish that I could somehow know that mom is still aware of me somehow. That she knows how much I miss her and love her. I just don't know if she does.…"
11 hours ago
BLUEBELL commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I am not there yet either Brett.It is so hard to be without her. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other, not to move away from her, but instead to live up to what I think she wanted me to be. Bluebell"
12 hours ago
Pamela philipp posted a blog post

Empty

It's been 2 years since I lost my mother and my husband and I am still lost and still very much alone in my grief I haven't been on this site in a while I've been trying to get by every day it's not working too well I'm struggling really really hard my family is still not around I guess they think I am OK that I'm doing fine little do theyknow that I'm not they are coming to my house this Saturday for a cook out because it's something my mother wanted me to do that's the only reason I agreed to…See More
13 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"For sure my mom will always be a part of us. But there may come a day when I don't remember her voice or mannerisms as clearly as I do now. There may be a day that I have to look at a picture to remember exactly what she looked like. All of…"
yesterday
Nancy commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Exactly Bruce and M. Nothing is the same"
yesterday
Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Take a trip would be great if you had that very special person to share it with-people just don't understand how much it takes away from you as a person"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"This take a trip advice must be widespread -- I was so stunned to get repeated phone calls and letters from one aunt telling me to go on a cruise within a month of my husband's death. I guess my non response is why there were both letters and…"
yesterday
John T. commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Bruce, it's just overwhelming at times.  This month is our anniversary, the anniversary of our first date (the most significant date to her), and the 3rd year since I lost her.  I have no one to talk to about any of this because my…"
yesterday
Bruce Armstrong commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"So lonely in the evening house is empty nobody here -been 3 months after 54 years with her I miss her and can't seem to stop crying need that companion and love close"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett I think they will always be a part of us."
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, right now my mom is so incredibly fresh in my mind. I do fear that the day will come when that is no longer the case. I don't want my memories to fade away. That is one of the issues that I have with, "letting go.""
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is true that being anxious will not help anything. There are so many things in life that we just have no control over. This is certainly one of them. It's just so hard to stop having those feelings though. My stomach is tied in knots right…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Bluebell, it will in time... I talked things through in my mind a lot and said to myself well I was anxious yesterday and the day before and it did not change anything, I did see my dr and took something for a few months and I am now weaning off of…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Prayers sent. God Bless you and give you strength and peace."
yesterday
Luisa Salter commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Today we moved everything out of Mom's apartment. It has uncovered a new layer of grief and I am utterly exhausted. My house and garage are in complete disarray with boxes everywhere. I feel so bogged down with things and things to to. I have…"
yesterday
Luisa Salter replied to Crystal K's discussion Its hard accepting my mother's death in the group I miss my Mom!
"Crystal I am so sorry. I lost my Mom on August 30th, and I understand this sense of coldness and feeling like a zombie. When people ask me how I am feeling, I tell them that I go back and forth between numb and devastated. It seems like I will cry…"
yesterday
Karen bentl posted a status
"Yes, I realize no one can actually hear me... I was just reaching out..."
Sunday

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