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Lost My Spouse...

Members: 341
Latest Activity: 19 hours ago

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Lost my wife 4 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Kyle McKay on Friday.

Two loves die - Sudden Death worse for griever 3 Replies

7 wksago my live together 10 yrs love collapsed dead in one minute sudden cardiac.I cannot deal with the unfinished business I was working on with him who I love so deeply.my eyes hurt so much from…Continue

Tags: endings, different, die, loves, Two

Started by CH. Last reply by Marjorie Willcox Feb 6.

Total numbness 22 Replies

It is nearing 2 years since I lost my husband, and I have one week where I think things might be getting better, then the next week I crash into darkness again.I keep thinking something must really…Continue

Started by Maxey. Last reply by Linda Engberg Feb 5.

There Is No Loss 11 Replies

While I admit to being psychologically complex lol, I realize how ignorant I have been. I have spent time going after women who resemble Her in any sort of way. After all the days and nights gazing…Continue

Started by Jon-Paul Ackerman. Last reply by Ericka Jan 23.

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Comment by Jackie cooke on May 24, 2017 at 3:05pm
I'm sure your right, and Bisto bit better thank god, it's just at the moment I feel like I am loosing everything. All our plans hopes and dreams gone, just emptiness and loneliness. I can't remember her voice even. It's so hard x
Comment by bluebird on May 24, 2017 at 2:09pm

Jackie,

I don't know if your Shirl or my husband still exist, but I wouldn't assume that they don't because of your dog being ill. If they do still exist, I think they help when they can, but I doubt they have control over everything.  Of course you have the right to believe however/whatever you choose; I am just trying to offer another perspective and perhaps a bit of hope.

Comment by Jackie cooke on May 24, 2017 at 3:07am
I feel so alone, I don't think Shirl is with me. Everything is going wrong, Bisto our dog who was her world is poorly. I have to take her to the vets by myself, I'm terrified in case it's serious. She is my only reason for living now. Shirl would never let anything happen to her, so I know she's not here. Where is she when I need her the most
Comment by bluebird on May 23, 2017 at 9:58pm
Morgan, I feel exactly the same.

Kim, I'm glad this site is turning out to be good/helpful for you.
Comment by morgan on May 23, 2017 at 9:46pm

Does he remember me?  Does he know how much I hurt?   Why can't he come and get me?  I don't want any more of this life.  I'm tired and over it.....Please dear, come get me.

Comment by Elynn m on May 23, 2017 at 4:36pm

Kim, I am so sorry for your loss.   Your husband was very young.    You are right in saying that every day is a challenge.  I was used to facing  challenges together  with joe, but I have to face them alone now.   I'm sure the pain will ease up, but it will always be there.   True, ....when others say that "he's looking down and smiling"  at me.  But I'd rather have him here physically,  not as a virtual image.    

Comment by bluebird on May 23, 2017 at 11:09am
Kim,
We understand, as well as anyone can. It's much the same for many of us. (((((Hugs)))))
Comment by Louise on May 22, 2017 at 6:55am
Everyday for the past 8 months I wake up hating this new so-called life, I feel myself becoming bitter, I'm trying not to but it's so hard. I just want to see him again, to know for sure he still exists. Everyone around me carries on as normal, like nothing happened and I hate them for it because I feel like my life has fallen apart. Then I think I am a horrible person for feeling like that but I find myself caring less and less and withdrawing from others. I've been working around my house doing improvements for the past few weeks, until I'm absolutely exhausted at night, trying to keep myself busy but also because I know it would be something that would make my husband happy and it helps a bit. But every morning I wake and I cry myself silly for a few hours and then feel exhausted from that. I'm so tired of this, I just want to be with my husband.
Comment by Linda Engberg on May 22, 2017 at 6:36am

Morgan & John,

Couldn't agree with you more, leaving tomorrow to visit family. I have to put my mask on and pretend everything is ok, my one sister does not agree with me having a few beers everyday to keep from going crazy, Inside I am drying a slow death, which can't come soon enough. I been through all the methods you have to cope and they do nothing for me. Until I can see my Husband again, life is over for me now.

Comment by morgan on May 22, 2017 at 12:53am

For the first several years I could not fathom how I could be so devastated and unable to function. I mean several which is more than two.  Going into year four now I see that there is nothing society at large understands about grief.  People just ignore it if they can and if it is in their face they find a way to change the subject or they lecture about how it could be so different if only.....Yeah, if only my husband wouldn't have died I would still think like they do.  I know I wasn't cruel to others who suffered great loss but there is no way I could have empathized like I can now.  It is unspoken how those who have endured such a great loss don't even have to exchange words.   We know what the feelings are like.  The feelings are burying us, slowly but surely.  

We cope using different methods.  I cry.  At just about everything so I avoid everything that puts me in a position to have to interact with people as I just cannot seem to pull on my mask tight enough to be around others.  Further isolating myself.  Which is ok as I don't really want to be a part of this "new" life.  

Pills, counseling, therapy, crying, drinking, whatever,  are all methods to cope.  Just to get through the minutes of time.  Time is our newest enemy.  I want less time.  I don't need any more time.  I wish I could stop time and reverse it.  But it keeps clubbing me over the head.  And so I cope.  I cry.  I pretend.  I am pulling away from life.  And I am hoping it all comes to a halt naturally and as soon as possible because I have come to hate time and people and this life.

Four years and four months as of yesterday my life ended.  I wait with anxiety for an end to this constant missing of the one man who made this life worth living.  Where is he?  I want him to come and get me.  I don't want to keep living without him.  Where did he go and why isn't there something, anything that lets me know that there will be another chance at being with him.  Is that really so much to ask?

 

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Darien replied to Suzette Laree Arch's discussion 4 months and I can't stop crying in the group Being the Other Woman/Other Man
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"Dear Linda I feel for you and me   I feel my life is over but I have to go on living"
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"Thank you marjorie, i worry about everything now especially when it involves my children x"
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Patricia Chavez posted a discussion

So painful without my mommy

Hi my name is Patricia ,  I’m a new member.. I cared for my mom in my home for 15 years .. last year she started getting weak. I don’t speak to any my sisters either , they are accusing me of helping Hospice poison my mother with morphine .. They never helped me care for my mom, I’d have to beg them and they always caused an argument and would block themselves from phone calls to help with my mom .. They I would go as far as to call my mother and I ask my mom “why doesn’t Patricia put you in a…See More
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Marjorie Willcox commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"I'm on mertazapine which I take mid evening.it makes me sleep all night but have no trouble waking up."
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L.O commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Well been to drs again and they still cant find out why im having chest pains (in even had a heart scan) They put me on new meds mirtazapine but im afraid to take them as i heard its hard to wake up and having young children i need to be able to get…"
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My love Kris and I in Salzburg Austria in 2011
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"Everyday is a struggle now"
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Jenni H posted a blog post

Totally tired of my life and lack of emotions.

My mother had a stroke in October of 2015. She changed over night due to the aphasia and brain damage. She was a new person, half of who she once was. I began grieving my mother in October. I turned of all emotion and detached myself during the caregiving. It was just way too hard for me to deal with her conditions and my father's emotions. My family are gifted with abilities, mine was empathy and third sight. Most may not believe in that stuff, but it is more than real to me due to years of…See More
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