Lost My Spouse...

Members: 364
Latest Activity: Jul 7

Discussion Forum

The Holiday Season and my loss 1 Reply

This Christmas Season this year is very hard.Family gatherings are wonderful but l feel my husband not being so much more.Seeing everyone makes it more real that Ron is not here.The tears are in my…Continue

Started by Denise Lavoie. Last reply by Linda Engberg Dec 24, 2018.

Lost my wife 14 Replies

It's been almost a week since i lost my wife to lung disease. She's in my mind 24/7. I don't have anybody else to talk too. I was carred by emotional and physical abuse mostly in my childhood in…Continue

Started by Kyle McKay. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Nov 12, 2018.

Lost my husband the father of my kids and bestfriend . 3 Replies

  I lost my husband we were high school sweethearts we had plans and it was not suppose to be this way we had two kids together and I feel so lost and the pain i feel becuase of how much I miss him…Continue

Started by Nicole. Last reply by Fran Oct 19, 2018.

FAILING 9 Replies

next month will be three years since I lost my husband and I'm failing miserably I am in serious debt I cant fix, I stay home because I have extreme difficulty leaving my house I don't know how to…Continue

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Corinne C. Rico Oct 4, 2018.

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Comment by Michael on January 25, 2017 at 7:27pm
You are lucky to have company 4 days a week.
Comment by bluebird on January 25, 2017 at 7:20pm

I stay home as much as I possibly can. I work 4 days a week because I have no choice financially. I go to the grocery store and post office and so forth when I have to.  I do have dinner at my sister's house the same four nights a week that I work; we watch shows on dvd or Netflix that my husband would not have wanted to watch anyway, so it's not as hard to watch them as it would be to watch shows he and I enjoyed together (which I cannot do). That's all I can manage.

Comment by Michael on January 25, 2017 at 6:22pm
Ive been at homenearly all the time since Roxanne died. I went to a friends house sunday to watch football. And i went to a concert a few weeks ago. Otherwise, just tge grocry store and local bar for dinner. Everyone thinks im nuts.
Comment by John T. on January 25, 2017 at 5:55pm

Stewart, I'm relieved to read you stayed home nearly all the time due to anxiety for 2 years.  I thought I had really lost my mind.  I only did what I absolutely had to and swear I felt like I'd forgotten how to drive, buy something in a store, or talk to people.  It was the weirdest time of my life and it only began to get better in the last six months.  My family acted like I was from another planet and I was too embarrassed to talk about it.  I've lived here for over two years now and I'm only starting to venture out and explore this area.  

Comment by stewart p on January 25, 2017 at 5:39pm

I got a new dog a couple years back and went for another walk in a park where my wife and I werent able to go hike at because of her health problems before she died.  It was actually fun and I dont remember thinking even second about her, just playing with the dog and enjoying the scenery. Just now when I got back I read some of the recent posts, so what Im starting to think that has and might help me more to the extent possible, is avoid places her and I use go to together, begin shopping at a different grocery store, instead of going to home depot try Loews or a different depot, put her backpack and keys away not leaving her things out to look as daily reminders, and as Bluebird suggested try do some things with people who might be as friends.  It still is heart breaking if I spend time thinking about her, and yes I know that "anxious" feeling, kept me at home nearly all the time the first 2 years.  I realize all these best efforts wont change the one underlying fact we all would rather not have to face, and thinking about that right now just makes me all the much more sadder, but on the other hand something has to begin to change, anything just something because leaving in isolation as a zombie is not working out very well for me.  It was ok the first few years but the other consequences of living like that are beginning to appear on my horizon and Im afraid things will even be worst if they could be any worst.

Comment by Jon-Paul Ackerman on January 25, 2017 at 5:10pm
I know it is a difficult time. Major shifts. Embrace pain and change as it is vital to growth.
Do not let the world crush you. Look inward.
Remember... You have lost nothing. Everything and everyOne is within.
Comment by Lost on January 25, 2017 at 5:07pm

It does not hurt less just less often

It does not hurt less
but the time between grows more wider
It hits me when I come home
The house is dark

I see your car is in the driveway
I imagine you come out the front door to greet me
My hopes are dashed when the door stays shut

Your backpack, keys and jacket wait for you each morning
Your backpack, keys and jacket wait for me when I come home

I can only sleep on my side of the bed
but sometimes I hug your pillow

I can't hear your voice anymore
But I can still hear your laugh
A laugh that made everyone smile

I still say I love you every day
and wait for you to say I love you too

I does not hurt less just less often


Comment by Maxey on January 25, 2017 at 4:46pm
I agree that this is very similar to a prison sentence; we can only hope and pray that we get a reprieve or a pardon so that we do not have to serve this sentence. I truly fear the thought of having to spend many years here on this earth feeling this way.
I look forward to being "free" and going to join my husband whenever or whatever that might look like. I have his ashes beside my bed,and I tell him that if there is "nothingness" out there, then we will be mixed together and sent out into the universe together. If heaven awaits, then paradise will "live again" for us. I so hope for the latter!!
Comment by Maxey on January 25, 2017 at 4:37pm
I find that when I go shopping and I spot a couple in the aisle, I am so envious. I remember that my husband and I would shop, and then go out for a bite to eat. Once a week we had our "big day out" and spent the whole afternoon together. We would ride in the car and sing silly songs from shows and just be so content and happy. Lord, I miss those days so much that I can actually feel the ache in my chest. I have to shake myself to stop thinking about it or I will cry. So now when I shop, I avoid the couples since I cannot cope with their happiness and my sadness.
So you are not alone, so many triggers are there for me; it seems like they taunt us and make us miss our "old" lives even more.
Comment by Mary on January 25, 2017 at 3:14am
Hi Lisa. I also have panic attacks going into stores and certain places that my husband and I would go to. The grocery store is the hardest and Home Depot. I actually only go out when necessary. I've lived in my hometown all my life yet all seems different. Everything is different. I feel like someone is sitting on my chest and I can hardly breathe. Someone told me when that happens, just breathe. It seems to help maybe because you are concentrating on breathing and not so much the heartache you feel or the ache in your body. I miss my sweet husband so very much. I yearn for him. He is the love of my life. Gone so young.

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Latest Activity

Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
12 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
18 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
18 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
Profile IconGeorge Makhniashvili and Amatullah joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Brett Bowman replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"You and I experienced something very similar. You are not an anonymous person who lost her mother. I just wish that I knew the words that would make it all better. I don't. I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. All I know is that…"
Lynn Fisher replied to Lynn Fisher's discussion New here in the group I miss my Mom!
"Thank you so much for your kind words.  It means a lot to me that you would take the time to bring me some peace, which you have."
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"So glad you have your daughter.  I was so close to my Dad & so many wonderful memories of time I spent with him.  It has been over four months since I lost my Mom.  I try to stay busy, but still have a lot of grief…"
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi All,  Hope everybody doing good. My daughter is growing up and keeps me busy but any day I sit and feel guilty of not serving my mother, I feel like crying. She should have enjoyed so much with her grand daughter but destiny had some other…"

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