Don't grieve alone; 13,000 members and growing
Annette was my life. We were married 12 years. No children. Only the two of us. We both suffered from morbid obesity. This led to fluid build up called Edema. We both took care of each other as best we could. We were poor but a happy couple in our 50s. Annette also suffered from cronic panic attacks. SO awful that last year she spent nearly two weeks as they tried to get the proper meds for her.
They worked for time. Then I lost my job and health insurance. We had no money for medication as we tried to pay rent and prevent us from being evicted.
She stated having terrible night sleeps. Sleep apena (as I have) denied her a good night sleeps. SHe started screaming in her sleeps, and her edema started getting worse. SHe kept tellingme she didn't feel well for months. I begged her to go to the hospital but she refused. I think we were maybe both in denial of our health. We suffered. I had to find work despite the agony of walking. In fact its what kept me alive. The bread winner has to move. Movement is life.
She started to bloat and I screamed at her to go to the hospital. But she wouldn't. Then that night, she kept sleeping on her stomach. I sat across the room from her. I noticed she wasn't moving. I charged over to her an screamed Honey!!! I turned her over and her lips were blue. I screamed no!! please God no!!
I diled 911 they came but couldn't resucitate her. I loved her more thanmy own soul. I amalone. I come home to silence. My beloved of 12 years is gone. I am beyond grief. I beg God to plase take me. I collected her ashes yesterday and brought them home. I wear her ring which I will take with me upon my death.
It's a nightmare. An utter, blinding nightmare. I should have forced her. I keep thinking what if I had called 911 and forced her to go? I took care of her soiled clothing, washed her, and loved to cook for her. Now it's gone. ALl gone. I want the grief and madness to stop. It won't stop. ANd the only thing that will bring me peace is to be with my wonderful wife. Nothing comforts me. I just want to fall alseep and beg God to take me.
I'm sorry to hear of your sister's communication. Beat a man while he's down and out. The reason I asked of the cell phone bill is my cell plan is $20/month given I just use it for text (unlimited use). If I use it for calls it is $1.99/day which I only use if I absolutely need to. (I have a magicjack which I use for calls.) But maybe that would be an option to give you a cell plan. It's a prepaid plan with Verizon. I feel like I'm giving you a miniature shovel to put out a house fire when you need a fucking tank. I really feel for you Rich and wish I had something better to solve your dire situation.
Richard, I am putting you on my prayer list. God still works miracles today. I don't know if you are in california, but I do know that (in calufornia) , they are not allowed to refuse to provide medical care (at emergency rooms). Call 911 if you cannot get to emergency....dehydration and starvation are emergencies!!!
I am sorry for your recent loss. My husband also refused to go to the hospital until i called 911. ...don't be hard on yourself. I have been reading about your situation....very devastating.