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Comment by Donna Schlatter on June 19, 2012 at 8:01am

Good morning everyone.  Haven't posted here in awhile.  I had the NERVE to think that I was coping just FINE with the loss of my mother but I am nowhere near feeling normal.  I recently read that Robin Roberts (on ABC) was diagnosed with MDS, a rare bone marrow/blood cancer.  This is exactly what my mom passed away from on April 19, 2011.  Only 1 in a few HUNDRED get this per year.  It brought all the emotions back once again.  I have a father and brother that are NOT there for me emotionally, nor were they EVER really there for my mother.  I pay all my father's bills, call him to check on him (I live in a different state than him) but I hardly get anything in return.  I work full time, am married with two sons; one starting his sophomore year in college, the other starting his sophomore year in high school.  I am a busy mom, but family means more to me anything.  Yet, unfortunately, the other two men in my life (father and brother) could care less how I'M doing through all this.  I speak to lawyers for my dad, trying to work on estate settling, take care of his IRAs, CDs, etc.  Nothing.  My mom told me how miserable she was when she was alive and I never quite believed her.  Now I get it.  My brother is a user and made my mother cry more than smile.  These emotions are renting space in my head and making me angry and bitter.  I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it.  I miss my mother so terribly much.  I am PISSED off.  She was a beautiful person, inside and out.  She was my best friend and always will be.  I still cannot comprehend she is gone, it still feels like a dream since I relive that day over and over again.  Feels good to vent. 

Comment by Sue Waxman on June 19, 2012 at 6:36am

Polly,

I love your poem. - Sue

Comment by Sue Waxman on June 19, 2012 at 6:33am

Kim,

I am so sorry that you are hurting so much. We are all experiencing the same pain at different stages. I lost the only person who truly loved me my mother June 26, 2011. This month is will be 1 year. The pain is still are fresh as the day she passed on. My life forever changed that day. I will tell you Kim, that there is God and that there is a better place that we do experience after this. I wish I knew ALL of the answers as to why people suffer and die. I know that we are all on this earth to experience many hard this. The hardest lesson is to experience loosing someone we love. The hard lessons suck. I will tell you that every day I miss my mother more and more. I have no other family. My mom suffered so much with her cancer, the chemo the radiation. It killed me to watch her. I will NEVER forget the life draining out of her face when she gasped her last breath. It haunts me. My mommy so riddled with cancer. GONE. When your mom dies part of your soul is gone. I could have gone with the hate thing. Blamming God for letting me down and taking the only person I had. But when my mom died I felt her leave with someone. I choose believe that God saved her from the pain and suffering that cancer was creating in her body. When people are murdered, get cancer, get killed in car accidents - it isn't God pulling the trigger - it is evil. Evil is a part of our world as much as good is. We are all going to die. It is just a matter of when and how. Some people live full wonderful lives and other's die young. Why? I know my wonderful mother is in a better place because she deserves to be. Your friend was afraid to die, of course she was. She was a young girl taken way before she was ready. That is wrong on every level. But I can assure you that when she went she was comforted and loved in her transition to the next place. Her fears were immediately gone. I know these things Kim.

I just do. God has not abandoned you. When you are in your worst moment do yourself the most wonderful thing: Say God I cannot understand this, I cannot handle this pain, I am putting myself in your hands to help me. And then just do. Kim what do you have to loose in taking my advice? Since my mom died I have experienced some things you would not believe. No one does when I tell them. My mother was all I had in this world. But I am happy for her that she is when she is surrounded by only love and pure joy. No more pain. If I die on my way home from work today - I would be more than ready. Because I know I will be with my mom again. But until my time comes I do make the world a better place by helping everyone with their journey. I hope this helps. I know this is just an awful time in your life. Much love Sue

 

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 18, 2012 at 9:36pm

Polly,

I am so unsure as to whether GOD exists anymore.  At times I feel like we have all been lied to about there being a GOD.  Maybe GOD really is an illusion?  I don't know any more.  I hate when people say "he/she is in a better place now"  No my loved one is not.  She did not want to die.  She begged to stay alive.  She didn't admit she was dying until the day before she passed.  She still believed that GOD would save her.  She was young and had so many things left to do in this live.  So hell no! she isn't in a better place.  My heart goes out to you.

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 18, 2012 at 9:31pm

Polly,

I understand the poem and I also understand how it feels to be abandoned by GOD.

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 18, 2012 at 9:30pm

Debbie,

I know exactly the pain you are going through.  I ask myself those same questions "How do I go on without you" etc.  It has only been a month for me and the grief and pain gets worse every damn day.  I cry every day throughout the whole day.  I cry when I wake up and I cry when I go to bed and everywhere in between.  The emptiness and loneliness is unbearable.  Everything reminds me of her.  I feel like I am only a half a person.  I don't believe I will ever be the joyous, happy, bubbly person I once was.  Debbie my heart goes out to you.  I truly truly understand.

Comment by Polly Gee on June 18, 2012 at 8:56pm

I wrote this poem...not to offend anyone..just to help me deal with my grief:

I prayed so hard to this loving god

But this god was deaf

He did not answer my prayers

Not one

Who needs this stupid god anyway

Not I

Not me

Not us

Not we

Surrounded by people

Yet completely alone

I look across at the one empty chair

And feel a cold emptiness

Did I remember to smile in all the right places

Did I remember to cry when the conductor signalled

Everyone applauds

The curtain closes

God takes a bow

Comment by Debbie S on June 18, 2012 at 8:49pm

Feeling so alone!! I should be so happy that my daughter is getting married the 30th of this month but I'm missing the love of my life so BAD! How do I go on without you? How am I suppose to make it without you? How am I suppose to be happy withouy you?? We did everything together!! The kids will be home for a week before the wedding and all I can think about is how I hate to see them leave at the end of the week!! When will this pain at least ease up a little?? There has not been one day since March the 7th that I have not cried.  don't have a clue how to live without you!!

Comment by Mary M. on June 18, 2012 at 9:04am

I am not sure this will help anybody, but I received this in e-mail today .. and it gave me comfort knowing that I don't have to rush to be over my grief.

Sometimes other people try to help you get out of your grief by offering advice or "constructive criticism." They may admonish you to "get over it" or to "get back into life." These comments can hurt. 

Remember, you have an insight into the grieving process that these people do not have. You know that the length of the grieving process is different for each person. You know you have to let the grieving process take place, because if you try to rush it, you will only prolong the healing.

"So many people will say: 'Well, it's been six months. Don't you think you should be over it by now?' But for each person it's different, and to say those things is very hurtful because maybe that person isn't ready," says Emy, a widow.

You cannot rely on other people to say the right words and provide the right comfort, but you can rely on God.

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 17, 2012 at 10:02pm

It really doesn't get any easier as time goes by.  It has been 36 days and the days just keeping get harder.  The sadness and despair is unbearable.  The one person that I loved deeply and loved me, GOD took away.  Jesus said at least 11 times in the bible "ask and you shall receive... for everyone who asks receives"  Since these are the words of the eternal Word of God, we ought to expect that they are wholly and absolutely true and unequivocal—shouldn't we?  Well we both asked and asked and asked for her to be healed etc.  So what happened, she died!  What kind of GOD is that who doesn't stand by his/her words.  Sorry I just need to vent and I don't have any where else to do that.  Thanks

 

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