Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

Members: 609
Latest Activity: Aug 23

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I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 11 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12.

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

Still lost and broken 2 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Pamela philipp Jan 5, 2018.

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Comment by Michael Thompson on October 29, 2018 at 4:08am

Hi everyone, Well ive read all the responses and can relate to everyone of them.   Till' death you do part" was spoken by the clergy when I married my lovely wife in 1992, and we expected it to go on forever, we do lets be honest, but the other saying, "we never know what's round the corner", aint that the freekin' truth.   I feel half a person, half a man, lost, and alone.  There is no pleasure in anything anymore, if there's anything to be learned, it's not to take anything for granted, no matter how rocky a marriage might be, its the priceless togetherness of two people sharing life's problems, its an adventure.  When its gone, there is no going back, your on your own for the rest of your life.....When you lose your husband or your wife, your world changes because your situation has changed.  Nobody knows what to say to you, friends think everything is okay because you seem okay, but inside your not okay..Its a hellova lesson for them, when it happens to them.

I think im the only person on this site in the UK, im an English man.  My wife and I were married 22 years, and I dont know how to start again, because im a positive person in a negative situation.  A year after my wife died, I wrote an article to my local paper about cancer from the left behind spouses point of view and paid a tribute to my wife.  If anybody would like to read it, please email me at the following address, and I will send it as an email attachment.  michaelthompson533@btinternet.com

Sincerely

Michael Thompson   

Comment by ALEXIS on October 29, 2018 at 1:02am
Hi Michael,

I can definitely relate to feeling lost. It has been a little over 2 months since I lost my husband to complications from treatment for acute myeloid leukemia. I mostly feel numb and like a part of me is missing. I go to work, have added new things to my schedule as I am no longer spending most of my free time in doctors offices or hospitals but through all of it I just feel alone. I wish I could offer something that would make this better or a coping skill that could take away this horrible feeling but I can't. For myself I am trying to acknowledge how big a hole has been ripped into the fabric of my life. Just focusing on breathing through those awful moments of awareness and then picking myself up again and trying to go on. What I didn't realize is how exhausting this is. I don't think I have ever felt more tired in my life. Sending you good wishes.
Alexis
Comment by morgan on October 28, 2018 at 11:58pm

I think I can only add to this conversation by saying I am feeling so worn out.  So tired.  I have only enough energy everyday to do what I HAVE to do and find no joy in any any of it.  I guess you could say I am living in the past but the way I look at it is that I want to join my husband and he no longer lives here.  Am I busy?  Constantly.  Do I have longer periods without the excruciating meltdowns that have compromised my immune system?  Yes.  Does it matter?  No, none of it.
Why?  Because I cant live pretending that this reality is somehow fulfilling.  I had what I wanted.  I no longer need what is presented to me.  
I feel forced to continue living.  I am caring for a good friend to bring him back from the brink...I have restored three of four houses I bought doing so much with so little by being super creative.  But for what?  So i can pay bills.  Making money to pay bills.......when I used to do that I found a sense of self satisfaction, of challenge, joy, sharing with my husband every victory in turning trash to treasure.  Now I am empty.  No other reason to do this other than paying bills.
I don't really see an end to this futility of trying to rebuild the person who will find reason to live a full, happy life.  I have tried all the ways I know how and without my beloved I am not seeing any purpose.  Just tired of moving through space without him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 3:35pm

Hi Michael

I can relate to everything you said. Lost my Husband to colon cancer in 2013 and have never been the same. I am half a person just wandering lost in this world. 

Comment by Michael Thompson on October 28, 2018 at 9:26am

Hi everyone, I cannot believe how fast time flies.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  I miss our rapport.  I miss the subtleties that come with marriage.  The interaction.  The stability.  I am a widower.  I feel lost.   I am empty.  I am desperately searching for answers to make some kind of sense of it all.   I realise anybody reading this will relate.  I look forward to all responses.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Marilea,

So sorry for loss. It has been almost 6 years since I lost my Husband, I still think of him everyday. I will be honest with you and tell my grief is always with me. Time doesn't take the grief away but I am able to not function like a zombie anymore. Pray for the best for you.

Comment by Marilea on October 27, 2018 at 4:31pm
Hello everyone.
I'm new on this site and hope it will help with the greif.first let me say how sorry I am that each and everyone of you has lost a loved one to cancer.
My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in October 2017 and passed away February 2018.
I was a huge daddy's girl for all of my 57 years of life. I miss him so much. Every minute of every day. I cry often and feel depressed at times. I live in Az and dont know if any of you live in my state to where we could meet and help with the grief.
It's very overwhelming most of the time.
Comment by Geri on September 17, 2018 at 3:44am

Hi Everyone,

This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the firsts? I'm trying to do one day at a time but struggling with thoughts of Christmas and his birthday.

I miss him with such a heaviness and longing in my heart that I am unable to breathe when I cry now. I feel grief is taking me backwards where I'm questioning, bargaining and reverting to being angry again. Still questioning my purpose, why him and not me.

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 16, 2018 at 3:02pm

Hi Pamela,

So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing.

Comment by Suzy Tatz on September 16, 2018 at 1:43pm

I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self destructive. John , my fiancé, was not a drinker so I rarely drank, now I am drunk every night, I have been sleeping with his best friend and I am just a mess. I miss them both so much but John was my true soulmate. Did anyone else go down this road? How do you get out of it. Everyone tells me I m the strongest person they know, I don’t feel it right now. I can’t get myself to just feel. I have no clue who I am because the last 6 years was all about John. 

 

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Loss of a loved one to alcohol, substance abuse or suicide

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