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Comment by Judy Kemp on January 27, 2011 at 1:41am

Cannt seem to move on with  my life i cry and throw things so depressed i havent gotten out of bed for the last 3 days now i pull the blankets over my head and cry till i fall asleep only to see my husband in my head i wake reaching for him to find he's gone and cry all over again. I dont know how iam going to get over this my heart and soul hurting so bad i need to find some way of moving on just not sure how to. I try to be brave in front of the kids but iam not doing so good right now. I feel like iam losing my mind being pulled in some many different ways being told i should be that i should be doing things this way or that but i dont care not any more. He was my life we were always together it wasnt supposed to be like this, we were going to retire and sit in rocking chairs watching our grandkids grow but that dream is gone now and my soul and heart are broken beyound repair. I loved him so much i dont know how to live with out him. So tried of feeling like this. I havent left my house in days and dont want to really i lay in our bed holding on to his shirt crying my eyes out. I hate that the cancer took him from us if i could i would have taken his place god i miss him so much. When dose the pain go way i so scared feel like iam losing my mind so much of the time i still hear his voice late at night i reach for him to fine myself alone and i hurt all over again

 

Comment by Jeannie Porter on January 27, 2011 at 1:36am

Jeannie in Colo. Than GOD I found this siye.  Some of U may not ever write me..I read yours and find I am but a wee fish in the sea of it all... Blessings to aall. 

Comment by Jan Duvenage on January 27, 2011 at 12:56am

There is no way anyone can tell us how to work through our grief, this is something we all have to work through in our own way. If you have loved someone with all your heart and soul like i think all of us on here it just seems insurmountable to get through every day, I know i will never get over my soulmate but it's not what she wanted for me, i think for each of us, our loved ones wouldn't want or rather don't want us to let go of the memories but also not to stop with the business of carrying on with our lives. Just typing this brings back fresh memories of Margi and fresh tears of longing, but the tears flush away the anguish and the longing. I may not see her, but her spirit lives forever and her pictures around me remind me of her. The good times and the bad times we had all built the relationship i have with her now, stronger than ever with a feeling of inner peace and longing that nothing or anyone can change. I wish everyone the peace and understanding they all deserve, becuase no one should go through this alone.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 26, 2011 at 9:46pm

thanks Michael....I will need therapy too, but just dont want the pain to be there so bad....its too hard to talk about....i cant even think of her or I fall apart....yes, being in bed is a sign of depression, but sometimes there is no other way to escape the pain, its just  hard all the way around....thanks for your comments :)

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 26, 2011 at 9:43pm

hey Shawna, crying isnt weird, you have to get it out....lord knows i have shed enough tears the last few weeks for a year's worth....you are not alone, even if it seems it....I dont have much family either....my sister didnt even get involved in the funeral or anything cause she was estranged from my mother....it makes me sick....maybe someday it will get easier, but there will always be the thoughts....i dont see for myself how its going to get easier, i miss her with every bit of my soul....I loved and adored my mom so much, its just a deep ache, not to make you sadder....she died of cancer also.....she didnt know she had it until an operation she had, and it progressed too fast....its so hard....hang in there hun....we are here :)

 

Comment by michael sandoval on January 26, 2011 at 8:06pm

I know the feeling of emptyness and the urge to just sleep. That urge to just has returned and my therapist says it's a sign of depression and that urge needs to be fought off. I've been trying to fight it but sometimes it wins. In the begining therapy seems weird to me, but realized I needed help. It didn't take long for me feel something even if it was minimal it was something I looked and still look forward to. Love to all of you

Comment by Shawna Shuler on January 26, 2011 at 7:17pm

Thanks Lynn for your comments, I wish sleepinjg didnt allow me to think but seems these days thats all I can do I never thought in a million years once we found out he had cancer that it would be this way we thought he would at least see our kids graduate but that wasnt the case.  In turn I am sorry for your loss everyone keeps telling me it will get better but reading everyones posts on here I can see I have a long long road ahead and the fact my kids are so young and at one point I will have to explain and relive it again one day when I have to tell them hurts more.  Jerry was my world and now he's gone I barely have anyone family and friends have moved on and I dont blame them.  I miss him so much and for me to cry this much seems so weird and un natural I was never this teary ever. Again thanks

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 26, 2011 at 6:46pm

I relate to not wanting to get out of bed, things dont seem too important, you want to get away from the pain....thats how I do it, by sleeping....its the only thing that helps.....so I dont have to THINK

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on January 26, 2011 at 6:45pm

I'm so sorry you are going through this Shawna, trust me I know how it feels...emptiness, loss, heartbreak....by the way we have the same last name, you just spell yours differently....I wish you peace through this difficult time hun, and we are all here for each other any time :)

 

Comment by Shawna Shuler on January 26, 2011 at 9:17am

Its been awhile since Ive written on here have just been so down that I havent felt like doing much hard for me to get out of bed at times even harder to leave the house.  I finally started therapy and its ok I guess I just dont even know why Im going, nothing anyone says or does makes it any easier that I lost my fiance.   Today seems especially hard Im not sure why I guess because its rainy and cool here and I woke up feeling especially lonely for Jerry.  Crying off and on trying not to let the kids see because they dont understand and that makes all of this worse trying to keep telling them daddy isnt coming home and so on.

Guy,

 I kknow what you mean when you say each passing day seem hollow and meaningless.  I feel the same way sometimes all of this just seem unreal, feel like Im in a bad nightmare and I cant wake up

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