Don't grieve alone; 14,000 members and growing
This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.
Members: 632
Latest Activity: Jun 13, 2022
Started by Shane Hughes Apr 16, 2020.
Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12, 2019.
Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.
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Barbara -
I am so sorry that your brother's wife is this way; it may be the only way she can bear the loss - to push it out of her existence. But she is wrong to deprive her children of the memory of their father; and it will come back to bite her someday. But I am concerned about you- and how this anger might be eating you up inside and doing harm to you. If you can find a way to release and express and then let go of your anger, it will be better for you in the long run. I'm not saying don't be angry, because it's normal and natural and I'd probably feel the same way. I hope that you can get through this somehow. Big hugs.
Oh, Jeanne, I am so sorry. That sucks. I hope you recover soon. Do you have anyone at home to help you when you get there? Wow, both ankles, too. I'm so very sorry. I wonder if I was picking up your pain; yesterday I didn't think I'd ever stop crying. I finally closed up the house around 7:30, went back to my bedroom, took the medication I take to help me sleep (I have chronic insomnia related to fibromyalgia) and finally calmed down - probably from my meds. I did sleep. When I wake up in the mornings, I always feel like there's someone here with me - maybe not in my room, but here in the house. It's a feeling of comfort, not fear, and then I realize I'm alone and that always sucks.
Well, girl, you take it easy! As if you had a choice... do you knit? I'd be glad to send you up some yarn and some needles and an easy pattern... or maybe a book? Let me know if you need anything. I'm in Southern CA, but it's still CA! Take care.
Dear Jeanne -
Thank you. I'm having a harder time now that my daughter and her husband (I don't think I'll ever get used to that - 'her husband'!) have left. My whole family was there for the wedding, and everyone was at my mom and dad's Friday, Saturday for the wedding, and Sunday for brunch. I feel a bit overwhelmed, and now that everyone is gone back home, the quiet and loneliness are settling in again. It's hard to watch people with their loved one's hugging and holding hands, and while I'm happy for my brothers and my niece (who brought her husband and 9 month old son - what a cutie pie!), I'm still in that rut of my own. It just keeps on coming back up - that wave like a surge of sadness that comes and washes me back out to sea. I start teaching tomorrow (I teach part time in a graduate program at a local university) and as much as I love teaching, I find myself wishing I hadn't made this commitment, as I would much rather take a few weeks off and just travel wherever I want; maybe I'm trying to escape or run away, although I am well aware that this pain is something that I cannot escape, but must go through to get to the other side of it. People live, and then they die. I always knew on some level I would outlive my Don, but I just wasn't ready for it now. As glad as I am that he is not suffering any more, my heart just aches for him. I don't want to be held or hugged or touched by just anyone; I want it to be him. I cannot imagine myself ever being with anyone else, although I know many people go on to have new, loving relationships. I don't see that for myself; I don't think I'd ever find anyone who would measure up to Don. He was just the best that there was. I know that everyone who misses someone feels that way about their own special someone. I think one of the things that is hard is that people see me doing better, and then if I'm sad again, or mourning, they seem to wonder why I'm "going backwards." I don't feel a need to apologize or explain it; I just want to be able to have my feelings and not have to apologize. I'm a little upset with my brothers right now about some family issues and not be heard, and the expectations that they seem to putting on me right now. But that's just family stuff, and actually, I'm kind of beyond caring right now how they see me or don't see me. Anyway, thanks for the kind words re: my daughter and her husband, and your support. I hope you have a wonderful trip with "the girls." You are so lucky to have a sister! I'd love to take a trip with my sister in law and my mom; my mom could really use a break from taking care of my dad, but she won't leave him. Oh well. I just hope she doesn't collapse from exhaustion. Thanks again.
Oh Cynthia what a handsome couple. They look so happy together. I am so glad you got through it. I know it had to be difficult. Now take some time for you and relax a little if you can.
I flew into Lake Tahoe yesterday with my sister and sister in law for a week. We are in San Francisco tonight as we picked up my niece who was here for a convention and are bringing her back to Tahoe with us. I have been in Tahoe on vc with my husband and SF back in 88. Today we did the Muir woods, golden gate bridge ride and went to The Cliffs restaurant. Tomorrow we are sailing over to Alcatraz. All of those things my husband and I did before and it is a little tough but you get through it. I am the only one that has been here before so it is all new to everyone else and fun to see their excitement. Looking forward to get back to Tahoe and make some new memories. Got to stop living in the past, but always remembering how wonderful all those times were. I had the time of my life...
Congrats on getting through your daughters big day and hang in there!!!!
Natalie -
Have you tried to see a therapist who can help you learn to deal with your anxiety? There is a lot you can learn to do to manage your symptoms. There are some good medications, and some antidepressants help more with anxiety than do others. Celexa is more for depression than it is for anxiety. And it isn't unusual to have a negative reaction to one antidepressant, but be okay on another. The chemistry is different with each one, and how it affects each individual. You need to talk to a psychiatrist about this; not a family doctor or someone who doesn't specialize in psychotropic meds. There are also some good books on how to deal with anxiety; you just have to look and find one that looks like it will help you. Please don't give up on medications; there are some good ones. I had to really work to get my husband to finally try antidepressants, and when he did, he discovered that it helped his anxiety! He was on Lexipro. Lexipro is more on the anxiety end of the spectrum; some treat only depression, some more anxiety, and you just have to be willing to try and see what works for you. That and a really good shrink. And a really good therapist! Anxiety has a strong genetic link, and if you have have it most of your life it is most likely biological, and not just due to life events. Good luck.
Cynthia
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