Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Lost Dad to Lung Cancer

Started by Shane Hughes Apr 16, 2020.

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 11 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12, 2019.

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

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Comment by Barbra Ingrassia Fairman on October 5, 2011 at 6:43am
Crystal I am praying for you and your family with all my might.
Comment by anna l. on October 5, 2011 at 12:45am

Crystal, I am soo sorry this is happening. I have no answers to your questions, but I hear the fear, frustration and confusion in your post.  I will send prayers for you and your uncle and hope whatever happens is as gentle as possible.  Hugs to you all.

 

Comment by Crystal (BluSkyy) on October 5, 2011 at 12:30am

i just foundout today that my uncle Joe has cancer in his liver the doc found spots on his liver 4 days ago and this morning they did the test on his liver and some how the surgeon made a mistake and punture something in his stomach and now he is bleeding very bad inside and before they foundout he was bleeding inside he had a heart attack and code blue was call around 4pm and they had 2 bring him back and then 10 mins later he flat line again and they  brough him back. He is not breathing on his own he is on life support and the doc said my uncle in on so many different bp meds just to keep a bp on him. Everything was okay yesterday but after he had that liver test done everything went wrong. I just lost my grandma in august thats what brough me to this website and now a month and 2weeks later my uncle is fighting for his life right now in the same hospital, same floor, and same unit that my gramz was on. His room is just 2 rooms down from my gramz room. Why is God doing this for? Why is everyone in my family dying.. my uncle is only 51 and he was okay before his liver test. I know if he didnt get this test done his liver cancer would of got worst but why did the surgeon mess up and punture something and now he is bleeding bad inside and he had a heart attack.. why is god taking my family members so fast like this.. i lost to many already and i dont know how much more of this i can take.. ima just praying my uncle pulls thru but the ICU doctor told me on scale from 1-10  10 being dead my uncle is at a 8 or 9 and there still trying to get him stable.. Please everyone pray for him, I will write an update later..

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on October 4, 2011 at 8:36pm
Judy - thank you for posting this.  I can't imagine ever being with anyone else either because my Don was my soul mate, as corny as that may sound... but we were just on the same plane, and no one would ever get me as he did, and he was just such a wonderful man... he gave so much of himself to me, and I to him; I could go on and on about him, but you get the idea.  I'm sorry for your loss, also.  And they were only 4 days apart.
Comment by Judy Winchenbaugh on October 4, 2011 at 7:16pm

Dear Jan- I also understand how you feel,  November 16th will be one year since my husband died of lung cancer.  Some days are so lonely.  I agree with Cynthia-antidepressants really help.  I think just going thru the motions are important, because after awhile those motions bring a sense of routine back into our lives.  I don't think meeting anyone else is important; I plan on being alone the rest of my life, and I am satisfied with that because I have had the love of my life, if only for a few years. I'd rather have had Paul's love for a short while then not at all.

Please Jan, listen to Cynthia's advice.  We have to keep going, and your experience can help others get thru this.  Please keep posting; and know that you are not alone if your grief.

Comment by Cynthia Horacek on October 4, 2011 at 3:10pm

Dear Jan -

I do truly understand how you feel.  November 12th will be one year since my husband died from rectal cancer and I have days where I question my purpose in still being here without him.  He was my life.  Although I have two grown daughters and two grandsons, I still feel I have no purpose.  My daughters are both married, and I know cognitively they will always need their mom, I am so alone and feel so lonely i often don't know what to do with myself.  I am just going through the motions, but somehow I keep going through them.  If you are not seeing a therapist, please find one!  It can be so helpful to have someone to talk this out with.  And antidepressants can help; if you are taking them and they're not helping, you need to talk to your doctor about a trying a different one.  That being said, if you are still here, as I am, I believe that there IS some purpose; I just don't know what it is yet.  Someday it will be revealed to us; hang in there.

Comment by Jan Duvenage on October 4, 2011 at 3:05pm
It has been a while since i posted on here as i get emotional everytime i write something about my beloved Margi. Monday the 3rd October would have been her 63rd birthday and was also her 2nd birthday no longer with us. This whole week has been emotional everyday for me as nearly every song they play has lyrics which reminds me of her. It feels like i am in a downward spiral and can't get out of this pit of depression, i know she would not want this for me , but i truly feel that i am alone now and that i serve no further function in society. She was all i ever wanted and loved and i have no interest in meeting anyone else. It is now nearly 2 years since her death from pancreatic cancer and it's just not getting any easier.
Comment by Cynthia Horacek on September 24, 2011 at 11:36pm

Dear Susan -

What you have offered to do for this friend is beyond the call of friendship.  If you decide to go through with being a caretaker for him, be sure you have a backup plan for yourself.  Caregivers, as you well know, need all the help and support they can get.  You seem to have had a run of bad luck with people who have cancer.  I can understand why you are physically sick from this; if I were your therapist, I would want to know what it is that you have to purge from your body that throwing up doing for you - I mean, what emotions are you swallowing that you need to get out?  But, I'm not your therapist, so I won't ask!  But I'd strongly recommend that you do find a good therapist who can be there for you while you are there for others.  I'm sorry if I've overstepped - but I can't help myself.  Good luck.

 

Comment by anna l. on September 24, 2011 at 9:40pm

Just another thing to tick me off.  For three years I wanted my husband to have more than yearly blood tests after they removed a huge chunk of his leg after the melanoma was discovered.  But no, that didnt happen.  We were told since the lymph nodes came back clear and they got clean margins after the second surgery the blood test was all that was necessary.  HA!!!!  look what that attitude got him!  In hindsight it is better Tom was unaware of the cancer and lived a full active life instead of all the surgeries and treatments he would have had and still wouldnt have lived longer, but here is what made me mad today.  Toms brother, who hasnt had any cancer to date is now going to have yearly scans as a precaution because their mother and now his brother died with this cancer.  Uggggggggg, it just makes me so angry I cant even be happy for him and his wife that they are getting what I begged, pleaded, and cried for 3 years ago.  On top of that I dont feel I can talk to anyone about it because my best friends are my grown children and that is their uncle so they will be happy for him.  I feel like such a jerk for feeling this way so today has just been an very very off day~!

 

Comment by Susan Z Z Wooten on September 22, 2011 at 10:25pm

I am especially sad tonight. My long time friend.....who I dated 27 yrs ago (we agreed after a year we were better as friends) told me tonight he has pancreatic cancer.  It has been a battle for several weeks, and now results are in.  There is no good prognosis for pancreatic cancer.  I cried so much and have a bucket beside my bed in case I throw up.  am sick with this.  He has no help except his mother and daughter. His dad died from pancreatic cancer last fall.....so I told him I would come to stay. 

I just lost my husband of 10 yrs to cancer in 2005 and then a fiance in 2009 of cancer also.  I am not too sure I am capable of this, but cannot imagine his poor mom or daughter handling this...just after his dad's death.  I need strength I am not sure I have/  and it is so sad....

 

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