Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

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Latest Activity: Jul 7

Discussion Forum

Lost Dad to Lung Cancer

Started by Shane Hughes Apr 16.

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 11 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12, 2019.

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

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Comment by dream moon JO B on July 7, 2020 at 2:27pm

i hate big c i do iv frindss had tretmnt delayd cpz of cov 19

coz of cov 19 thy will probly not evn mak it 

cnt evnhav a desent sendd off lk my nbor i cud not say gud by 2 coz of rstrisn 

loss frind 2 cov 19 cud not say gud by to her 

coz of restrisn

peppl dt

peppl dyin in hoplts or hospis alon coz vistrs reltivs not alod 2 go sea thm or say finall gud bys 

 i no im gona lozz lotss of frindss 2 big c coz of cov 19 delin tretment wish cud of beam savd

sorry if im rantin on i am 

Comment by St. Brigid on April 9, 2020 at 8:10pm

Rilke%20on%20sadness%20and%20solitude.html

I came across this online today. I find some of my days are best spent in this kind of quiet, sometimes sad and painful, but reflective thought. The pain reminds me that I loved--and that I still love--and I won't trade that love for even my darkest suffering. The whole experience of loss is teaching me how to grow as a human being; that's what David would want for me and the times I have to ask him for forgiveness for times I hurt him, his answer is for me to correct my errors and love on.

Comment by dream moon JO B on April 7, 2020 at 3:04pm

hi

joel ther is a few gay gropups on hear 

for

lgbs

thy is 

but evry 1 is welcim on hear 

sorry on yore loss

all u need to do is look it diffrnt foremss on hear it will lead u 2 stuff it will hlp u it will

Comment by Joel on April 7, 2020 at 10:18am
Hi all. I was just wondering if there is any other Gay Men Widows on this support Group. The death of my partner Gareth has almost been 3 years June this year. I’m still grieving. The grieve the 1st year was me just sad depressed lonely I had a friend stay with me the first two weeks after the funeral I really needed that. But then when he left to go home the reality sets in evan more the years daily and nightly the stages of grieve the guilt,Anger all off the stages come flooding in. Know one tells you how to cope with such a loss. Year went by with me just existing really. Gareth has 4 children from another relationship long time ago. So I focused on them fir almost a year plus I travelled back and fourth to Jamaica 3 -4 times somewhere we both went. It took my mind of the grieve. However I have found now after almost 3 years I was just running away from the truth the grieve. I do say to people I was still grieving but I needed go through this my way. The anniversary’s come and go quickly. I noticed I drank a lot more 3-4 times per week to get through the pain loneliness. Not good for your health I know but the alternative was anti depressants and I don’t like them. I would say if it gets too much for anyone to seek medical advice and try the medication as I do know it eases and helps the suffering. So cut long story short I’m a Gay Widow suffer with OCD. I feel I don’t have a future now as I feel I focused and gave all my energy to Gareth fir the 12 years we were together. I really don’t think I would be up for all that again. No way. And I know people say get out there enjoy your life he wouldn’t want you to be sad and Lonely and I understand that how every I really don’t want it. I have had feelings fir people don’t get me wrong do I know it can happen. I personally just don’t want to. I promote anyone if they do get a chance to have happiness again go for it. Anyway I think I’ve gone on enough hope you guys find your peace and happiness again. It’s only us that can do it. Yes support is great and that’s why I felt I needed to get on this group just in the end it comes down to us to get back on our feet and put one step in-front of the other easier said than done I know.
Comment by M Adams on April 6, 2020 at 10:38am

Thanks so much, St Brigid, for putting Surprised by Joy here, good to read it again, it’s really evocative of a particular kind of intensely passionate grief.  

Title made me think of a very different work by C.S. Lewis, also called Surprised by Joy, and that led me to recall another of his books, A Grief Observed, which he wrote after losing his beloved wife.  That book might be of interest to you, if you’re up to reading that sort of material — I found it helpful in my bereavement.  

Comment by St. Brigid on March 30, 2020 at 8:40am

Surprised by Joy

Surprised by joy—impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport—Oh! with whom
But Thee, long buried in the silent Tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind—
But how could I forget thee?—Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss!—That thought’s return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart’s best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.
Comment by Joe Kelly on March 29, 2020 at 7:31pm

St. Brigid,

Sorry for your loss.  I too feel so alone, sad, empty and lost.  I lost my darling wife over two years ago and as time goes by, I get worse.  I wait for death to be reunited with her in her realm and the sooner the better.  We spent all but the first 15 years of our life together, married at 19 for 48 years.  She gave me the most wonderful life a man can have.  I live in HELL now waiting.  We have 4 children and 8 grands and with this virus, I can't even visit for fear of getting them sick.  Our cemetery closed to visitors on March 21st. I had been going there every day since she passed over.  So here I sit alone with only calls from my children.  I'm grateful for the 17 years we spent as empty nesters and the last 8 years retired, together 24/7/365 joined at the hip.  We traveled a lot, golfed together often, and were like teen aged lovers.  All I do is suffer and wait for the cancer I think I have or this virus to come and get me and take me to her.

I'm sorry you had to find your way here but know you are not alone here.  We all feel the pain and share our feelings (mostly despair), so post often.  We don't judge here; we identify with each others feelings.

Joe   

Comment by St. Brigid on March 29, 2020 at 5:14pm

I just finished up everything with my once in a lifetime's friends estate. I spent two and half months in TX, a thousand miles away from friends and family dealing with it. Now, paperwork filed away, estate lawyer paid, bills taken care, it and his life is over. It is so final I couldn't be more devastated and alone. I try to call him several times a day like we always talked, but since I have his phone, all I hear is empty ringing across the house. Impossible to bear sometimes that he isn't going to call back.

I write in a small notebook my thoughts when I have them, my feelings when I feel them, but nothing has been coming to me in the past five days but pure utter despair. It is the worst it has been since I sent him off on Dec. 20th. I expected this to be harder when I got home than it was in his house in Texas but couldn't have anticipated this.

Now with the COVID-19 going around, the people I could turn to a month ago are now in such panic, such pain, such grief for the change in the world, that I have no one to turn to. Even my therapist can only talk about the virus. I am lost and alone. I think to call David who I didn't see for 13 years until I saw him in the ICU dying and sometimes I do call; since I have his cell here up and running for bill contacts, I will it hear it ring on the kitchen table and then I remember..Our twice or thrice a day phone chats are over and I can only hear his voice in my head.

I feel so alone. So sad. So empty. So lost.

Comment by dream moon JO B on March 25, 2020 at 5:00pm

hi

evry

1

still

hatee

big

c

now

hate

ths

evil

viris

we

got

now

Comment by Linda Engberg on August 23, 2019 at 5:32am

Hi Dream Moon,

I hate the big C also.

 

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