Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

Members: 608
Latest Activity: Jul 11

Discussion Forum

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 11 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12.

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

Still lost and broken 2 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Pamela philipp Jan 5, 2018.

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Comment by Linda Engberg on July 11, 2019 at 5:59am

Hi M Adams,

Thank you for your kindness. Each year on his birthday I plant a tree or bush in his memory. Yesterday I bought this plague for my garden.

Comment by M Adams on July 10, 2019 at 7:10pm

Linda, hope your day is uplifted by beautiful memories of celebrations you shared with Julian.  Do you have any special ritual or observance for his birthday?  Acknowledging such days is challenging for me, yet I do want to honour them.  

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 10, 2019 at 6:07am

Today is Julian's birthday. I miss him so much

Thanks for your post Morgan. You put into words what I have a hard time expressing.

Comment by morgan on July 9, 2019 at 10:47pm

Michael,  

Wish I had an answer to: "just how are we Widows and Widowers supposed to pick up the pieces. ? I am battling my emotions every day, the mood swings are awful.."

I am not sure if I am really picking up the pieces.  What I have done is practiced staying really really busy when my energy allows it.  For five plus years it was a daily if not hourly struggle. Crying every day sometimes several times a day.  Stumbling, fumbling my way through the necessary stuff I had to do.  Now I am in the sixth year and in the last couple months I have gotten better at functioning through a whole day without crying.  That now extends into a second day and once in a great while into a third.  I feel like my brain has become numbed by some drug it created internally to keep me alive because the crying was destroying me.  Its like my vision doesn't focus on the reality in front of me because my heart just wants release but because I am still breathing it is insisting that I do something to avoid thinking of him.  

I hate it.  As I work along I will then remember that I am alone and in that moment I know the only option to ever feel better is to die, because the other moments while I work I am figuratively unconscious.....  in outer space.....And in that moment I get angry that I am being forced to live longer.  I don't know why I am living longer and I really don't care about the reason because it doesn't make it any easier to keep living.  I pretend alot, I isolate alot and I still cry routinely.  Its how I cope.  And the isolation adds to my loneliness but I choose that over having to explain how devastated I am because inevitably the conversation leads to the big question.  Why are you doing what you are doing?  I can't talk about his death to this day.  When I have to, it makes me cry uncontrollably and that is in addition to to the times I cry because I miss him.  Its been very destructive.

Life is just not necessary for me to live anymore.  I hate being left behind. 

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 9, 2019 at 5:49am

JO,

I read this each morning but it does not help. I just struggle through each day.

Comment by M Adams on July 8, 2019 at 11:46pm

Michael, just wondered if you would ever be interested in something like a book club?  A friend of mine who is a widow joined one recently and getting together with people to talk about what they’ve all read seems to be helping her, not just the engagement in the book but meeting the people in the club.  Not that she is looking for a new husband but just connecting with people is helping her loneliness.  It is not a grief book club or anything like that, and I don’t think people there even know that she is bereaved, but it seems to be good for her.  She had been like me, having trouble focusing on reading after her husband’s death, but Now seems improved enough to read and discuss.  Don’t know if it would help you, but thought I’d mention it.

Comment by dream moon JO B on July 8, 2019 at 1:46pm

yep

linda

senetty of prey 

i get

or a versee i herd it a funrell im in nxt room waitin for u

or god willget room reddy fro u 

to day had bit of wobllcry to day but neededd to cry 

Comment by Linda Engberg on July 8, 2019 at 6:11am

Michael,

After 7 years I still remain lost and I know I will be until my Husband and I are together once again. As in the Serenity Prayer, God can not grant me serenity to accept things I cannot change. I just try to live each day.

Comment by Michael Thompson on July 8, 2019 at 5:50am

 I am at my wits end with loneliness.  Losing my wife in 2014 has taken away a certain confidence, and this happens to those left behind. Being married is much more than a ring, it is a friend, and companion, someone who knows you better than anybody else situation that you lose when one of you dies. This cannot be replaced. I am completely and utterly lost, and as such im at my wits end to know what to do to reverse things ???. I know it would be great for me to have a female companion, but I am not going looking. She and I met in passing in 1991, and it was instant, we met in a local bar, and she had just walked out on her second womanising husband after 18 years of married life. We hit it off famously, and we married in 1992, and I miss her. They say death is part of life, and of course it is. But just how are we Widows and Widowers supposed to pick up the pieces. ?. I am battling my emotions every day, the mood swings are awful..

Comment by dream moon JO B on May 13, 2019 at 3:00pm

thnx linda

its all thes in my hed

obesetyy is 1 of bigesttt 1s

yes i obesess

2 my diett is rubsishhh

big c runss in famlyy lookss lk bth sidess 

 

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Nancy is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
19 hours ago
G B is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
yesterday
Dennis C. replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"Amy, I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable. There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
Friday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
Thursday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
Thursday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
Wednesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
Wednesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
Tuesday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
Tuesday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
Tuesday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
Tuesday
Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Jul 15
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Jul 15
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Jul 15
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Jul 15

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