Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

Members: 606
Latest Activity: Jan 21

Discussion Forum

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 7 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by Ginger Apr 17, 2018.

Still lost and broken 2 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Pamela philipp Jan 5, 2018.

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Comment by ALEXIS on October 29, 2018 at 1:02am
Hi Michael,

I can definitely relate to feeling lost. It has been a little over 2 months since I lost my husband to complications from treatment for acute myeloid leukemia. I mostly feel numb and like a part of me is missing. I go to work, have added new things to my schedule as I am no longer spending most of my free time in doctors offices or hospitals but through all of it I just feel alone. I wish I could offer something that would make this better or a coping skill that could take away this horrible feeling but I can't. For myself I am trying to acknowledge how big a hole has been ripped into the fabric of my life. Just focusing on breathing through those awful moments of awareness and then picking myself up again and trying to go on. What I didn't realize is how exhausting this is. I don't think I have ever felt more tired in my life. Sending you good wishes.
Alexis
Comment by morgan on October 28, 2018 at 11:58pm

I think I can only add to this conversation by saying I am feeling so worn out.  So tired.  I have only enough energy everyday to do what I HAVE to do and find no joy in any any of it.  I guess you could say I am living in the past but the way I look at it is that I want to join my husband and he no longer lives here.  Am I busy?  Constantly.  Do I have longer periods without the excruciating meltdowns that have compromised my immune system?  Yes.  Does it matter?  No, none of it.
Why?  Because I cant live pretending that this reality is somehow fulfilling.  I had what I wanted.  I no longer need what is presented to me.  
I feel forced to continue living.  I am caring for a good friend to bring him back from the brink...I have restored three of four houses I bought doing so much with so little by being super creative.  But for what?  So i can pay bills.  Making money to pay bills.......when I used to do that I found a sense of self satisfaction, of challenge, joy, sharing with my husband every victory in turning trash to treasure.  Now I am empty.  No other reason to do this other than paying bills.
I don't really see an end to this futility of trying to rebuild the person who will find reason to live a full, happy life.  I have tried all the ways I know how and without my beloved I am not seeing any purpose.  Just tired of moving through space without him.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 3:35pm

Hi Michael

I can relate to everything you said. Lost my Husband to colon cancer in 2013 and have never been the same. I am half a person just wandering lost in this world. 

Comment by Michael Thompson on October 28, 2018 at 9:26am

Hi everyone, I cannot believe how fast time flies.  I lost my wife to bowel cancer in 2014, we were married 22 years.  I miss our rapport.  I miss the subtleties that come with marriage.  The interaction.  The stability.  I am a widower.  I feel lost.   I am empty.  I am desperately searching for answers to make some kind of sense of it all.   I realise anybody reading this will relate.  I look forward to all responses.

Comment by Linda Engberg on October 28, 2018 at 7:13am

Hi Marilea,

So sorry for loss. It has been almost 6 years since I lost my Husband, I still think of him everyday. I will be honest with you and tell my grief is always with me. Time doesn't take the grief away but I am able to not function like a zombie anymore. Pray for the best for you.

Comment by Marilea on October 27, 2018 at 4:31pm
Hello everyone.
I'm new on this site and hope it will help with the greif.first let me say how sorry I am that each and everyone of you has lost a loved one to cancer.
My dad was diagnosed with liver cancer in October 2017 and passed away February 2018.
I was a huge daddy's girl for all of my 57 years of life. I miss him so much. Every minute of every day. I cry often and feel depressed at times. I live in Az and dont know if any of you live in my state to where we could meet and help with the grief.
It's very overwhelming most of the time.
Comment by Geri on September 17, 2018 at 3:44am

Hi Everyone,

This Friday 21st September will be our 27th wedding anniversary. It is my first without my husband and I've noticed my anxiety peaking and I'm back to waking every hour. Has anyone got any advice of how to cope with all the firsts? I'm trying to do one day at a time but struggling with thoughts of Christmas and his birthday.

I miss him with such a heaviness and longing in my heart that I am unable to breathe when I cry now. I feel grief is taking me backwards where I'm questioning, bargaining and reverting to being angry again. Still questioning my purpose, why him and not me.

Comment by Linda Engberg on September 16, 2018 at 3:02pm

Hi Pamela,

So sorry about the lost of your Husband, it has been 5 years and to be truthful things are not any better. We were very close, he was my rock, now I am nothing.

Comment by Suzy Tatz on September 16, 2018 at 1:43pm

I am new to this. I lost my dad June 7 2018 to lung cancer and my fiancé on Aug. 6. 2018 to colon cancer. I was caretaker to both and now I can’t stand being in my own skin. I have the panic feelings when I am alone. So I have been self destructive. John , my fiancé, was not a drinker so I rarely drank, now I am drunk every night, I have been sleeping with his best friend and I am just a mess. I miss them both so much but John was my true soulmate. Did anyone else go down this road? How do you get out of it. Everyone tells me I m the strongest person they know, I don’t feel it right now. I can’t get myself to just feel. I have no clue who I am because the last 6 years was all about John. 

Comment by Pamela philipp on September 13, 2018 at 2:30pm

tomorrow September 14th 2018 will be three years since I lost my husband and I feel just as lost and broken as I did the day he left I miss him so much life is so empty without him no amount of time will ever ease the heartbreak I feel every day I still cry myself to sleep every night I am alone and I just don't understand why I'm still here as more time goes by the more I don't want to be here  

 

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joe kelly replied to Jade Rogers's discussion Hi!
"Dear Jade, I wish I had some advice for you because when I sign in, I notice that you often sign in I guess to check if anything new has been posted.  Being lonely after losing your Love after so many years together is a major part of all who…"
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Holly Baldwin is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
Saturday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
Saturday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
Saturday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
Friday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
Friday
P updated their profile
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
Friday
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