Losing Someone to Cancer

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Losing Someone to Cancer

This is for anyone who has lost somone to cancer. I lost my adopted Mom to breast cancer some years ago. She was everything I could have asked for. She loved me because I was just me. She also loved my family and children as if they were her own.

Members: 609
Latest Activity: Aug 23, 2019

Discussion Forum

I feel worse 2 and a half years on, than I ever did. 11 Replies

Started by Michael Thompson. Last reply by morgan May 12, 2019.

Give yourself time to heal

Started by Felicia Evans May 8, 2018.

Still lost and broken 2 Replies

Started by Pamela philipp. Last reply by Pamela philipp Jan 5, 2018.

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Comment by Debbie S on June 7, 2012 at 1:18am

Here it is 1:15am and another sleepless night. I lay here and think of all the happy times we shared but the tears keep flowing. I have never had someone I loved so much pass away before. So confused and lost.

 

Comment by Mary M. on June 6, 2012 at 11:09pm

Debbie, I can relate, I have also had trouble sleeping and have to make myself leave the house to do what I have to do.  My family seems to think I should be able to get on with living but somehow I can't.  My friends have been very supportive but I feel guilty calling them or crying on their shoulders whenever they come by.  So far I have been unable to locate a grief support group in my area .. just keep being told they will start again in the fall.  I am here for you if you want to talk.  

Comment by Debbie S on June 6, 2012 at 10:31pm

Karen, I'm sorry for your loss but you comment about Debra's helps me so much. My soulmate passed away just 3 months ago. Like you said my grief has gotten worse. I find myself so lost and missing him more everyday. I still can't sleep at night and don't want to leave my house. I am tired of hearing peoole telling me time heals or I know how you feel. I'm sorry but if you haven't lost the love of your life..... then no you don't know. I've been looking for a greif support that gets together. I feel like my friends get tired of me crying to them. Just so lonely now.

Comment by Kim Phillips on June 6, 2012 at 8:11pm

I just don't know how much one person can take.  I lost my grandmother a year ago, my best friend/soulmate 3 weeks ago and now my aunt has a few months to live.  Cancer is such a monster.  People dump all this money into cancer society and still...... people are dying at high rates of cancer. 

 

Comment by michael sandoval on June 2, 2012 at 11:04am

Dear Maura,

It's been alsmot 3 years for me and it absolutely does not get easier or better.  We just learn to deal with it.  I still cry, I still get flashbacks, I still tear up at anytime when i hear that song, or pass our favorite spot, or think of something special we did.  I miss my Denise, life will never be the same.

Comment by joni on June 1, 2012 at 8:19pm
Hi all.... To Karen w , yes you are right! My husband loved life to the fullest... And for would want me to live fully...and I know I will go through this process with everyone's help here and Gods help .....thank you .....love hugs and prayers ,joni
Comment by Karen Waldrop on May 31, 2012 at 10:14pm

Debra, I believe it was you who said that you experienced the worst grief after the 3rd month. I have found that my grief worsened in the 3rd + months as well. I think that is because that is the time that the people that had surrounded you with outpourings of support go back to their normal routines, you have finished up taking care of the business of death, and all you are left with are your feelings. You are right, the numbness wears off. The reality of your new life sets in and leaves you with overwhelming feelings of lonliness and loss. At times it is very difficult to get past these feelings. It would be very easy to stay in bed, to not face the days. However, each day that I wake up, I think about the gifts that my husband left me, and there are many, but none more precious than my sons. Those things drive me to continue to move forward, to make the most of the life that I have left and encourage my boys to do the same. I owe it to them. I do believe that each day will continue that each day will continue to get better and easier to deal with. My husband will always be a part of my life, the love of my life, but it will get better. 

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 9:14pm

Hi Anna, its funny to hear someone talk about hockey, let alone know what it is down here in Louisiana.  Don't know how I'm going to sell those snow shoes or skis here!  Yeah, its great to think about the routines we created with our soul mates; Friday night dinners, tail gating on the back of the pickup, (with my own queen stadium chair), Sunday morning breakfast, eggs and hash; its really refreshing to hear your story too!  Good for you, don't forget the good feelings it brought. 

Comment by anna l. on May 31, 2012 at 8:53pm

Jeanne you are so right.  My last meltdown was last night while on the phone with a dear long distance friend.  My call waiting starting beeping and I said to my friend, I will call my sister back later.  If it is good news it will still be good news and if its bad, it wont get worse"  As the last words left my mouth I started to sob.  That is what my husband used to say when our grown children would ask where we where going for our weekend get-away.  We liked to Friday night just throw a few things in a bag and take off to a bigger city near us.  We would go out for dinner, take in a movie or hockey game, and spend the night in any number of nice motels.  It was our time.  No distractions.  Just writing this has started the tears.  I miss him and our time together so much.  I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea I have to live without him. 

Comment by Maura Simms on May 31, 2012 at 8:12pm

Thank you so much Jeanne Potter; I hear you!  I hope we get to a better place together!

 

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bluebird and Martee are now friends
6 hours ago
bluebird replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Martee, I am so sorry you are also in this hell. I really have no hopeful words to offer; for me, any meaningful life ended when my husband died. I didn't survive, my body just hasn't died yet. There is no joy in life anymore, for me. That…"
6 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re doing things we did together I was thinking more of making piecrust with my mom, or the right way to chop vegetables, or starting plants from cuttings, not anything like vacation travel.  When my husband died several people, including…"
7 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I think that people look too hard to find some thing very big. That something that makes you happy could just be a doughnut. When you are taking baby steps it's just a matter of getting from the chair to the couch. That's what I…"
9 hours ago
Sue M commented on Kar's group Missing my Son or Daughter
"Hello mommas  Nice to have your words and well wishes here. We all know this journey all too well. There are days u dread as well, and on those days we all have, we just need to be very gentle with ourselves. That's something I'm…"
12 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Re baby steps, one thing that has helped me is doing things that we did together, or learning to do things that she did.  It might sound sad or even heartbreaking, to do those things alone, and if it feels that way it’s not the right…"
12 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you said it perfectly and you actually helped me also God bless you and your little dog and everyone of us here it’s always nice to know that we still keep in touch after almost 5 years"
18 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Day by day. Minute by minute. Find something, anything that makes you happy and focus on it. For me it's my dog. When she is gone I will focus on something else. It could be anything. If that doesn't work, do it for your mom. Carry on for…"
18 hours ago
Luna Nightshade replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"For me it now has been three years ... three years and four months. I survived first by distracting myself from it, thrust into work and no time to think, it would only come back at evenings and nights to haunt me ... I guess what helped me was…"
yesterday
Martee replied to bluebird's discussion My husband died, and I will never want to live without him.
"Bluebird, so sorry for you loss,your posts spoke my feelings exactly on grief and pain of living. Can you please let me know how you survived all these years. Its been just over 2 weeks and each day is an eternity for me I hope I don’t…"
yesterday
Martee posted a status
"I don’t want this..."
yesterday
Martee posted a status
"Today I have been walking as a lifeless, joyless, husk for 2 weeks and 4 days. My beautiful, loving husband is gone...."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes it’s almost five and I’m still so very sad "
yesterday
Casey commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"it has been almost 6 years (my mom passed away on Feb 18, 2014) since my mom (56-year-old) passed way, it still feels like yesterday..I can't believe it..anyone here whos still here after all these years?"
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Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, I am looking for the same light at the end of the tunnel.  I feel the same way about my dog he is a Labrador and its so so difficult to see him limp or have a bad day, he takes meds, I just want him to be comfortable.  I say to…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brenda, I rely on my faith so much, but I realized a long time ago that there won't be a magic moment where an angel comes down and tells me that everything will be okay. I'm not criticizing God. I just realize that this is something that…"
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Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I'm having a lot of trouble getting Krissy to eat. She has diabetes and she has a very limited diet as it is. She can only eat prescription dog food. I switched to the wet version and she was eating up, and now it's the same as before. My…"
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Katherine A Pericas Geersten replied to Katherine A Pericas Geersten's discussion Hello, a little bit about me.
"Thank you Mrs. Crawford, it means a lot to be hearing from someone else who understands. "
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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....
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