trying to cope with the sudden loss of my big brother and also my mom as well

When i was 21 i just had my first child,, and then i suddenly lost my mom due to a horrific crime/murder. I didnt want to deal with the loss i couldnt accept it. So i kept very busy and took the responsibility of takin care of my moms belongings her apt, her funeral, then i had to of course go to all the court hearings to make sure this person got what he deserved, all the while taking care of my baby then a yr and half later i had another child. Long story short i really didnt grasp the fact that my mom was gone till 10 yrs later. i couldnt talk about her i couldnt talk about memories etc. When i guess u would call have my break through i lost it, everything that i had buried away came out the hate the anger the sadness and loneliness.

This brought me and my brother closer for the most part and of course we had our arguements and at times couldnt stand being in the same room with one another but when one of us was in need we were always there for each other.

 

My brother and i are dwarfs and also have spinalstenosis and weak muscle strength in our legs,, for the fact that we are dwarfs our body ages faster. My brother had broke his back and had to have multiple surgeries. Near the end he found out he should have atleast 6 more on different areas of his body. He was on alot of medicine for different reasons and we have just recently learned that some he shouldnt have been takin together and this is the reason why he was taking from me. He passed away 4 months ago suddenly in the middle of the night and its been soo hard on me cuz now i feel its just me left. yes my dad is still alive and i have other family but we arent as close and the ones that im close with live 3000 miles away. my brother was married and has 4 children and since his passing things has changed bigtime with me and them. I miss him so much. I have good days and i have really bad days.

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