My youngest sister was a 25-year old Cystic Fibrosis patient. After two years waiting for a double-lung transplant, she got the call in December 2012, and underwent the surgery. However, her particular situation caused her to be on certain post-op medications longer than usual, and along with a nasty lurking rhino virus and a bout with septic shock, her new lungs became as damaged as her original lungs. My sister bravely and beautifully fought her way back to relative health as she awaited her second double-lung transplant. She basically lived at the hospital (along with our mom, her fiance, and two of our brothers) doing daily rehab, gaining back the weight she'd lost early in her recovery, making little crafts and jewelry and pieces of art for people, reaching out to people all over the world via facebook and her own blog.

This all suddenly changed in early June of last year, when she had a terrible reaction to a procedure... and (to make a long story short) within a week she spiraled downward. They tried several treatments, and finally one last outside-the-box option, basically a last ditch effort to turn things around. She spent several days in an induced coma; her numbers would look worse one reading, then better the next, and back and forth. She fought her last good fight with all of our family at her side, sitting with her, reading and singing to her, holding her hand, talking to her--until her numbers took a clear and apparently irreversible turn. She died the morning of June 17, with all of us gathered around her, singing her favorite songs, telling favorite stories, and holding her as she slipped away. She was one week shy of her 26th birthday.

She's no longer struggling, fighting, battling her own body and the cruelness that the beastly Cystic Fibrosis caused her. When I see butterflies, pink sunrises and sunsets, a bright blue sky, pink flowers, I think of her... she reveled in Nature, and pink was her signature color. She will never marry the love of her life and dance at their wedding--a dream onto which she long held. She will never travel to the places she longed to experience. She will not see her nephews and niece--all who she ADORED--grow up; and they will grow-up without her beautiful, loving presence in their lives. From the time she was a small child, she did everything that was ever medically asked of her. And she did so much more--so many extra things to maintain her health. She gave 150% to staying here, to loving others, to spreading peace and joy. She was Love.

I never, for one second, believed that she wouldn't make it home with new lungs and a new life ahead (at least for a while)... not until that mid-June morning when our dad came out into the waiting room--after a long night's vigil by her side--and said that her readings were definitively irreversible. This isn't how it was supposedly to be...

I used to adhere to the idea that if you believe in something, if you work hard, if you give it your all--you will overcome, you make it happen. It turns out that is not always true; and it certainly wasn't true for the one person I've ever known who deserved it the most... and I am heartbroken.

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Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I just feel like I am in a fog.  I have a little dog that is at least ten years old.  She adored my Mom & she has really grieved for her.  I know how you feel about your dog.  I worry about her.  She is all I have. …"
3 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too Brett, I sit here an look at my 12 year old Labrador and I know he is on borrowed time, and my heart breaks, losing him will be something that I am not looking forward to. As you said Brett, we have the live our lives until we are called…"
5 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Yes, I was looking at something that popped up on my Yahoo news feed. It was an article naming 106 celebrities who have passed away in 2019. So many names and faces that I remembered. Now they are gone, and they aren't coming back. Their time…"
11 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett so true she was my security blanket I feel like I have no one to lean on that understood me like her You know what keeps coming in my mind. How true it is and scary that everything has a beginning and an end."
13 hours ago
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I hear it all the time you don’t know how lucky you were that your mother wasn’t sick and you didn’t have to take care of her I say to them lucky I was lucky that my mother died and I was not right by her side to tell her I love…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, the problem is that our security blankets were ripped away. Like you, sometimes I am glad to be sad. I feel like I am closer to my mom when I am crying. At least, her memory is fresher with me when I am in that zone. I feel like the hard reality…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, millions, billions of people have lost their moms. Sometimes someone will tell me that they have lost their mom, too, but they were able to deal with it, and they wonder why I haven't dealt with it as well. This may sound like an…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Me too ...I was sitting marking a paper yesterday and suddenly realized that I can’t see or talk to my mother about this or anything else and the tears came.  But I’m glad to think of her, in a way I can be glad to be sad sometimes.…"
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I sometimes will just be sitting down and I start to cry because I keep thinking I miss my mom so much my whole world is just not the same I think that I’ve become a different person it will be four years and I still cry I can’t put into…"
yesterday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Definitely a colder world now.  I like the image of the security blanket — like, as we go forward, we will always keep it but eventually may be able to wash it, fold it nicely, and put it in some place of honour close at hand but without…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"The world just became a colder place when my mom died. I just remember feeling like all was right with the world when my mom was in the next room. "
yesterday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is such a traumatic event, especially when you have had a wonderful Mom.  It is so hard knowing she is gone.  Knowing this is permanent.  There is no one that can fill the void she left.  My brother was close to Mom, but he…"
yesterday
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Tuesday
Amy replied to Amy's discussion How do I get unstuck?
"I am not a believer and nor was he. We covered the bases just incase though. We were both raised Catholic. That is all besides the point though. "
Tuesday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"While I never forget that my mom is gone, for some reason it just hits me over the head sometimes. Just out of the blue I'll be like, "Mom is gone." It's horrible. It's ever present. And the thing is that it is always with…"
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"My Mom also.  I could always talk to her about anything & knew she was someone I could totally trust.  I am constantly thinking of something I want to share with her & then I remember she is gone.  I loved spending time with…"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"There is no doubt that it is anxiety. In fact, I think we are experiencing fight or flight. Since birth my mom had been my security blanket."
Monday
Sue Toler commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"It is still numbing to think my Mom is gone & I can't talk to her or see her again.  I lost part of me when she passed.  Someone said the restless feelings I have are really anxiety.  Daily crying is part of my life. …"
Monday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"I would rather cry on the outside than on the inside. Crying on the outside is a release. I am really tired of being sad. I'm also tired of being scared. Life without my mom still seems like a scary proposition. All we can do is to continue to…"
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