About 2 months ago I lost my best friend to an accidental overdose. It was by far the worst day of my life. I was next door when his ex girlfriend called my phone from his. She had went to hang out with him because they were still on friendly terms. She told me he wouldn't wake up. I was a certified lifeguard and so I guess that's why she called me, because she knew I knew CPR. I've never ran so fast in my life but I ran over there and after jumping the cement wall that separated the two yards, it seemed like everything was happening in slow motion. I walked into his bedroom and the light was turned off. When I turned it on I knew deep down that this was much worse than I could've imagined. He was pale and cold to the touch, his eyes we Re black around the rims. I shook him and yelled his name. I felt for a pulse and all I could hear was my own heart pounding out of my chest. I grabbed water and threw it on his chest and neck, he didn't move. I kept yelling his name as I Bagan chest compressions. I couldn't get his jaw opened and I cut my hand on his teeth when I forced it. The rescue breaths didn't work, he was girgling. We called for help but they couldn't understand her so I ran to get his roommate and his neighbor. His neighbor ran to the police station. When I heard the sirens I ran outside and collapsed on the yard. One of his good friends was the EMT who answered the call... I watched in horror as his friends all gathered to carry him out on a backboard because the stretcher couldn't fit through the door. They did not have the oxygen bag on his face. I knew in my heart he was gone. It took almost a month after he passed for his family to finally admit to anyone that it was from heroin. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop crying or seeing him like that in my head... I'm sorry that was graphic but I need to talk to anyone about it.. it's killing me inside and I don't know what to do.. Thank you for your time..
I am so sorry you had to go through that experience :(
I am haunted by the fact that my mother in law had to go through the same. She found her son, who I was separated from at the time, dead in his apartment from a fentynal laced overdose. She called me from the scene and if you can imagine that you would understand how it plays through my head even a year and a half later. I feel so guilty that it was her and not me that found him like that. I had gone there the night before because nobody had heard from him in a few days, and I rang the door bell and knocked but got no answer. So I went home. In the morning when she got there she had called a locksmith to meet her but it wasn't needed. The door was unlocked. When I heard that my heart just shattered. Because I knew that he would never leave the door unlocked when he was using, so someone must have been there and ran away when he od'd. And not called 911.
It's unfsthomable that someone could do that.
And then when we got the coroners report it listed the date of death as the day I had gone there. My knees went out from under me. I felt..well I can't even put into words how I felt. Definitely the biggest "what if" moment of my life. We have 3 kids together. And now they don't have a dad. It took me a year to tell them how he really died. It's definitely not how a family is supposed to end up. But at least we have each other. And his mom has her grandkids to keep his memories alive. And there were good memories. Lots and lots of them. We were together 18 years. Unfortunately, sometimes addiction is stronger than love. It's so sad. That was the hardest thing for us all. That love didn't win in the end. And that he died alone. I don't know if I'll ever get over that guilt, but I know in my heart that I always have to put my kids first and so unfortunately that meant us being apart. He called me on the last day anyone heard from him and told me he was sorry and his last words to me were "I love you" so I have that to hold on to. I only wish I had said it back. Hopefully you find the support you need to get through this aweful thing. I'm here to listen if you need.
I am so sorry for your loss. The journey of caregiving is extremely difficult. The loss of our especially loved dear ones is unspeakable.
There are so many different ideas about what happens to us when we die. Religion teaches many different…"
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Cherie is now a member of Online Grief Support - A Social Community
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