Comment

Comment by Theresa on May 29, 2018 at 8:37am

Thank you Avi that I believe is very true 

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 29, 2018 at 8:36am

You are more than proficient with English. You have not developed the slang that we have.

I am glad you are here.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on May 29, 2018 at 8:31am

Bluebell I am from India and Hindi is my native language. I am proficient with English as well. 

Feels great to be here folks.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 29, 2018 at 8:17am

Thank you Avi. That was beautiful and a wonderful reminder that my Mom still exists but is on a different, new journey.

May I ask how many languages you speak? Please do not feel obligated to answer.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on May 29, 2018 at 7:58am

Theresa although i am sailing in the same boat as you but I want to tell one famous saying written in hindu religious book bhagvad gita which can be considered equivalent to bible.

In bhagvad gita lord krishna says that it is only body which leaves us when our loved one die and we should not mourn for the body. Body is just like clothes for the soul which are bound to be changed. The soul will start its next travel and wear some other clothes (body). We can continue loving our loved ones even after their new journey has started.

Although these lines are hard to implement in our lives and our ideal but we can be content that our loved ones are not dead and just have started a new journey

Comment by Theresa on May 29, 2018 at 4:55am

Avi, I'm so sorry.  I am glad you feel strong among us. 

Some of the closest people to me were the harshest towards me, telling me its not the end of the world because  your mom died and get over it.

I said to myself you'll see......

Comment by Avi on May 29, 2018 at 12:57am

Yes Brett. Regret is more strong than grief. I regret of not doing enough for my mother, not able to fully understand the disease. I was away with my parents for 6 years and I assume during those years the Cancer was developing in my mother's body but there were no symptoms. I returned to them in 2015 and then also did not analyze any specific symptoms and when I realized it was too late. 

She was a simple lady and totally dependent on me and oncologist for her treatment. Oncologist was always doing palliative treatment whereas I was positive of cure. But eventually Oncologist was right. 

Although I will live with regrets but I will fulfill few of her wishes which I never gave importance when she was alive. 

I feel strong among you guys because outside not many people will understand this grief and regret. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 28, 2018 at 11:50pm

Hurt is an understatement. It is worse than hurt. What it feels like to loose your Mom has no word or words that can adequately describe it.

Bluebell

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 28, 2018 at 11:38pm

Avi, to be such a religious person, I am the first to admit that I have no idea how God works. After I lost my mom I was trying to navigate through the stages of grief. There were a lot of them that I just didn't have. There was not denial. I knew my mom had died. I wan't mad at my mom for leaving me. She had no choice. I wasn't at all mad at God. But after my mom died I wondered why God wasn't more present. I don't know what I expected. I didn't expect a visit from Jesus or anything. I just thought that a feeling would come that I knew came specifically from God. I still haven't felt that. That was very hard in the early stages of my grief. I still don't know. I certainly believe in God but I just don't understand how he works. I'm trying to eliminate some things. I certainly don't think he's out to get me or mad at me, but I do wonder if there is a predetermined reason why my life has taken such a turn. Maybe I will figure it out someday. I hope so.

Regardless, I want you to know that I am in your corner. I know that you are in pain,. I now you miss your mom terribly. And I know that, if you are anything like the rest of us here, you have regrets. I'm sorry for that. I wish that none of us had regrets after loving someone so much. There is nothing in the world quite like a mom, and I don't know if anyone will ever love us like our mom's did. It is just so hard to let go and find acceptance of their death, and to find peace within ourselves. There is one thing I have learned about grief. It hurts. I mean, it really, really hurts.

Comment by Avi on May 28, 2018 at 10:58pm

Yes I agree Brett. Not sure if these things are pre-destined or are related to some unknown facts. My mother lived a very simple life but still got stomach cancer. 

But you are right. I hope God receives her and she is in peace and I meet her some day. 

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