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Comment by Martha on May 31, 2018 at 3:39pm

Brett, honored to have same name as your Mom.

To everyone here, only those of us whose mothers mean the world to us understand what we are going through. I do not discuss with anyone anymore. They do not understand.

It gives me comfort to see in my dreams my mother. You will see as time passes how it will happen to you.

Wishing you all strength.

Comment by BLUEBELL on May 31, 2018 at 3:16am

Avi

"The plans by destiny are cruel sometimes but acceptance is the key." I like this. Thank you for sharing it.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on May 31, 2018 at 1:39am

Brett, it is great that you were able to analyze the medicines properly and act as per the issues related to them. 

My mother was also on Diuretic but doctor never told me that it causes dehydration and it will be great to give some electrolyte supplements along with this Diuretic. This lead to her downfall on 02 May when she was admitted to hospital due to dehydration. 

I still regret of not asking more questions to the doctor when she was hospitalized on 02 May but now it is of no use. She started having issues in swallowing which made it difficult for her to drink more fluids. 

The plans by destiny are cruel sometimes but acceptance is the key. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 31, 2018 at 1:13am

Virginia, yes, I gave my mom lots of supplements. I do believe that they helped. I know they did. Mom was also on a diuretic and it was very important that she retain electrolytes. I originally graduated with a degree in History. When my mom was first diagnosed with cancer I went back to school to study Nutrition. It helped greatly but I could not keep her alive.

One of the reasons why I feel alone around other people is because they are not always empathetic. And yes, they have families. Theresa has mentioned this many times. They just do not know what this is like, or some people get through this so well because they have such a strong support system. I do not. That usually means a spouse and children.

You are right that our moms wanted to protect us. That's what moms do. My mom would not want me to abuse myself. In fact, she would be angry at me for the things that I say to myself now. She would be mad at me for moping the way that I do. My depression would frighten her. My mom was a fighter and she would not like that I am not fighting harder than I am. There comes a point when we realize that the best way to honor our moms is to live.

Avi, I sensed that you were male, but I didn't want to say that. I am frequently wrong. I congratulated a woman at the grocery store recently. I didn't know her. I pointed at her stomach. She said, "I'm not pregnant." I wanted to crawl under a rock.

Comment by Avi on May 31, 2018 at 1:03am

Virginia, Chemo is itself a pain. That is the problem with Cancer. 

The disease and the treatment both are terrible. 

I know you want to be with your mom and most probably same feeling is with all of us but the almighty has given you life for some reasons and it is worth. 

Comment by Virginia G on May 31, 2018 at 12:26am

Brett,

We probably feel alone with other people because we are thinking about how they have their families and are happy with their lives.  That’s how I feel anyway.  It’s hard for me to see families especially.

Thanks for caring, but I won’t be happy until I’m with her.  It’s just the way it is.  I always wanted to protect her and she wanted to protect me. I just can’t believe it.

Comment by Avi on May 31, 2018 at 12:15am

Hi Brett, I am a 31 years old male. 

Virginia, I guess you are feeling guilty which is not allowing you to do other things in life. I tell you there are lot of ways to overcome your regret, one of them is to feel that your mother would never want you to be like this. 

I felt the same feeling during the first few days after my mother's death but then I realized that if she can feel me or see me, she will feel bad watching me cry and feeling regretful. I hope this helps you. 

Comment by Virginia G on May 31, 2018 at 12:14am

Brett,

I wanted to be a nutritionist, was always reading about it and very interested in it.  Did you have your mother take any supplements for the cancer?  We went to a naturopathic doctor a few times.  I never really gave her the supplements, which is another big regret.  Just probiotics, vitamin d, and sometimes magnesium.  They always say not to give antioxidants with chemo.  We did a very low sugar diet in the beginning and both lost weight.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 31, 2018 at 12:12am

Virginia, as odd as this may sound, I often feel most alone when I am with other people. When you are alone, talk to your mom, or just think the words. Say everything you want to say. I worry about you. You think that you can't be happy without your mom. I'm not so sure that's true. I'm still climbing out of my pit as well, but I think there can be daylight. Don't give up, and don't give in to negative voices. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to a stranger or friend. We say things to ourselves that might get us punched in the face if we said those things to another person. Please don't be too critical of yourself. Give yourself a break. You deserve that.

Comment by Brett Bowman on May 31, 2018 at 12:03am

I'm a Nutritionist and I have been able to do a lot of things, but I can't touch anxiety with a 10 foot pole. Magnesium Citrate in a powdered form helps relax the body. A lot of adaptogens that are touted to relax the mind also give a boost of energy, which can be counter productive if you want to relax.

There comes a time when anti-anxiety medications can help, but they are a short term fix. Antidepressants can be very helpful for some. But I agree with Avi. Grief doesn't always turn into full blown depression. It did for me. I think it is a good idea to try holistic measures first. But there can come a point that a person needs help, and taking a medical route is sometimes the best option.

Avi, if you don't mind me asking, are you male or female? Strange question I know, but it's easy for me to recognize gender with American names. Avi is new to me. 

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