Information

I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 751
Latest Activity: Aug 13, 2023

Discussion Forum

Missing my identity 2 Replies

Started by silvia maria. Last reply by silvia maria Aug 5, 2022.

i need my mom

Started by dream moon JO B Aug 13, 2021.

I want my Mommy 1 Reply

Started by Lucinda. Last reply by dream moon JO B Apr 19, 2021.

Comment Wall

Comment

You need to be a member of I miss my Mom! to add comments!

Comment by Virginia G on June 4, 2018 at 2:30am

Has anyone read the book Hello from Heaven mentioned on the “after death experiences” tab or any books like that?

The authors are not psychics or mediums, nor is it about that.  It’s about signs from loved ones.

Comment by Avi on June 3, 2018 at 6:55pm

Yes Brett

Sometime you love so much to let them go.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 3, 2018 at 1:08pm

Before my mom went on Hospice, we had some really contentious months. I always wanted to call 911 every time I felt like Co2 was building up too high. It was easy for me to dial 911. It wasn't so easy for my mom. My mom had very small veins. They would do a blood-gas treatment on my mom, and it would hurt her. I could see the look on her face as they poked around for a vein. And then they would put her on a high setting on the Bi-Pap. She would be in for a long night. If they could get enough Co2 off of her they would switch her back to just oxygen. They would monitor her for a day or two and send her home. Those trips became more and more frequent. My mom hated it. She was just worn out. Her body was worn out. I wasn't giving her any say. She would go to the hospital and be used as a pin cushion. Everything was so invasive.

People would come to visit my mom at our house but they were not always prepared for what they would see. Some days she would be fine and could laugh with friends, other days it was all she could do to keep from falling asleep in her chair because of the Co2. And that was with using a Bi-Pap every night. One friend of hers really irritated me. He came too frequently. I appreciated his intentions but visits were hard for mom. They took a lot out of her. On more than one occasion my mom would fall asleep in her chair, sometimes right in the middle of a conversation with him. He would look at me and mouth, "What's going on?" Sometimes he would call me into another room and say, "Brett, do something!" I wanted to do something. I wanted to do everything. It wasn't about me though. My mom's feelings had to be taken into consideration.

On one of his last visits he convinced me to call 911. At the hospital, it wasn't the doctor who first said the word, "Hospice." Mom was in the ER. She was asleep. Her Co2 was so high that it couldn't even be measured. The doctor told me, "We should be able to bring it down, but haven't you noticed the pattern? We get your mom strong enough to go home, and then she is back in a week. It used to be a couple of months, and then weeks. Now, she will be coming back more frequently." I said, "Is my mom a candidate for Hospice?" He said, "YES!!" He felt sorry for her. I did, too. It has to be frustrating for a doctor sometimes. They see what's going on so much better than we do. They see the extremes that we are willing to go to to keep our loved ones alive, even to the point where it's not fair to the person that we love.

At home, that Bi-Pap was my biggest weapon to keep mom alive. Once she went on Hospice I knew there would be no more 911 calls. Every time I even suspected that her Co2 was becoming elevated, I would hook her up to that machine. It was going full blast the day that she died. I finally took it off of her in the last minutes to give her some peace. After she died, that machine looked very small. It was once so important. And in a matter of minutes I knew that we had just been throwing rocks at death. I looked at that machine and thought, "Useless." There was only so much that we could do. There comes a point when we have to let them rest in peace.

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 3, 2018 at 11:01am

I can understand your frustration Virginia. Patients in ICU are monitored so closely. I can't help but wonder if the ICU doctor would not have to look at your mom's medical records from that time to tell you for sure.

Comment by Janie m Snitko on June 3, 2018 at 10:23am

Everyone please realize that you are only human and you have done the best for your loved one that your knowledge allowed. It is always in God's hands.

Comment by Janie m Snitko on June 3, 2018 at 10:19am

Hi ! It will be a year on July third that I lost my mom. I talk to her everyday. She now comes to me in my dreams and reasures me of her love for me. I miss her and love her as much as the day she passed. Her passing has made me more attentive to my own mortality as I am 69. I hope to have everything prepared for my children as my mom did for me. May God bless you all and keep you healthy and happy!!

Comment by Avi on June 3, 2018 at 9:29am

Thats sad to know that the medical people working on a critical patient are unaware what happened. 

I hope you get your answers Virginia but frankly speaking I have stopped looking for answers now as the more I analyze, the more I paralyze myself.

Comment by Virginia G on June 3, 2018 at 7:43am

It’s not that I wanted her to be uncomfortable for my sake.  I am worried because I don’t know if the Bipap had been put back on, would she have gotten stronger and lived longer and been able to go back to high flow.  I think she was on 15 liters on the high flow.  That’s why I asked how high the bipap went.  When I recently talked to the ICU doctor, he said she was off and on the bipap.  I told him no, she was only on the bipap the first day or two.  So now I’m wondering if he even knew what was going on!

Comment by Avi on June 2, 2018 at 11:00pm

I agree with Brett. We sometimes become selfish because we want our Mom to be with us always. And they also get ready to live a painful life for our sake but not sure if it is worth. 

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 2, 2018 at 10:48pm

Virginia, I guess what I am trying to say is that maybe there was a way to keep our mom's alive even longer. But they deserved to live a happy life as well. My mom could have only been so happy living the way she was.

She may have even been willing to accept it for my sake. And that's what she would have been doing, living for her children's sake. My mom deserved to rest. She had given all that she could.

 

Members (751)

 
 
 

Latest Activity

Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Assumptions

An assumption is an unexamined belief: what is thought to be true without ever really realizing that we think in that way. For better or worse, understanding starts with entertaining the idea that something is true.  Truly profound thoughts generally come to light from the relaxation of these (flawed) assumptions.  This is where I find myself today...Perhaps, one of the more significant drivers to pushing down the loss and grief at the time of the accident, ignoring it and mindlessly walking…See More
Mar 13
Profile IconCari Jo Converse, Jennifer and James D. Thornsberry joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 13
Profile IconMarina Dsouza, Leah, Sandra M Aaron and 5 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Mar 5
esther joined HollowHeart's group
Thumbnail

Sibling Loss

This group is for anyone that has lost a brother or sister. Sibling loss is often minimized and people don't realize how devastating losing a sibling can be. I lost my older sister and my life will never be the same. She was my only sibling, I looked up to her, I went to her for everything. I lost my past, present and future. It is traumatic.See More
Mar 4
Speed Weasel posted a video

Sun Keeps Risin'

Provided to YouTube by The Orchard EnterprisesSun Keeps Risin' · Lissie · Elisabeth Corrin Maurus · Martin CraftMy Wild West℗ 2015 Lionboy RecordsReleased on...
Feb 26
Speed Weasel posted a blog post

Triggers Continue to Surface

Late February is a challenging time of year for me.  Jen’s birthday is the 23rd and serves as an annual reminder of all of the potential that was lost…Her’s (mainly), mine, the world’s honestly.  This year she would be 52…It is increasingly hard to imagine, through all of the iterations possible, what she could have become, what was to be her (significant) impact on the world.That being said, things, emotions, have largely settled down since I committed a potential version of what could have…See More
Feb 15
Michelle joined Gyla Lynn Darden's group
Thumbnail

Loss of a child In memory of my son or daughter

This group focuses on healing ourselves and each other over the death of a child and welcomes a Christian atmosphere to help with the healing process. I welcome all of those grieving.See More
Feb 8
Tammy McLaughlin and Rosie are now friends
Jan 30

© 2024   Created by Ninja.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service