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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

I miss my Mom 4 Replies

Started by Sun. Last reply by Michael Thompson Oct 28, 2018.

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Comment by Avi on June 11, 2018 at 1:48am

I agree with Crystal that when we are surrounded with people, the grief gets some relief and the next moment when we are alone it again encircles us. I also have similar experiences. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 11, 2018 at 1:28am

No worries Crystal. The keypads on phones can make it difficult to get everything perfect.

It is hard. Nothing could have prepared me for how I would feel after my Mom passed away. But it does get less intense and becomes more of a low hum instead of a million marching bands.

Bluebell

Comment by Crystal K on June 11, 2018 at 1:06am

Sorry for the typos. Using my phone. 

Comment by Crystal K on June 11, 2018 at 1:05am

Hey all, how are you guys doing? Havent checked in in awhile, been pretty busy with work.. Guess its a good thing cause then Im not thinking about my mom constantly.. I wonder, when do we become comfortable when we’re alone? I feel like when Im with friends or coworkers, I get the distraction I need.. but tge moment I walk into my house, the ferlings of anguish and grief just wash over me again.. I’ve gotten to the point where Im just trying to fill my days with anything. Theresa, I just read your post saying something similar. This is so hard. 

Comment by Avi on June 10, 2018 at 9:23pm

Great to hear that bluebell. 

Comment by BLUEBELL on June 10, 2018 at 6:35pm

The celebration of life went well. I even spoke a few words to the crowd. That was very hard because I do not like public speaking, but I was driven to do it. I had to tell the people what it was that I missed the most about my sister's husband. So I said, "What I miss about ****** is how much he loved my sister and enriched her life. That is what I miss the most."

If my Mom is not at peace because she wants to be here to help me, I do not want that for her.

Bluebell

Comment by Avi on June 10, 2018 at 12:31pm

Virginia, today I felt extreme guilt and was not able to prepare for an imp interview on tuesday. Guilt was mainly related to her care in the last 15 days where her disease was progressing.
So I respect your feelings and understand that sometimes you have such feelings

Comment by Brett Bowman on June 10, 2018 at 11:42am

Yeah, it's a hard thing when we feel this badly and people will even criticize the way we grieve. When I look back over the past two and a half years, I can probably say that I have gotten more bad advice than good. Though I will say that most of the bad advice was well intended. People just don't know what to say. First they have to understand how and what we feel. It's a rare thing to find someone who truly gets it.

I know for myself there came a time when I had to be my own advocate. I had to filter out the bad advice, even when it was coming from my own mind. Grief has forced me to punish myself. That is an undeserved trap that grieving people fall into. There is only one way that I know of to find daylight. We have to keep fighting for life. The sun is going to come up every day. Our moms are gone from here but we are still breathing. I used to say that happiness is a choice. Now, I am not entirely sure if that's true. I mean, I sure wouldn't choose to be unhappy. There's a lot at play here. Missing my mom is bad enough. An inner desire to punish myself is forcing even more grief on me. I have to break that cycle. If I really do choose to be happy I know that I am going to have to fight for it. Life, including my own will go on regardless. I'm going to ride this out until its natural conclusion. 

I choose to live, so I will take baby steps every day until I can walk again.

Comment by Virginia G on June 10, 2018 at 8:35am

Brett, 

why would your girlfriend say not to talk to your mother?  I don’t understand that.  I guess it’s a very personal part of grieving.  I feel bad when I don’t talk to her enough.  I don’t know what I’m doing.  I feel like I don’t even grieve right.  You talk about how your Mom was a constant companion and now there’s nothing.  It’s the same for me and I cannot live with it.  I can’t bear what happened to her, nothing makes sense, the guilt is tremendous, and I can’t live without her.  I know everyone is trying to be positive but it’s how I feel.  

Comment by Theresa on June 10, 2018 at 5:39am

Avi thats right, leave the soul be in peace..

I sometimes wonder if my anguish and pain is known by my mom, I would say no because she is a peace would God let here see her child in pain.

I know this if off the subject but I want to tell everyone, I will abbreviate it as much as possible    my brother after he came home from Viet Nam he was in the Marines, hitch hiked to Salt Lake City Utah he wasn't himself as you can imagine, I was only 5 years old.

However a guy on a motorcycle picked him up and to make a long story short the guy was making a U turn and wiped out and my brother was hit by three cars on the highway so hard his pants, shoes and socks came off, he landed on the shoulder he told me this he heard people talking he couldn't feel anything, but he said above his head he heard wings flapping, just to let you know he was very very close to our Grandmom who passed, he said the wings stayed above him until the ambulance came then he heard them getting further away.  True story........he almost died, but it wasn't his time.  I won't go on but you can imagine so sad.  I make him tell me the story because I know it was my grandmother who stayed with him until help came, I truly believe it.  Til this day my brother sees figures of deceased family, he said after mom died my dad was standing in his doorway and he said as fast as he was there he was gone.  None of us have seen mom yet.

 

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Virginia G replied to Pamela philipp's discussion Defeated
"I feel the same.  The website doesn’t help because we aren’t talking and around people in person.  That isn’t even enough when people are willing to talk and most don’t have time for me."
57 minutes ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"You are right. I became conditioned with my mom. Every health crisis that my mom would have was traumatic for me. And then there would be that ray of light. I would have mom safe at home once again. I developed some false hope. But as time passed…"
4 hours ago
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Baby steps is such a good metaphor — I think when we’ve been traumatized by terrible loss, many of us lose our resilience, and basically have to baby ourselves, setting very tiny goals and challenges, slowly working our way forward.…"
14 hours ago
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Theresa, it's hard for me to be positive about anything. I always feel like something bad is right around the corner. That's because every time I thought mom was safe and had cleared another hurdle, something else would go wrong. It's…"
yesterday
joe kelly commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"It's been a little bit since I shared but it seems like I'm just stuck, out of sync with everything included myself in a way.  It's been like one long endless day.  I don't know how to explain it even.  I'm…"
yesterday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, For some of us, we will always remain out of sync with the rest of world. We, like myself. live in our own universe."
yesterday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett you are right that is the "dark" side, it scares me too That is so great about the phone call from the directors at the center, that must have made you feel like a million bucks.   You are making a positive impact, I know…"
yesterday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, I actually looked up the EquoVox. I couldn't find an English link for it. I'll keep looking. I'm just really curious how it works. And I want you to make your own decisions. I just want you to be happy."
Saturday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"M, I'm half Catholic, and Theresa is 100% Catholic. This is a huge part of Catholicism. Ouiji boards just scare the crap out of me. I listened to a lecture series from a Vatican exorcists. There was a question and answer period. Someone asked…"
Saturday
M Adams commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Brett, it gives me such a lift to hear about your new gig — sounds perfect! Lucky kids too, great when they can connect with an adult who also makes them laugh.   Your comment re the spirit world app that Avi came across brought back a…"
Friday
Brett Bowman commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Avi, things like that scare the crap out of me. I mean, how do you know that you are actually communicating with your mom, and not something bad? I believe that you may open yourself to something that may attach itself to you. That's just…"
Friday
Brenda Ann left a comment for Lisa
"Dear Lisa, I send you my heartfelt condolences as well as a welcome to our website. It is a safe place to come and talk or vent about your loss. Talking is very helpful in sorting out how to move forward. I would like to share a paragraph from what…"
Friday
P updated their profile
Friday
Theresa commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"No we should not, God is the only communicator Avi, you are right. We should not disturb the deceased, they are in peace, it is us who are not in peace. I still struggle everyday, I just have come to recognize that this is my new life.  "
Friday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Monty, I m sure everyone on our forum had a very bad day. I just kept myself very busy all. Since I live in Florida and it is in the 70's I worked outside all day long. I feel Julian is with when I am outside. He knew I just loved the outdoors…"
Friday
Avi commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
"Hi Friends,  Few days back I came to know an app EquoVox which can help you communicate with your loved ones who are deceased. It seems be fake to me but have seen some videos on you tube people claiming its real. Did anybody on this group…"
Friday
Profile IconValerie Groh, diane, Lisa and 6 more joined Online Grief Support - A Social Community
Thursday
Linda Engberg commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Trina, It is so true, my Julian and I celebrated everyday of our life together like you an Joseph. We were Blessed."
Thursday
Trina Mamoon commented on Jon-Paul Ackerman's group Lost My Spouse...
"Linda, thank you for the post. The words ring very true. Today is Valentine’s Day, but fortunately for me, Joseph and I didn’t always celebrate on this day. We didn’t feel that we had to show our love and devotion on a specific day…"
Thursday
Linda Engberg left a comment for Lisa
"Welcome to Online Grief Support it is a great community."
Thursday

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