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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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Comment by Brenda on February 10, 2020 at 11:28pm

It does help to connect to people on this site.  It helps to have others who have had a connection with their mother similar to mine.  I appreciate everyone's stories and responses.  I know my new "normal" was something I never asked for, but it is my reality.  I miss you everyday mom and my love for you is so strong!  I am really missing my mom's voice these last couple of days, she always knew just what to say and how to say it to me. Such a whole in my heart and life.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 9, 2020 at 11:21am

Brenda, you found the key. Because we love our mom so much, we try our hardest to honor them by taking baby steps. As much as my mom suffered in her last days, it would have been so much worse for her if she had thought that I wouldn't have been able to survive without her. She would have fought and clawed to stay alive, but that would not have been possible. Her body was shutting down. I like to believe that my mom died in peace because she had enough faith in me to believe that I would be okay.

What Theresa wrote is so true. Our moms were human, too. If I had been the one that died, my mom would have been the one who is suffering now. We were our mom's caretakers. We lessened their load as best we could. We have to continue to do that by trying to be happy. If we can't do that for ourselves, we should at least try for our moms. That is what I have been doing for the last four years. I'm trying. I can't say I'm winning, but I am trying.

Comment by Theresa on February 9, 2020 at 8:00am
Brenda. If I have to say losing my mother was the hardest thing in my life my dad passed away 20 years ago from cancer from asbestos but I knew that’s what was going to happen I had no idea that my mother was going to go into cardiac arrest and she would not be coming back and I didn’t get to say goodbye I live with that I miss her every day every single day if I was to say over time you learn to live with it and you kind of make a new life. Things that I did before like call her every day on my way to work on my way home every night it all ceased it was like I had to get used to living without it and living without her there so many things that happen in my life that I feel like I need her for because she was all I ever had she had me later in life when she was 42. I don’t think a day goes by that I don’t think about her it brings tears to my eyes but there’s really nothing I can do about it I just have to keep going I remember one day she said to me these exact words she said sweetheart I’ve lived my life you have to live yours but although I do remember when we went to the cemetery where her mother was buried she cries and that was 45 years ago. Finding the people I did on this group really did help me because I have no one else to talk to
Comment by Brenda on February 8, 2020 at 11:29am

Brett I can relate to so much of what you write.  My mom passed December 30th, 2019, so the rawness is still so vivid. I yearn for her like I am a little girl so much, even though I am an adult.  My mom was and is my everything, we have always been there for each other.  I still talk to her everyday, look at her photos, and journal.  My life is so empty and cold, it's just a dark place without her, she was my light.  At times I feel so lost and out of control, but for my mom, because that's what she would want, I take a step, I do what needs to be done at the moment with tears, sadness, and pain.  It feels good to be part of this group, to talk to people who miss their mom everyday!  

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 7, 2020 at 9:43pm

Brenda, there are a myriad of small steps. I call them baby steps, because when we lose our moms, we are like toddlers again. I lost my mom on Christmas eve. The next morning the tears really flowed, and I remember, as I was crying, I kept saying, "Mommy!!" I needed my mommy. There I was, a full grown man calling for his mommy. I'm not ashamed of that though. There is still a little boy in me, and my mom taught me how to walk and to talk. She provided my security. And maybe I didn't know at the time she died, but she still did. After she died the world just seemed like a much colder place. It still seems that way. My mom was the person who worried about me each day, who worried that I had good food to eat, or that my car was going to break down. It's hard to lose that. What a mother gives is pure love. There is nothing better. Well, it's half gone. I still love her every bit as much, but she is no longer here to reciprocate. I can say, "I love you mom," but I can't hear her say it in return. And that really hurts. It hurts too much.

Please feel free to talk to us. None of us have a magic formula that will make you feel better, but we sure understand. We all have a similar story, and we are all here for the same reason. We love and miss our moms.

Comment by Brenda on February 7, 2020 at 5:39pm

Thank you for the kind words, M Adams, Brett, and Theresa.  Today is a hard day, I miss my mom Barbara so much!  Everyday I seem to mourn something else, her wit, her friendship, her unconditional love.  I feel like I have lost everything.  Finding ways to cope everyday feels like a horrible ride I want to get off.  Thank you, this is a small step that is helping me.

Comment by Brett Bowman on February 7, 2020 at 1:00pm

Brenda, I have been told my story many times here. I was also my mom's caretaker, and she was the center of my world as well. In fact, four years after her death, I would say that she still is. I certainly understand.

I hope you will continue to post here. We can't help you if you do not. You found a group of people who love their moms and miss them with all of our hearts. I hope that you will let us help.

Comment by M Adams on February 6, 2020 at 10:46pm

Brenda, so sorry for what you’re going through. I really relate...my mother died in the autumn of 2018 and like you I was honoured to have the chance to help her in what turned out to be her last five years, when she had many health challenges.  She was always so brave, and so very kind and supportive to me.  After my husband died it was her love that sustained me and made it worthwhile for me to live.  The closeness of our relationship and especially the intimacy of those last years have made it very sad and disorienting to be without her, maybe that is true for you as well? but at the same time I hope you’ll find some comfort in the fact that you and your mother had such a deeply loving relationship, and that you were there for her when she needed you.  

Comment by Brenda on February 6, 2020 at 9:18pm

Hi, my name is Brenda. I lost my mom to brain cancer 36 days ago, the pain and grief are uncontrollable.  I took care of her for 10 months everyday, and feel so lucky and honored to have been able to do it! She has always been my everything, I don't know how I get up in the mornings and function, I walk around the world and exist in a fog.  I would do anything for my mom and only hope that she was, has been, and is proud of me.  I am so proud and honored to be her daughter!  I love you mom and am looking for some understanding, compassion, support,  and hope from others.

Bless you all and praying for strength and comfort today.

Comment by Avi on January 29, 2020 at 5:50am

Hi Katherine, 

Everybody on this group will understand your pain and there are no concrete steps that you can take to relax your grief. Take small steps and you will be able to find a way forward. Your mother will always want you to be happy and live a healthy life. 
Please feel free to post your feelings. 

 

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