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Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 12, 2011 at 5:35pm

mercy, my mom worried about me before she died too....I remember the day that, well, I called her at the hospital, to see how she was, and I didnt know what was going on with her....she said "Rachel, I need you to be strong for me, I have cancer"....those words shattered my world, I screamed....I couldnt believe what was happening....she said "stop it"....she knew how hurt I was, she said "I cant protect you"....I will never forget that, ever....and what she went through....she loved me so much, her worry overrode her illness....she needed to know I would be ok........

Comment by mercy on June 11, 2011 at 1:30pm

Lisa, I know what you mean about birthdays. My birthday was Monday, I totally forgot about it until someone reminded me. I didn't celebrate it and I didn't even acknowledge it. I cannot imagine ever enjoying my birthday again knowing the one person who should be here to share this day with is gone forever. Mom was everything to me, the reason why I always had hope for tomorrow.

Comment by mercy on June 11, 2011 at 1:23pm

Thanks Rachel; thats what I always think, I say what would mom want for me? My mom would hate to see me so sad and devastated. I know its part of grieving and the price I pay for loving her so much. I'm the baby in the family of ten and though I'm not yet forty, I've lost three sibblings at their prime and my mom and dad. I will try so hard to do the best to keep pushing through all the pain. So many times I've thought how I could just end it all. When she was ill, I envied everyone; even the homeless wishing I could trade places with them instead of seeing my mom suffer. The one thing that keeps me going is imagining what my mom wants for me and my little 18 month old. I always think how selfish it would be for me to kill myself and leave her without a mom. Anyway; this pain will never go away but I know with time and support from special people like you, it will get easier to live with. God Bless.

Comment by mercy on June 11, 2011 at 1:11pm

Rachel; I think its true that mom is with me. She was so worried about me (being the youngest) before she died . She also knew I was having a hard time with my brothers passing and God knows she fought hard to keep living; just for us. Yesterday morning I was so upset when it hit me again that I can't pick up the phone and talk to her. I was so mad, and sad. At times like this, I think of all the different ways I can end my life and go be with her. Later in the day, I felt a very unusual calm; I know it was her comfort. I also remember not being able to find the remote despite looking for it all over the living room. Later when I sat at the sofa, I saw it sitting right there. I think she had moved it, just to play mind games on me. Anyway, I would love to know if any of you have had any experiences where you felt your mom had visited you? Thanks for reading and being there for me.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 11, 2011 at 10:00am

I have not been to my mom's grave either, she was just buried, long story, but anyways, not sure what tha will be like when I go there....its an hour away, but my dad's is 8 hours away, and I hate that, if I want to go leave flowers or go there, I cant.....but at least with my mom I can, but I dread the day....my sister didnt even help with the funeral, I shouldnt even be talking to her....it was left all up to me because "she didnt get along with mom"....thats crazy....families are SUPPOSED to band together at times like that

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 11, 2011 at 9:59am

Caitlin, god bless you today hun, you have us, it must be hard hun

Comment by Robin Williams on June 10, 2011 at 6:56pm

Thank you for your prayers Judith- I need all that I can get.  I'm in my early thirties and also feel like a young child who has lost her moma.  I feel too young for her to be taken but then again I think any age to lose your mom is a young age.  I feel like it's been one thing after another since her passing and now my Dad has a girlfriend and my moma has only been gone 10 months.  I keep having to adapt to these new things which I am TERRIBLE at doing.   I'm not even close to accepting my mother's passing much less a new woman in my dad's life. My moma was really my rock especially at times like this.  I wish I had the magical answer of when this gets easier.  I will be praying for us all.

Comment by Caitlin Doherty on June 10, 2011 at 1:41pm

I lost my mom on June 11, 2010. This weekend is the one year anniversary and the grief is overpowering. The heartache is literal. The pain is palpable. I miss her so much. I remember trying to help lower her fever as she passed away in front of me. I felt like I had failed her even though we knew hospice care wasn't going to take a different direction. I felt her spirit very strongly that day. I've never been particularly religious but there was an instinct that came over me that knew her body was a mere shell and her spirit lived on. I am going to her grave tomorrow to lay flowers and it feels nice to have that feeling like I am going to visit her.

Comment by Rachel Lynn Schuler on June 10, 2011 at 1:14pm

I hope you find peace Resee....I do understand the things you are feeling...I talked to my mom every day at least 3 times and long convos....I just cried a little while ago when I heard a song....its just so hard....

Comment by Joan M Vincent-Hanlon on June 10, 2011 at 11:40am

Rachael, Judith and all that are suffering:

 

My mom died of the ultimate final insult .. Alzheimer's.  She was my very bestfriend.  We did everything together, vacations, celebrated our birthday's which were both on April 11.  She suffered 3 major strokes over 7 years and then the Alzheimer's.  It was awful.  She has been gone almost 4 years and the rug has been literally pulled from beneath me ..... I can barely put one foot in front of the other.  Whoever coined the phrase, "time heals all wounds" should be shot.  It gets worse  for me daily.  I've tried "grief" counseling to no avail other than to empty my wallet.  People don't understand.  Some move on.  Not me.  I have no children and have never married so I am pretty much in this world alone.  I recently lost my job and my health insurance and am wondering what the purpose of life is?  I am an Atheist so the "God" thing is no comfort to me.

 

I wish I could help anyone but I can't even help myself or deal with this.

 

Write if you'd like.  Maybe we can find some comfort with each

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