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I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

Members: 731
Latest Activity: Oct 8

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New here 3 Replies

Started by Lynn Fisher. Last reply by Brett Bowman Jul 12.

Never ending 4 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Brenda Ann Jan 11.

Does it ever end? 5 Replies

Started by Betty Ellsworth. Last reply by Sun Oct 29, 2018.

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Comment by Brett Bowman on August 6, 2019 at 1:10pm

Avi, what you just wrote to Theresa is so true. People will allow you a short time for grief. If it goes on pass that time they will think you are over dramatic, or that you have mental problems. 

I wish your little girl a wonderful birthday. What a blessing she is for you.

Comment by Avi on August 6, 2019 at 7:25am

Hi Brett, 

I feel what you experienced. I have a family as well but still I feel void sometimes. 

I was very happy yesterday as I saw my mother in dreams. She was talking to me on some topic and I was really happy to have conversation with her in dreams but till night I was again feeling the void and hope my mother would have been alive. 

My angel is turning 1 on Saturday and she is my ray of hope to drive me through this dark tunnel. 

Theresa, other people will never understand your grief as they feel that you are overreacting. 

Any one who wanna talk please feel free to add me on skype at live:avitiwari26

Thanks

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 5, 2019 at 10:56pm

That's the hard part. When I started my new job in February I had to list an emergency contact. I don't really have one now.

Friday night we had a lot of flooding on our area. I didn't realize how bad it was until I tried to drive home from work. Every route that I tried was blocked by the police. I had to wait in the parking lot of a grocery store until one of the roads opened. It just occurred to me that there was no one for me to call to say that I would be home late, and no one really cared if I had to spend the night in a parking lot. Well, my dog cares. She would have been howling until I got home. It's just not the same thing. No one to coordinate with. I have friends but not family.

Comment by M Adams on August 5, 2019 at 8:11pm

Sue, what you say about your mom is so touching and true, it brings tears to my eyes.

She always told me to be careful when I went to work that she needed me.  I always knew she was there for me & cared. ”

My mother and my husband were both like that for me, caring and worrying about my safety and happiness. Of course I took care of them as well, but it wasn’t an exchange, it was love.  Not having the people who truly care, going on alone after they die, makes life so bleak... tough to keep motivated to take care of oneself, all the endless tasks, big and small, and all the fear, without the loving concern of someone in the world who puts you first, sees you as special and uniquely important, not just as a useful bundle of functions.  I know I was lucky to have experienced that kind of  love — it’s a very different, much colder world now. Important to go on and to have gratitude, I think, but it’s also very hard.

Comment by Theresa on August 3, 2019 at 1:50pm

So true Brett and Sue, people have no idea what we have went through until it happens to them.

Brett, I have become bitter, I have so much anger inside, and no tolerance for people at all.

Sometimes I think about quitting my job and looking for another one, that I can be away from people.  Its ashame.....

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 3, 2019 at 10:47am

Forgiving is one thing. I would like to forgive everyone. I think I can in time, but that doesn't mean that those people need a place in my life. Sometimes you are better staying away from certain people, even if those people are family members.

And for friends who were not there when we needed them most, I just realize that is who they are. I think that we assume that we are very close to some people, but then when the chips are down, the reality of our distance becomes apparent. We never were as close as we thought.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 3, 2019 at 9:54am

I wouldn't feel to bad about that Theresa. I have silently said goodbye to a lot of friends. People are insulated. As long as things are going fine in their world, whatever happens to you just isn't that big of a deal. It's eye opening. A couple of months ago when I was going through all of that mess, I became bitter. I remember calling my aunt to tell her what had happened. Within 20 seconds she was telling me about her daughters vacation to Sedona. It just didn't register with her. When my dog started to have so many physical issues, there were people who said to me, "Why don't you just put her down?" It's sickening. There is a big family gathering today in my hometown. I'm not going. None of those folks were there for me. They disappeared when my mom died. I don't hate them, or even dislike most of them, but they weren't there for me. I wish them well, but I wish them well from over here.

I've seen too much. I have felt too much. I will gladly do anything I can for a stranger, but the facts are, too many people from my past weren't there for me. I could be homeless and  they may say, "Poor Brett." But they wouldn't do anything about it. They would just go on living their insulated lives.

Have I become bitter? Maybe, but it is so important to be honest with yourself and acknowledge what you feel.

Comment by Brett Bowman on August 3, 2019 at 5:52am

Thank you, Sue.

Comment by Theresa on August 3, 2019 at 5:51am
If it’s hot maybe just sit outside on your deck/patio with Her after she has done her business. I live in an apartment and I sit outside with Darby each morning. When I read what you and Sue have written I think I’m 10 times worse I’m so beside myself that my dog is getting older and he will not be here one day that I’m getting sick my mother always told me stop worrying you will get sick it’s affecting my stomach my health and I try hard to make it Stop but I put all of my time and love into this dog for 12 years. I don’t treat my dog like a dog I treat my dog like he is part of my family and I probably shouldn’t say this the other day I said I missed my mother my husband said she died years ago people die every day I was like you know what you wait you wait your mom is still here some people have no compassion no understanding and he’s one of them I guess we all have faults
A friend from where are used to live texted me a week ago letting me know his mom has passed I told him I was sorry he sent me all the funeral arrangements and what time and all of that you know what I did nothing no card not a thing because that’s is exactly what he did for me I hate to be like that my mother would not want me to be but I’m sorry there’s plenty of my friends out there who totally brushed off when my mom passed away like I said what comes around goes around I’m just glad I have you guys to talk to
Comment by Brett Bowman on August 2, 2019 at 10:57pm

She's 13. Today I took her for a real long walk before I left. She wasn't crying when I came home tonight. That doesn't mean she didn't cry. I don't know. Walking her that far seems like a good idea but she is really old and it may be too much for her. She sort of gave out three quarters of the way through. It's really hot here.

I had a real scare tonight. It has been raining really hard here. On my way home tonight, the police had every main road blocked off because of flooding. I had to try several different ways to get home. Mostly I was just worried about not being able to get to her. She has to have insulin twice a day. The idea of losing her is too much. I know it has to happen some day. It would be hard enough, even if my mom were still alive, but it will be so much worse without my mom. This dog is about that last piece of my mom that I have left. I can close my eyes and still hear my mom baby talking her.

It is always something, Theresa. And unfortunately, it seems like the most sacred things in my life are the things that are most vulnerable. I'm tired. I have been soul sick for the last three and a half years.  

 

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