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Comment by Kevin Velez on January 2, 2012 at 8:12pm

@KT.  I'm here. I'm listening.  You are a powerful force we need to deal with.  Life whether we like it or not must go on and the power to be of help to others can be so healing for both involved.  Kelly, thanks for being a part of my life.  I wish you all the best possible 2012 will offer.  It won't be easy but we have to go on.  it's a part of life unfortunately. this is the time we have to deal with it.  There was a time, not long ago, such an internet social network did not exist.   I still miss my mom as you all do but at least I can feel the emotions with others.  It's better than feeling alone and helpless.  Thank you all and may 2012 bring you new blessings and opportunities that will help grow not only the legacy of the one your miss, but also start your own legacy.  God's blessed us all with an unparalleled love uncompromisable love.  do you know what that means?  find the love you want to have or be the love that you want to have or be both.  If you give it, you'll get it.  If you get it be unselfish and give back. with more than six billion of us on the planet, trust me, there is someone who will need more than you.  We were blessed...believe it or not.  My mom was a blessing.  Alive or dead I leaned from a great human.  Remember the milestones that were left for your evaluation; unliess they are too great for you to surpasses. i kid you.  For the most parts our parents intended us to be greater than they were (although our young minds didn't believe it to be true at the time ;))  May 2012 bring us joy and hope.  Our loved ones would want us to be joyful while on earth.  Only God (and our loved ones) know what greater journeys exist.  For all we know. we may  be the ones be felt sorry for.  Happy New Year!  May 2012 be a positive experience.   Life is for the living.  We were given life for a reason.  Peace everyone.  Love, Kevin. 

 

Comment by K.T on January 2, 2012 at 7:15pm

Hi guys. How are you all doing? It's 2am here and I can't sleep so thought I'd write a comment. Made it through the holidays but now it's Mum's birthday on Wednesday and I'm so sad. I cannot close my eyes to sleep without having images and memories of her which make me cry .. So here i am, hours away from my alarm ringing commenting here. I cant go to the cemetary on Wednesday so i plan to go tomorrow with a card and flowers ... Is that weird? I usually avoid the cemetary, haven't been for months but would feel guilty not doing something for her birthday.
By the way Lisa, i know what you mean. I get little signs from Mum but i wish i could really know she is ok, and at peace and watching me. I had a dream last night where she was calling my name. But when i turned i couldn't see her. I really wish i could dream vividly, anything, a conversation, a hug. Well i guess i've rambled on long enough. Will try sleeping again. Thanks to those who "listened". Good night, Kelly.

Comment by K.T on January 2, 2012 at 7:13pm

Hi guys. How are you all doing? It's 2am here and I can't sleep so thought I'd write a comment. Made it through the holidays but now it's Mum's birthday on Wednesday and I'm so sad. I cannot close my eyes to sleep without having images and memories of her which make me cry .. So here i am, hours away from my alarm ringing commenting here. I cant go to the cemetary on Wednesday so i plan to go tomorrow with a card and flowers ... Is that weird? I usually avoid the cemetary, haven't been for months but would feel guilty not doing something for her birthday.
By the way Lisa, i know what you mean. I get little signs from Mum but i wish i could really know she is ok, and at peace and watching me. I had a dream last night where she was calling my name. But when i turned i couldn't see her. I really wish i could dream vividly, anything, a conversation, a hug. Well i guess i've rambled on long enough. Will try sleeping again. Thanks to those who "listened". Good night, Kelly.

Comment by Linda on January 2, 2012 at 5:01pm

Jun me too! I ask myself would I have done anything at all different. The answer is no I wouldn't except maybe stay home from work and spend the last day of her life next to her side

Comment by Jun White on January 2, 2012 at 4:57pm

Linda,

Thanks for sharing your story, I love reading them.  I consistently have flashbacks of the day when my mom passed away.  It’s been 4 months, and yet it feels like yesterday, I can recall every minute and every detail on that day. How I wish I can turn back the clock!

Comment by Linda on January 2, 2012 at 2:59pm

Kevin yes she was taken to soon but it gives me peace that she went.peacefully. and am grateful to have had a mom like her and to have been given the opportunity to have spent many years with her as an adult. The bond we had was extraordinary and am blessed with so many memories but the pain of losing her is overwhelming

Comment by Kevin Velez on January 2, 2012 at 2:50pm

@Linda
I will not say what you want me to say but if I may...it sounds like you and your mom were fortunate to have each other. the journey without her will not be easy but I for one Am glad to have known my mom for 39 years. Our moms are gone too soon!!!

Comment by Linda on January 2, 2012 at 12:22pm

Everyone says "at least she isnt in pain any longer" I swear if I hear that again.  There are a few things that do help me but doesn't make the pain of missing/losing her any less tho is that she went peaceful.  her last day I woke up and went and checked on her, gave her her meds , fixed her breakfast and ate with her, checked her glucose, gave her, her insulin shot and just talked a while.  I went to work came home during lunch fed her checked her glucose and gave her insulin to her, I stayed for 3 hours.  She said she was in pain so I gave her pain meds she seemed confused a little so I stayed a bit talked to her, told her how much i love her and rubbed her hair, told her to rest awhile, we watched "Lovely Bones' while I rubbed her more.  I went back to work, came home fixed dinner and tried to wake her about 6pm but couldn't wake her, i thought she was just drugged out a bit from the morphine i finally woke her and fed her a couple bites.  When she woke her eyes were so big and she couldn't talk.  i gave her a drink and rubbed her and kissed her on her cheek and told her to rest that I would stay right by her side all night.  She closed her eyes .  the next 4 hours what I thought was salivia ended up being fluid coming up from her lungs.  i called hospice at 10pm because her fingers were so cold and I could not wake her at all. me and my girls changed her blouse and cleaned and dried her up, changed her sheets and pillow cases.  We put a towel uder her chin/cheek so she wouldnt all wet again.  the hospice nurse said her heart sounded good, one lung she couldn't hear any air in the lower portion and the other lung was filling up with fluid.  She said at this point its usually 24 to 48 hours, i was floored I knew and have known for many many years she was very ill and wouldn't live forever but never expected once she was put on hospice that it would be only 10 days.  my daughter sat in her recliner next to her bed and read to her, i took a shower and sat on the edge of her bed, holding her hand and rubbing her hair and just talked to her.  One minute she took a breathe and in the next she was gone.... i put my arm around her  neck and cried and said "Momma please breathe, momma please just one more time, please momma please don't go, i love you" but she was gone...... the hospice nurse came back , i kept her oxygen on her cause i was afraid maybe she was still alive...... when the nurse took her oxygen off I knew then she was really gone, this was Dec 8th at 2:38 am..... I just fell on my  mom and sobbed and sobbed... saying please momma donnt go please don't leave me alone without you.  Me and my girls cleaned her up and bathed her.  I sat in her recliner all night and thought maybe she would wake up and say to me like she did everyday "I love you so much Sis, you are so pretty and I am so lucky to have a daughter like you"  I would tell her "I love you more and I am only as good as you raised me"  me and the girls went the next morning and got her a white dress , pink necklace.  we dressed her, the girls did her makeup and curled her hair.  She looked like she was just asleep, she looked so peaceful.  The chaplin from hospice came and said a prayer. I couldnt call the funeral home so my brother did it for me.  I went downstairs while the funeral home was here to take mom, I couldn't see her leave it was to much for me.  All I did was cry and cry...... I couldnt imagine life without mom..... I still cant imagine life without her.....  I miss her so very much..... She lived with me on and off for 18 years when she needed to and she was  my best friend, my Momma and my protector when she needed.    

Comment by Linda on January 2, 2012 at 11:53am

Yesterday was an extremely hard emotional day. Its been 3 1/2 weeks since my momma past away. Each day I hurt more and more. I just wish I would dream about her, then at least I would see her if only in my dreams. Not sure how to be ok again without her. I miss her so much

Comment by Lisa Gladieux on January 2, 2012 at 10:39am

Hi all! Here's wishing you all a happy new year. I know I am ready for a new beginning, although I wish it was with my mom. However, she is in Heaven with many loved ones celebrating her own new year. While I love this group, I don't like the fact we are so far from each other. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all get together and comfort one another in person? By the way, has anyone heard from Sue Waxman? Her last post was on 12/26, so I'm a little worried. Sending hugs to you all and while our amazing mothers are not here (physically), I do believe they are with us in a spiritual sense. I do wish that I would receive some type of communication from my mom that she truly IS ok. Anybody else feel the same way? Hugs, Lisa

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