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Comment by Mary on September 28, 2012 at 12:12pm

Michael, So sorry, my thoughts are with you.  The waiting is not pleasant.  Just keep talking to her, I do believe they can hear up until they cross over.

Comment by michael sandoval on September 28, 2012 at 11:17am

My mom is about to pass.  God bless you Mom

Comment by Mary on September 28, 2012 at 10:23am

Mark-I read your post and I immediately got a message from somewhere to let you know that your mom WILL be with you on this exciting journey, that she'd have it no other way!

Comment by Mary on September 28, 2012 at 10:21am

Lisa, I am so sorry for your loss and everyone in here totally understands what you are going through and we have all gone through the very exact things you are going through and will go through.  Grief is not a standard thing so I can't tell you how long you will grieve or how bad it will be, but I can tell you that as time passes it does seem to get somewhat easier.  My mom has been gone 6 months now.  She meant the world to me.  Nothing mattered to me, I did not care to do anything or go anywhere, I still sort of am that way but it is getting some easier.  I tried the anti-depressants-I guess I really did not give them a chance-the side effects scared me.  I did go to counseling-but haven't been able to go lately as my car is broke down.  She did help me to understand a few things, so that did help.  All I can say is go ahead and let yourself grieve and cry all you want.  You will keep going because that is what your mom would have wanted and you need to keep remembering that.  Think about it, she did not give up without a fight, she lived her life and you have to do the same.  Just when I think about how futile it all is I remember the year my moms mom died.  My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer at age 37 and had to have a radical mastectomy and she could not tell or talk to her mom because her health was not very good.  My grandmother died the day before my moms birthday and before my mom could explain to her why she had not been able to come visit her.  It devastated my mom, but she continued on with life.  Now I must do the same, we all must, for our moms!

Comment by Lisa Osborne on September 27, 2012 at 11:48pm

My Mom passed on Sept. 6th, 2012 of alzheimers. I'm not sure how I am suppose to keep going without Mom. Everything just seems so trivial. Things that I use to enjoy just don't matter anymore.

Comment by Mark on September 27, 2012 at 4:13am

Brette you hit on one of my own personal key pains in this loss.  For example it's a little past 2 in the morning and I can't sleep because my mind is going over an event that's coming up for me that should be considered incredible but it's feeling more like going through the motion of it all with little to no joy.  There will be no mom to enjoy it with.  No mom to bounce idea's off of in regard to all of it.  Then as usual I'm dumb struck realizing this is a forever situation for as long as I'm here on this earth.  I will never see her on this earth again.  It's painfully surreal moments like this.

Comment by Brette Stinson on September 27, 2012 at 1:53am

Weather, but this trip would be a whole lot better if I knew that I was coming home to her.

Comment by Brette Stinson on September 27, 2012 at 1:52am

I am now here in the Dominican Republic. The scenery is great the people are nice but I still feel lonely because I wish my mom was here to enjoy this experience with me. My friend that was coming with me missed her flight, so I'm here alone. I got a chance to sit on the beach and just think and cry..... more crying. I miss my mother so much, I know that she would have been excited for me that I was going. I just feel so lost in this big world world without her and being in another country, confirmed my loneliness. I love this beautiful

Comment by Judy on September 26, 2012 at 1:17am

MSB -- You did it! I understand that it was a terrible day, I really do. But you should be proud of yourself for going out with your friends. I have to force myself to get out of here sometimes, and even though it's very difficult, I find that it does help.

Brad -- I think grief does make one not give a d*** anymore about what people think of them. In a way, it is refreshing to at last be yourself, to let your true feelings show through. I am 66, so I probably give even less of a d*** than you do! By letting go, you give those around you permission to let go, too. Maybe your friends were holding back until you released them by crying. Family is wonderful, but there's nothing like a good friend... I'm glad you found that cross to wear. I think you'll find that it's really comforting. I've also put photos of my mother around the house -- I have one in my kitchen because she & I spent a lot of time in the kitchen together. It still hurts to look at them, but I'm glad to see her in every room. I would put some photos here on this page, but it seems the format of the site has changed, and I don't know how to do it anymore. I put a picture of my mother (& my new dog) on my page.

Mark -- That was an awesome post! So "from-the-heart." I understand that kind of crying you write about. It does feel like your very bone marrow is weeping, screaming in pain. When I hit the wall like you described, I can hear my mother telling me to be strong, to live my life. She lived with such gusto; I cannot capture that, but I can at least know that she would want me to carry on. The cycles of life will go on no matter what.

 

Comment by MSB on September 25, 2012 at 10:27pm

Thanks to all who responded about my mother's birthday. It was a terrible day. However, I did get together with friends in the afternoon and one of my best friends spoke to me tonight. Hopefully, tomorrow it will start to get better again. At least until thanksgiving!

 

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