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Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on October 29, 2012 at 4:05pm

I've been in therapy for six years now, started for other reasons, but I have found that going to therapy is my normal now..I don't know what I would do, if I wasn't able to go. I brought up the food situation about a month ago, but it wasn't this bad. I just wasn't sure if this happened to anyone else. 

Comment by michael sandoval on October 29, 2012 at 2:23pm

Yes, Therapy and medication can help a lot.  medication can help with crying.  it helped me a lot.  therapy also is a big help.  I am still in therapy.  I started when my wife passed away three years ago, and now, I am talking about Mom passing away.  The three years of therapy really did help with Mom's passing.  not much, but i did learn things in the last three years.

God Bless Everyone

Comment by Mary on October 29, 2012 at 1:58pm

There is a huge difference between grieving and depression, but the two often go hand in hand.  Depression can oft times be worked through without medical intervention BUT when you begin to feel as if you would rather die then continue living, or you stop doing the things you need to do to stay alive and healthy-eating, not over eating, smoking, not taking medication, etc., and you can't or won't do things you normally did-bath, clean, take care of kids, others, etc. THEN it is time to seek medical help.  There is absolutely NO SHAME in asking your doctor for help and being on medication. 

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 29, 2012 at 1:56pm

Simin - I know how you feel, but please hang on.  It does slowly get better from here.  Your mom would not want you to be doing anything that would be harmful for your health.

Michael and Jennifer and Simin - all of our routines are disrupted.  Until we find a new routine, it is hard to know what to do and to stay on a schedule.  I found it helped to write down my schedule - what I ate for breakfast, etc.  It worked for a while but then my husband was sick again over the summer and I got so busy I didn't have time to do it and everything went to heck again.  But, it did help when I was doing it.  Maybe it would help for you too.

Comment by Dr S Gh on October 29, 2012 at 1:51pm

I'm finding the opposite, i can hardly eat. All i want to do is drink tea and smoke but coz of my own health problems i shouldn't be smoking at all. It's as if doing something to harm myself makes me feel better somehow. Everything seems so bleak at the moment and i just wish i could die and be with mum. It hurts my family to hear me say this but i can't help feeling this way. past week has been much worse than the weeks before it

Comment by michael sandoval on October 29, 2012 at 1:30pm

I've gained weight too.   poor eating habits, eating because i'm bored, eating cuz i'm sad.  not exercising.  my condolences to everyone who lost their Mom.The last picture of my Mom.  I took it when we went to Olvera Street two weeks before she passed.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on October 29, 2012 at 11:23am

Does anybody have a hard time recognizing the difference in being physically empty and hurting emotionally? I have gained so much weight this year because I can't tell when I'm hungry! I'm so empty without my mom...I need some type of closure but don't know how to get it!:/ My thoughts and prayers are always with you guys, losing the most important person in your life, is so hard!:'(

Comment by michael sandoval on October 29, 2012 at 9:45am

Deat Stoyas,

My condolences.  thank you for the kind words.  it really means a lot.  I miss my mom so much.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 29, 2012 at 1:58am

James - good thought to share.  Let us pray for everyone on the eastern seaboard.  By the time this storm is over, there may be loss of life and people grieving as hard as we are grieving right now.  Let us pray for the safety of every one.

Comment by Storyas Fawnfeather on October 29, 2012 at 1:57am

Mary, the roller coaster does continue, but it gets a little easier with the passage of time.  Just today I went to a candle store that me and my mom used to always go to together.  I have been there maybe twice since she died.  The last weeks of her life, we went there together.  They also sell kitchen wares, and she bought be a cake plate like hers where you can flip the top and put it on a base and use it for a punch bowl too.  She knew I had always liked hers, and she bought me one.  I cherish that cake plate like nothing you can imagine.  It is always on my dining room table, and I make it very clear to anyone who does not treat it gingery that they need to straighten up.  I was walking through that candle store today and I thought, "How can this still be here when she is gone.  How can life go on like it always has when she is not here any more."  You know, life doesn't mean as much without the people we love in it.  My family background is the Appalachian Mountains.  We were very poor and growing up things we take for granted now were just out of our reach - shopping for something other than groceries, going to a movie, eating out.  After us kids grew up and got jobs, our financial lives improved.  My brothers took her out from time to time, but me and my mom went out all the time.  And, I almost felt guilty sometimes that we had it so good (and good for us doesn't mean a five star restaurant but maybe Arbys), because we'd never had it so good before.  Now that my mom is gone (and my dad) none of that means jack to me any more.  I'm grateful there is a fast food restaurant if I'm running too much that day and must stop cuz my blood sugar went too low, but to stop and enjoy it - what's the point.  You know, I kinda understand the Buddhists a little bit better.  This world and it's riches aren't what matter.  I still have access to most of those riches, but they aren't rich if I'm not sharing them with her (or my dad), but especially my mom as I always  shared them with her.  I used to dress funky all the time.  I never went out without make-up on, and I loved dressing funky.  Now, I run around in sweats and a bun.  I used to love to draw and make jewelry.  Not any more.  The only thing I still enjoy is knitting, and I do that in front of the tv.  I do not go to my knitting groups and spend time with friends any more.  It just sometimes is hard for me to grasp that this world goes on so similar to what it was before, but she is not here to share it with me.  I sometimes wish I could do it all over again, because I would have shared those things with her twice as much and spent twice as much time with her.

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