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Comment by Mary on January 23, 2013 at 10:22am

Today just sucks! It is my first birthday Without my mom and I have literally done nothing much more then cry these last 3 days. It just does not seem fair that she is gone. I thought it was getting easier, but lately it has only seemed harder and I just don't know how to get through the next few months, the anniversary of her passing. I just don't understand it at all! The more I think about it the more pissed off I get!

Comment by Jo Moon on January 23, 2013 at 7:19am

I found out my mom was dead two weeks ago today. I could not even think clearly that first week. Crying first thing in the morning, at times in the day even when trying to eat id just have to stop and cry.

Comment by Anne on January 6, 2013 at 6:51am

Judy- I think you are right, that pain doesn't go away...I think when my Mom passed, she took a part of my heart with her that was reserved for her.  I am dealing now with one of our 6 cats that may have cancer, we are taking her for an ultrasound as soon as there is an opening...I'm just not sure how many more pieces of my heart I have left to lose. :(

Comment by Judy on January 6, 2013 at 2:14am

I got the double whammy with my dog dying two weeks before my mother, MSB. It feels sooo empty! This is the time of year last year when I was dealing with my dog's dying from cancer, so it's an especially hard anniversary. I know it does feel like torture, and like it will never end. It sounds trite, but you just have to get up every day and live that day with whatever upheavals it may bring. You may be surprised that there are some days days without upheaval! Fear is a killer. I'm not qualified enough to tell you how to cope with it, but I do know that when I feel afraid, I try really hard to focus on something that brings love into my heart -- even if it hurts. Love is always better than fear, even if it's upsetting at the time to experience the love that's seeminly now gone. At least it was there before, and I don't think it really and truly goes away. It only feels like it does.

Comment by MSB on January 5, 2013 at 10:16pm

Since the new year started, I feel worse. I miss my mom more and more and my cat's passing in November has been torture. I am scared of the new year.

 

Comment by Judy on January 3, 2013 at 11:22pm

K -- That first couple of months is like you're in another world. You don't believe it happened, and then what happened is all too real and you feel like you can't even breathe. There's a lot of stuff to do, so sometimes there is respite in that, but by and large, it is numbness vs. pain. I wish I could say something to make everything easier for you; I think your reaching out to this group is a great sign, and you'll find that we've all gone through hell and lived to tell about it. I haven't hit the one-year anniversary yet, and I am still going through hell on so many days. It's a journey like no other. Stay in touch.

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on January 3, 2013 at 5:11pm

K, I'm so sorry for your loss! Somehow, some way, you manage to get through the day. On the 27th of this month, it will be a year since I have lost my mom. It feels like it just happened!! I've been going to therapy and that has helped me. But journaling and/or writing to her might help, it might sound crazy, but it helped me.

Comment by Eliza on January 3, 2013 at 4:49pm

Today's been really tough. The reality that my mom is gone forever is sinking in. I miss her so much. I can't believe it's only been a month since she passed. How do you get through this?

Comment by Jennifer Blackwood on January 3, 2013 at 2:15pm

Ann, I can relate. I only have three people in my life, well two people including my dog, that has been there for me through it all. Yet I still feel alone. I'm always by myself and I don't have anyone to go with me to places if I need to go or just to hang out. I feel like I lost my world when Mom passed!! I hope that you and everyone else is able to find some peace and comfort this year, that is my wish for everyone!

Anne, I too don't work. I'm on disability for Bipolar and PTSD and it's been hard just finding a reason to get up in the mornings. I'm trying to get in the volunteering spirit but my motivation for everything is extremely low!

MSB, I totally understand about not wanting to get in the way of someone's life. I have one person who I could count on for anything, and even though she has told me she was always there for me, I still feel like a bother to other people. My pets is the only thing that has kept me here, I know they need me, and that has been my motivation to keep moving on..somehow!

Comment by MSB on January 3, 2013 at 9:51am

Ann, I too am by myself. I have some wonderful friends, however, the last thing i ever want to do is et in the way of their lives. I feel like i exist day to day, only my pets need me.

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