I miss my Mom!

If you have that hole in your heart that you get when you lose the woman that you shared a body with....

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I am lost without her! (MOM) 9 Replies

Started by DeeDee. Last reply by DeeDee Jul 26.

I miss my Mom too.

Started by Anthony Jul 25.

Not only do I miss her, feel like I lost my purpose. Why go on? 7 Replies

Started by Jennifer Nuss. Last reply by Michael Thompson May 29.

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Comment by Judy on September 26, 2012 at 1:17am

MSB -- You did it! I understand that it was a terrible day, I really do. But you should be proud of yourself for going out with your friends. I have to force myself to get out of here sometimes, and even though it's very difficult, I find that it does help.

Brad -- I think grief does make one not give a d*** anymore about what people think of them. In a way, it is refreshing to at last be yourself, to let your true feelings show through. I am 66, so I probably give even less of a d*** than you do! By letting go, you give those around you permission to let go, too. Maybe your friends were holding back until you released them by crying. Family is wonderful, but there's nothing like a good friend... I'm glad you found that cross to wear. I think you'll find that it's really comforting. I've also put photos of my mother around the house -- I have one in my kitchen because she & I spent a lot of time in the kitchen together. It still hurts to look at them, but I'm glad to see her in every room. I would put some photos here on this page, but it seems the format of the site has changed, and I don't know how to do it anymore. I put a picture of my mother (& my new dog) on my page.

Mark -- That was an awesome post! So "from-the-heart." I understand that kind of crying you write about. It does feel like your very bone marrow is weeping, screaming in pain. When I hit the wall like you described, I can hear my mother telling me to be strong, to live my life. She lived with such gusto; I cannot capture that, but I can at least know that she would want me to carry on. The cycles of life will go on no matter what.


Comment by MSB on September 25, 2012 at 10:27pm

Thanks to all who responded about my mother's birthday. It was a terrible day. However, I did get together with friends in the afternoon and one of my best friends spoke to me tonight. Hopefully, tomorrow it will start to get better again. At least until thanksgiving!


Comment by Brad Busby on September 25, 2012 at 7:47pm

MSB don't worry about breaking down in front of your friend, as Judy said a true friend will always understand and do what they can to comfort you, i broke down a few times at the hospital in front of friends, family and hospital staff, society tells us that as a man i am not supposed to cry or show emotions in public, well i flat out don't give a darn (cleaned up that word) i am 54 years old and at a point in life where i could care less what society thinks of me, first of all i could not control the emotions, when the ER docs told me it was a life ending event that she suffered i broke down in the ER and it took awhile for me to get myself in control, they were very understanding, they see it pretty much every day i guess. at her funeral in front of everyone i was fine, but later that day at my home with just a couple of very close friends i broke down again, one male friend and one female friend hugged me and they even cried, that helped me more than i can express in words, at her funeral i saw the true love that so many had for her, and that made me happy. i was and will always be so thankful to those very close friends of mine.

Comment by Brad Busby on September 25, 2012 at 7:33pm

Thank you Judy for the kind words, you mentioned to Mark about keeping something of his mother on him to remind him of her, i was going through Moms things the other day and found her cross, i am going to get a new chain that will fit me and wear it around my neck, i gave that to her probably about 30 years ago for mother's day i think it was, or maybe her birthday, but i think that will help me a lot to keep it close to my heart, where she resides for me now.

Comment by Mark on September 25, 2012 at 5:14pm

msb my heart breaks for you on this day.  My heart breaks for everyone on this entire site that has to experience the loss of a loved one.  I know your pain.  I just went through what you are going through in regard to your moms bday.  When the sun rises tomorrow you will realize once again you made it through another painful moment.  I have to be honest.  I don't know how we keep carrying all of this but sincerely I swear if I could carry everyone else's pain  along with mine I would.  There are moments I feel like Teflon with all of this because of so much that happened prior to mom's death.  I've learned for myself crying... I mean really crying from your deepest part of your soul does feel good.  I do it alone.  I fight it but afterwards where ever that comes from it does feel like a release a little bit.  I also journal things when I feel overwhelmed.  I actually write letters to my mom.  I'm raw, real, and very bold in my comments while writing them.  It also helps.  Yard work seems to help some times.  Even just standing with the hose watering instead of letting the sprinklers do the work.  I don't know why that one works.  I put my sun glasses on just in case I cry and take deep deep breaths.  I've also told myself the following some times... One of us unfortunately had to go.  For as gut wrenching as this loss is to endure I'd hate to see my mom in this much agony over my loss so if this is lifes cycle I'll carry it.  I hate it. I Won't ever really accept it but I'll do this until I know I just can't do it anymore and I'm sure just about the time I say ( and trust me I've thought I've already been there ) I can't do this anymore I'll hear her say... Shhhh!!  You gotta live! 

Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on September 25, 2012 at 2:02pm

My Mom shared this Poem with me a few months before her death. I got married just about 3 months before she died, and this was her words of advice for me. I will never forget it. And I hope it helps...


To laugh, is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep, is to risk being called sentimental.
To reach out to another, is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings, is to risk showing your true self.
To place your ideas and your dreams before the crowd, is to risk being
called naive.
To love, is to risk not being loved in return.
To live, is to risk dying.
To hope, is to risk despair.
And to try, is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing,
and becomes nothing!
He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply can not learn, and
feel, and change,
and grow, and love, and live.
Chained by his certitudes he is a slave, he's forfeited his freedom.
Only the person who risks is truly free!


Comment by Lynda Pool Vonderlage on September 25, 2012 at 1:58pm

I lost my Mom July 23 to lung cancer. Its only been 2 months, and a day has not gone by that I don't cry because I miss calling her, I miss seeing her, I miss her hugs, I miss her words of wisdom and advice, I miss everything about her, no one can replace her, and no one can grief the loss for me, or anyone else, no one can tell you what is normal and what is not normal, I do know that extreme depression can  hit much later after the death, months later, anger is normal, I am mad at my Mom even for not telling me she was so sick because she didn't want to worry me. The best thing for me is to take it one day at a time, and surrender to the thought that I could of controlled anything about the situation, I have to remember to stay living in the solution not the problem, I have to keep living, even if I can hardly lift my head up off the pillow in the morning to give up would be the total opposite of what my Mom would ever want me to do. I thank God every single Morning for giving me her for a Mom. She was the best Mom I could of ever asked for. Losing her just totally totally sucks, and the pain is so horrific. I pray for God to help me heal, and show me how to heal the wound. Its all I know how to do. Its okay to hurt, aand its okay to feel that pain, and it is okay to cry. Those tears are healing us from the inside out. One moment at a time, just keep trying and know that you are not alone. Love, Lynda

Comment by MSB on September 25, 2012 at 12:31pm

I am trying to get through this day. I went to the cemetary twice, brought my dog the second time. I just don't know if i can last the rest of the day. Hard to imagine, I had a few really good weeks.

Comment by Judy on September 24, 2012 at 11:32pm

MSB -- If she's a good friend, it will be OK if you break down crying. Real friends get it. I do understand how you feel, though. My mother's birthday is in October, and I don't know if I could celebrate or not. One thing I do know is that she wouldn't want me to be sad.

Comment by MSB on September 24, 2012 at 10:22pm

Last week, it sounded like a good idea. But, i am not sure i won't break down crying.



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Virginia G commented on Karen's group I miss my Mom!
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